2006-11-10
(MFGH)
If all is going well, and Indigo is connected to Purple, then the process of outpicturing manifestation is informed by loving Spirit light. But when it is not, then what is manifest is in the Gap.
Ideally, the Mother's desire rises, and all along the way up, within each Chakra, loving Light meets it and the chakras project the form at their layer of existence.
Indigo, of course, is associated with Sight, so at that layer you can "see" the projections. At other layers you can sense them in other ways. Indigo can also help you see what is going on in each chakra.
The receptive centers are not only receiving what is coming "at" them, from the outside in, but also the energies going "up" and "down" the chakra line. And they have to vibrate to do this and to "process" the "information." Each one has its own set of triggers and filters and also each one has its own will presence to magnetize either the reflections it needs to heal, or the light it needs to manifests its desires.
We have been looking (in the books) at whole orders of Rainbow Spirits, but it is also important to at the Heart presence in each of the chakras, on the micro and macro scales.
Being bi polar does have a lot to do with Indigo and also being Indigo Heart. We have been looking at the tubes going "up" and "down" but there are also tubes going "side to side" connecting the will and spirit sides of each chakra.
Note: In our lessons we have considered the "heart" connections, or tubes, in between each chakra.
(me) this is confusing to me because I have identified with Indigo Will.
(God) Yes, but… or yes, and… you also have involvement on the spirit side of Indigo and it is important to look at this so that you can heal the will side.
We have alluded to the "beat" of heart, the "pumping action" of heart, in the Great Circultation… and if you look at the human heart, you will see there are four chambers…
(me)
(God) the point is there is both "sending" and "receiving" on both the will and spirit sides… the rhythm of the breath--intake, outgo--is the fundamental cycle in and through each structure in your body…
Indigo is in the "heart" position of the upper chakras. It has to send and receive from both sides. And there is the up and down flow and the side to side flow. If the up and down flow is "too much" it can destabilize the side to side flow. Cause it to swing from one side to the other.
(me) now it is my turn to say "yes, but…" what about the lack of density in brain tissue [bipolar brains are less dense than normal brains]? how is that a flow issue? how is body "holding" something? how is movement supposed to fix that?
(God) well there is an OC to the brain tissue question. When you were conceived, the genetic material told body how to manifest. Where did this come from? when was the first "change" in the genetic material?
The first thing to know is that this didn't happen to all of Indigo, or even all of Indigo's heart or will. Part of you insistence that this [bipolar disorder] is caused by Body rather than lost spirit or will is because it is one of those structural reflections of the events in OC. You have to go all the way back to your origins…
(me) I am very confused about my origins, I feel like I have presence in all kinds of stories…
(God) Indigo's history has been hidden, because Indigo hid. But as you also know, history is peppered with famous people with bipolar disorder. So there is another side—the manic side—that is very visible.
(me) is the energy of mania and darkness of depression mine? or am I being overloaded with upper and lower chakra feelings?
(God) this is a very good and important question.
The two sides of Indigo (the bipolar aspecting) got "blown out." If Indigo was an amplifier, we could say that the input or volume was too loud.
This increase input or volume changed the structure of the form. Indigo's form became like elastic that was stretched out or a groove that was traced by the end of a pendulum.
Part of the problem was that Green Heart was not able to connect the two sides, let alone balance them. And this was in turn a reflection of the Original Bypass between the male and female sides of Heart.
This aspect of Indigo felt that it had to encompass the whole experience of what it was receiving from the two ends… it felt it had to be a mirror. It in fact felt that all of the Created Spirits should do the same thing, and has a rage that others did not do this. It feels that it has an understanding of the two sides that others do not, and specifically, and understanding of the heart position. It has rage at Heart… for not doing its job in the big picture.
The connection you feel with your husband is in part because you were also giving form to bridging the gap between Spirit and Will, but at a higher location. You also have a rage and an empathy for Jesus—and also a great love there. Male Heart was trying to bridge the same gap, but it was much too little and too late from your perspective.
(me) well I can definitely relate to being so frustrated that the two sides don't understand each other, as well as heart not seeming to encompass the whole thing. I also have rage at the "healing into wholeness" for… not having to go the route that I did to accomplish the same thing. I feel like both a hero and a victim…
I also feel terribly unseen and misunderstood. The only people that seem to "get" me are my husband and the other beepers ["beeper = BPer = person w/ bipolar]. I don't even feel that the other Daughters get this, and I feel that RU people blame and judge me. I don't even know if other Indigo people would relate to me. I kind of feel like Body alone knows the challenges of manifesting the actual range of experience in Spirit and Will… and he doesn't even have the whole range within his personality.
I feel like everyone wants to give ME advice, like I am the "defective" one, who just doesn't move enough, or something. But I am the ONLY one who gets both sides. Well maybe that isn't true, but it feels that way sometimes. And in the beeper community, I don't have anyone doing RU.
I feel so damn alone.
I also don't think that people get how exhausting/impossible it is to swing not from triggers or briging in lost essence, but because the body-response is set the way it is. Like its too sensitive. Like its driving the feelings, not the feelings driving it. I feel like I am backwards from the whole universe. Like a bizarre experiement from some crazy blueprint that God/Heart/Body cooked up.
Or maybe I am reflecting a judgment about what Heart would look like if it encompassed both ends.
Could I be that? Could I be a manifestation of a judgement that Someone made somewhere? Their lost will, acting it out? "This is what will happen if you try to have Humans be New Heart?" Am I the first "flawed" batch of that experiment?
I do sort of feel like I am following instructions. Being dutiful and sacrificing. Doing what I was told. And nobody appreciates it. (besides my husband). There certainly isn't room for me in society. And then there is being a danger to myself or others. And the much worse cases of BP. And the stigma, and all of that. And not being able to get insurance. "We don't insure Beepers." There is so much blame in that. "Its your fault you got this way. We're not responsible for you."
I feel like I made a decision somewhere, and also, that somehow I got stretched too thin. I wonder if this is why I had nightmares of wires. My tube goes too far.
I almost feel like it is an agreement made with Body to be or encompass it all. I also have a suspicion that something got pushed out somewhere.
I feel really old. And what is my role/responsibility in relation to the Smack? I feel like I aligned with Lucifer, somehow—that I was his mate in lieu of the Mother. Also that he made me crazy, caused me to gap between the two poles…
And then there is my jealousy of "normies" and my wanting to be like them. And my outraged resentment of those that take mental health for granted. Who don't even know what their mind does for them. Who don't even know what a gift it is, what a marvelous instrument of reality. Who don't appreciate it, who waste it.
And then there is the painful and confusing reflections that I am spirit polar, up there, etc. and "have no idea how bad it is."
I am wondering if a core judgment is something like "in order to bridge the two sides, I have to manifest them" (as opposed to channel them). A bridge too far, a tube too engaged…
And I guess I have all the judgments that this could kill me, that it isn't survivable, that it isn't functional, that Heart won't help me, that nobody will understand… I feel like I have the judgments of all the parts within me (no I don't thank that is unique, I think everybody has this) but also this other layer of judgments about what encompassing both sides is…
Is this all my fault for making these judgments? God that would suck. That would be so humiliating and painful and depressing and just plain stupid…
(God) no it isn't all your fault… you were innocent of that, you wanted to prove that it could be done, you had guilt and rage there, but also love. A driving force for you has been the sense that you would get some relief if all the parts did connect up and the Greater Body could encompass the Whole. This has spurred heart's leap and some judgment about how the rest of creation doesn't "get it." We are getting it, more and more…
(me) I feel the stirring of some rage that wants to say "I told you so!' "Why didn't you listen to me?" "I sacrificed myself for you!" "Why are you always blaming the Body-Heart alignment? We are just manifesting YOUR vision, YOUR desires…YOUR judgments…"
I feel in some ways I am the antithesis of Daughter who polarized to Spirit or Will—that I somehow polarized to both. And this is "not possible" according to most people's cognitive schema. I don't fit into any box. I get shoved in boxes all the time, however.
I just had the thought that I am manifesting the two extremes without any tempering of each… they are very disconnected extremes, stuck together. The opposite of bringing light down and will up. Maybe that is why that meditation helps me so much. Like I am a particularly non-integrated aspect or reflection of Heart.
Maybe the meds are helping me to bridge my own gap there…
(Mother) In the Second Creation… I felt part of me remaining with Spirit as I fell away… the dot of yin in the yang side… and part of Him was in me… and these two parts remained connected somehow… on kind of a wormhole level… they "knew" what was required to keep us together… or believed they did… it was the faintest glimmerings of Heart… with a memory of Old Heart, so to speak… of when we were One…
And there was a judgment on both sides, barely verbalized… that said "if We are to stay together, I will have to 'stretch'"… "I will have to encompass both sides" "I will have to be bi-polar" (of course all this is going on pre-language, certainly not in English) and the "worm hole" agreed… felt it had the answer… denied our true response to this, in a way… ignored it, ignored the warning signs that we did not have alignment with this yet, that we had to process our feelings about it, have our own unique point of view self-validated, so to speak…
We did not understand that we had to grow our own Dots into their Fullness within us… we felt them as foreign objects… not to say that they felt bad to us, they felt good, but still "other" at this point… and we were kind of intimidated by them, in awe of them… especially my side… I felt that I had to listen to it, and not give my response to it…
On God's side it was more like he wanted to explore it, to find out what it would give to him, rather than penetrate it with his light of Acceptance…
Acceptance was not even born yet… but we had the barest beginning of our Forms as you know them today…
The worm hole leapt in a big way… thought it had all the information it needed… did not wait to see what would happen or allow process to unfold…
This became the judgment (although it thought of itself as the "solution") that became the imprint in Indigo essence that bonded with Body ("seduced" I have sometimes felt) to create a connection between the two sides…
This became the corpus callosum that connects the right and left sides of the brain… Which is a good solution, actually…
But the part that you are concerned about, the OC of bi-polar is a function of the limbic system, which among other things, connects emotions to thought.
Each aspect of this system has its own "OC" which I do not want to go into now. But each provides a "solution" to the Body's question, how to manifest life?
Your "answer" to Body was a fairly simplistic "by connecting the two parts." This is certainly the starting point, but it is not all that was needed. Your answer was also "the body (of the created being) needs to manifest/match the experience of the two parts—it linked the body functions with the two aspects… but it was these aspects in their disconnected states…
On one side was the revving up of the energy, mood, sexuality, gratification-seeking, etc. and on the other, the slowing down of these same things. This linkage of mood, etc., and body is very important for the survival of the being, so it was not wrong.
What is wrong is when it is disregulated, of course. And you are looking for the OC of that.
Let me take another pass at this…
There was a degree of rejection of both sides by the wormhole… it was more of a connector than a tube… it kept us from splitting into infinity opposite of each other… (in the books God said that we were able to find out way back because his smack and my closure wasn't strong enough to split us permanently, but he was overlooking the presence of the wormhole)…
(me) thank you, I need to digest
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