2007-01-07
Note: This is the end of a conversation. I was asking about bi-polar. GABA is a neurotransmitter involved in the symptoms of mania and depression. In simplistic terms, it is what "speeds things up" and "slows things down."
I have felt like I have been in a long, long argument about whether "denial" or "the brain" is causal to my bipolar. I have felt that the brain is causal, with an acknowledgement that there was something causal to the brain problems. I have felt that the explanation that "my bipolar is manifest because I have denied my will" is too simplistic. Since receiving this channeling, I have started reading Ceanne's new book, Feelings Matter. It has been so helpful to me in understanding the relationship of the history of the Creations to the manifestation of Brain. It has filled in the missing link for me.
I offer this channeling as a stepping stone in my progression of understanding. I have a bigger "context" now, but I think this is worth sharing.
(me) ...explain to me about GABA. What is the OC of it? What does it have to do with denial spirits, Lucifer, etc.
(MFGH) GABA isn't "causal," but it is closer to the cause. It is a primary symptom that has many consequences. It is also the "means" to the symptoms. In other words, if you look at it inside out—if you say: "what would need to go wrong in order to get these experiences [depression and mania] to happen in some one's life?" the answer would be GABA and the other neurotransmitters. It is kind of like the argument over whether the Sun or the Earth is causal in the radiation that causes problems on the Earth. You could look at it from both sides, and create strong arguments for both sides, but it doesn't mean that you have to pick one or the other. Each sees the "truth" from its point of view. And each side doesn't appreciate having its point of view denied by the other.
It might be helpful to understand Body's role in manifesting the Truth about the relationship of Spirit to Will, as well as the History of Experience that the particular essence is holding. You have to trace it back to its evolutionary OC.
We are not done with the story. We need to set certain fundamental building blocks into place. There is much more that needs to be explained about the relationship of consciousness and brain and mind and emotions. There is more that needs to be understood about Indigo's role in this. Why did the brain locate itself in the heart of the upper chakras? Why not a brain located in the hips, like a dinosaur?
And also, what about the emerging understanding of the body-brain, of the role of vibration at the cellular level, at the neuroreceptors throughout the body? What about crossing the blood-brain barrier?
There is a lot of lower-chakra blaming rage at the brain. There is a backlash that says that "brain is not causal!" Just like you have rage that says the "brain is causal!"
All of this has to be untangled in order to get at the "truth" of causality. The charges have to be gotten through. And this does not mean that the charges are wrong, it is just that until they have their say, their release, they cannot enlarge their understanding.
A more subtle level of the above charges are the question of perpetration. From the lower chakra perspectives, anything upper is causal in terms of perpetration. But they do not want to say that life comes from the brain. They feel that to do this is to deny their role in creation. They do not want to say that the manifested form of the problem is causal; that Body is causal. This gets Spirit off the hook. They are sick and tired of the answers to life's questions coming from the Spirit/Mind perspective. They are sick of Spirit/Mind telling them that they are causal to their own problems.
Each upper chakra has its own relationship to Brain and Spirit and Mind. And remember, we are speaking in generalities to lay out the territory, not defining the truth of any one experience.
Purple that aligned with Spirit feels frustrated when the Brain won't receive its input (inspiration). But it has had a huge impact on the judgments held in Mind for many people, depending on their polarizations.
Blue wants to control the Brain, and has many Mind control techniques to offer to gain and maintain power, especially over the lower chakra's input. Inspiration is okay, as long as it furthers the Blue agenda.
Indigo… well this is more tricky to explain…
Let us start with the role of the eyes and ears in the brain and mind.
The eyes are the sensory organ of the brain (along with the pituitary gland) and they transmit Light into electro-chemical impulses. The ears do the same with Vibration (along with the skull).
As you know, perception is a multi-step process of making meaning out of these impulses. Your mind is like the projector that is necessary to make a can of film come to life. The film (recorded experience) does not change, it does not appear or disappear, but it has no relevance, no contribution until it is fed through the mind. The mind is necessary for the film to come to life.
The other elements that are necessary are 1) time/process (moving the film through the projector one frame at a time), 2) light to illuminate the film, and 3) the screen to reflect the light back to the viewer.
The sound track has a parallel set of necessities for it to be heard—time/process, the amplifier, the speaker, the air that it vibrates, and the ear drum which receives the vibration.
The mind is all of these processes in total, while the brain is the mechanical parts of it within the body. The mind "makes sense" of what happens in the mechanical processes, and includes the "reality screen" which is "perceived" by the brain.
The paradox for Indigo, is that the mind, the whole process of perception and meaning-making is greater than Indigo, but also resides within it.
This is in part because of the history of Creation. If Purple and Blue hadn't gapped, the Mind would be more integrated into the whole upper chakra spectrum (not to mention the lower chakra spectrum). But as it happened, the Place that would hold and receive Mind, the "neutral territory" was Indigo.
If the connections between the other Chakras and Indigo was stronger, Mind would be a much broader experience. Indigo's true gifts would be realized, and it would also be able to incorporate the gifts from the lower chakras much more easily.
We talked recently of the Indigo-Green-Orange Heart-channel. If this had been allowed to develop, the experience of Mind would be completely different. Essentially, Mind would not be located in the upper chakras. It would be an integrative function of all of the chakras.
Body and Mind would not be the dichotomy that they are today. Mind would be much more identified with Heart, with Balance and with Integration.
So part of the Lower Chakra objections about the primacy of mind is an objection to the primacy of the upper-chakra orientation of mind.
In men, the split between their "upper head" and their "lower head" is often made fun of, but this is pointing to a real split, and a real condition that needs healing. In women, the split is between women who allow their "lower head (brain)" to even manifest and those that do not. The Virgin-Whore split. There is no conceptualization that those that do allow for the lower brain could integrate it with their upper brains.
And the ones that do allow their lower brain to have some presence are to be controlled by the males. Females allowing their lower brain to make decisions for the species are very threatening to the males.
They are threatening to the other females as well. For those that do have lower brain presence, there is competition, and for those that do not, there is condemnation.
A big part of the problem in integrating the upper and lower brains, is the loss of the Central Heart.
Here we have collapsed the distinctions of "mind" and "brain" and "head" because of the common vernacular, but we think you get the idea.
When Indigo manifest in the Second Creation, there was no understanding or reality that the Fourth Creation, Green, or the Sixth Creation, Orange, would not manifest in full ("correctly," or "per plan"). Well this is not exactly true, but the point is, there was no accommodation made that the future Creations would not go according to Plan, or that the Plan might need to be changed. So Indigo manifested Mind as best it could, with the expectation that this was just the first "third" of the equation, without any idea that this would end up being the essence that would have to hold the entire function of Mind--because Green and Orange would turn out to be damaged by the Smack.
This ended up being a pretty heavy burden for Indigo. It was required to do much more than it's original form could handle. It did not have the input or support from the rest of the Heart Channel.
And this is also why Indigo could be so unbalanced. Essentially it "forgot" that it was not meant to be the Mind/Brain center in isolation. Parts of it were happy to have this role as it gave it power in relationship to the rest of the chakras. Parts of it felt very victimized, but didn't really understand why. Parts of it held a lot of resentment at having to carry the load for the whole Body. Parts of it ended up being "overresponsible" for the situation. Parts of it thought that it must have done something wrong to end up in this predicament. And parts of it broke down under the stress of the situation.
Indigo has a long history of feeling like it's contribution could help, if only others would receive it, but also an unwillingness to share its contribution, because others didn't receive it. To the outsiders, Indigo is a very frustrating presence—they feel its judgments that things are not unfolding correctly, but without any helpful feedback or constructive criticism. This only contributes to their inability to receive Indigo, because they have backed up rage that Indigo needs to receive but hasn't.
All sides can help if they move their feelings privately, but ultimately, there needs to be an expression of their points of view to each other. Once Indigo accepts and processes its own victimization, it can receive the feelings from those that it impacted—how it's actions ended up impacting creation.
Indigo has confusion about power—it seems to have a lot of power on the one hand, but also very little power on the other. The situation is very unbalanced. It seems to "prey" on those that admit their need for Indigo's input—psychics that milk hundreds of dollars from their dependent and even addicted clients—to compensate for the loss of status that it has in the mainstream.
Indigo has been very afraid of its power—in part because of the questions of the role of envisioning in manifesting the future—but it has also felt hugely denied in that it's input has been either diminished or "interpreted" to forward the agenda of the interpreter.
Take the "Revelations" in the Bible for example… They are ostensibly an output by the Indigo Chakra. However the other chakras have analyzed and interpreted it, and used it as evidence for their points of view. The Bible does not contain the Indigo "perspective".
On the one hand, Indigo is happy that it has at least some influence on current events--at least the Revelations is included in the Bible. It has some acknowledgement that it has a right place. But on the other hand, it hasn't been able to present it's understanding on the message, because the ones that actually have the power want the message to work in their favor, and do not want Indigo to rock the boat.
And Heaven Forbid that everyone activate their Own Indigo! That would blow the power-mongers out of the water. So Revelations is giving its place in the Church Teachings, but the power to receive revelations is relegated to the influence of Lucifer. If you are "psychic," you are under the influence of the Devil.
And only the Church that can interpret the Indigo Revelations. Only the Church can declare any particular Revelation as "sanctioned" and "safe" to listen to.
There is a lot of cynicism in Indigo. This has to be broken down into its constituent parts of rage, frustration, resentment, fear, despair, and grief. Cynicism is an orientation that feels less threatening than actually experiencing the other feelings, but it is not a loving experience for the one that feels it or the ones that receive it. It is a stuck place, and will not take you to where you want to go.
(me) wow, thank you. I hope I can integrate this into my own process.
(MFGH) we have not doubt that you will. Just move in response.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
how Guilt impacts the Aura
2007-12-23
Note: this builds on the previous entry. I cut out the beginning of this channeling, as it was more personal advice. I was asking how to balance all of the things I want and need to do in my daily life.
(MFGH) ...Your will is really what can "feel" the stream of Grace. It is the "target" of the stream… what receives it's benefits. Grace is always offering that pathway to the will's highest interest; it is up to your spirit to pay attention, learn what following this is like, and align with that path in theory and practice.
Yes there will be bumps along the way… that is because your will needs its triggers to get to the held feelings.
And of course there are the collective bumps… everything from a 3.5 to a 9.0 on the Richter scale. And like earthquakes, the more frequent smaller ones can help relieve the pressure. But it may take the bigger ones to get at the depth needed.
From the "overview" perspective, it is not wrong if you find yourself at the epicenter of a big bump [e.g. the manifestation of an Earth Change]. That is an indication that that is what you needed. But of course in the actual experience of it, it can feel very wrong indeed.
The question is what control do you have over this. The more you move, the more you listen to your will, the more you accept the held feelings in the Survival chakra, the less traumatic your healing process will be.
You are wondering "what happened to you" last night… well some of your essence returned, as you intended in your ritual. When previously lost essence comes in, it does not have the "benefits" of being medicated. It is "crabby"!
Some of this essence came in from your Mom. She is holding some of your lost rage, that you judged as unloving. And it was unloving, in the sense that it held lost light.
The question of how rage aligns with lost light is important to understand. Yes is can be as blatant as Lucifer coming to it and promising power if you let him in… but it can also be a lot more subtle. And it can also be a result of a smack… the smack itself splits the rage out violently, as the energy of the smack needs to have somewhere to "go." The unloving light that is received goes to the essence that has an affinity to it—either self-hate (usually terror polar), which thinks it has to receive it (and deserves to be punished) or other-hate (usually rage polar) that wants to give it right back to the sender (revenge). I am simplifying things here to give you a mental diagram of what can happen.
In the self-hate scenario, the smack bounces back and forth between the will essence and the presence of guilt and continues to reinforce the smack and reimprint its message. This, of course, is very painful to the will.
So it is important that will that is self-hating to know that it needs to release the unloving light back out that is trapped in there with it under guilt. The trick is to get the impetus from "underneath" both the guilt, the light, and the imprints, to get all the way down to the base line of the will there, and vibrate out from there, releasing the imprints, releasing the light, and making a "doorway" for them to leave you by pushing the guilt out of your aura which is holding everything in.
Guilt is essentially a boundary, a "no man's zone," where light and vibration do no pass through. It is what is supposed to be between creation and the void. It gets entangled in the magnetic essence and keeps what is under it from getting the light.
The magnetic essence shrinks back from it, and slows down its vibration. This only opens space for more guilt to be present.
You can have guilt at any level of your aura. So it can be present in any layer of the "onion" that is you, and keep the flow of energy from coming in or out "horizontally" (actually spherically). Another way to put it, is that it warps your energy field, and therefore, your ability to project the reality that you want or receive what you need in order to manifest it.
Homeopathy and Chinese Medicine understand this model, and they try to deal with things on the surface level before they work their way "in." They also try to heal things one layer at a time, from the outside in.
This matches our model, in that if you have a shell or partial of guilt blocking you, you need to "crack it" in order for the unloving light that you are holding to get out, and the loving light you need to get in.
But you also have an "innermost in" connection to the Mother that can help you work from the inside out. In fact it will empower her if you draw on this with the intent that she help you release the unloving light. As this happens, she will be able to open space and draw the loving light instead.
Each person has a different degree of guilt "shielding" at each of the layers of the aura. These of course correspond to the imprints in each chakra that shape the projection of each layer of the aura out from the chakra. So one way to get in touch with that status of your own aura is to feel into/look into each chakra and then follow the energy from that chakra outward.
Your recent breakthrough with your posture was parallel to a "cracking" of the energy body guilt-shields and allowing that part of the chakra column to project outwards again. As you know it has involved a lot of rearrangement of the habit patterns of how you hold your body. Your physical body is the center or innermost layer of your aura, so when you get things moving here, this is a good sign.
So in the same way that you can start with your inner connection to the Mother, you can also start with your body to do release. Release is a physical process. It can clear stuff out if you are allowing the will to express through your body. Body work can trigger this release, but if it (unloving light or denial or imprint or judgment) doesn't work its way all the way out through the layers of your aura, the change does not stick because you will still be holding it at some level.
This is why you have that tendency of thinking you have learned a lesson, but having a trigger come around again. You have moved the problem out to some degree, but have not moved it all the way out.
If you have these guilt-shields, you can end up feeling very "pushed around", because other people's energy has something to push against. This is not exactly what happens, but it is a pretty close analogy. If you are not letting your true response through you, to keep yourself "flushed out," other people's energy can get lodged in your aura and especially between layers of the guild-shield. They of course have a least a worm-hole connection to it, if not an actually intention-cord, and so can "move you around" with this.
It is good to visualize the release of such things, but it is really the vibration that actually does the work of moving them out. The visualization is more like setting the intention. It does not have the "inside out" information about the energy constellation that feeling it from the inside has. Allowing the will's process to just flow is the "safest" way to work with this. It is the same as following Grace.
(me) Wow, thank you. I am just starting to be able to distinguish some of the details of my chakras and set their openness/closedness so I will start trying to feel the layers of my aura.
(MFGH) you can use you inner eye to look as well. This is valid information, but it has less dimensionality than using your "inner hand" in conjunction with it.
Note: this builds on the previous entry. I cut out the beginning of this channeling, as it was more personal advice. I was asking how to balance all of the things I want and need to do in my daily life.
(MFGH) ...Your will is really what can "feel" the stream of Grace. It is the "target" of the stream… what receives it's benefits. Grace is always offering that pathway to the will's highest interest; it is up to your spirit to pay attention, learn what following this is like, and align with that path in theory and practice.
Yes there will be bumps along the way… that is because your will needs its triggers to get to the held feelings.
And of course there are the collective bumps… everything from a 3.5 to a 9.0 on the Richter scale. And like earthquakes, the more frequent smaller ones can help relieve the pressure. But it may take the bigger ones to get at the depth needed.
From the "overview" perspective, it is not wrong if you find yourself at the epicenter of a big bump [e.g. the manifestation of an Earth Change]. That is an indication that that is what you needed. But of course in the actual experience of it, it can feel very wrong indeed.
The question is what control do you have over this. The more you move, the more you listen to your will, the more you accept the held feelings in the Survival chakra, the less traumatic your healing process will be.
You are wondering "what happened to you" last night… well some of your essence returned, as you intended in your ritual. When previously lost essence comes in, it does not have the "benefits" of being medicated. It is "crabby"!
Some of this essence came in from your Mom. She is holding some of your lost rage, that you judged as unloving. And it was unloving, in the sense that it held lost light.
The question of how rage aligns with lost light is important to understand. Yes is can be as blatant as Lucifer coming to it and promising power if you let him in… but it can also be a lot more subtle. And it can also be a result of a smack… the smack itself splits the rage out violently, as the energy of the smack needs to have somewhere to "go." The unloving light that is received goes to the essence that has an affinity to it—either self-hate (usually terror polar), which thinks it has to receive it (and deserves to be punished) or other-hate (usually rage polar) that wants to give it right back to the sender (revenge). I am simplifying things here to give you a mental diagram of what can happen.
In the self-hate scenario, the smack bounces back and forth between the will essence and the presence of guilt and continues to reinforce the smack and reimprint its message. This, of course, is very painful to the will.
So it is important that will that is self-hating to know that it needs to release the unloving light back out that is trapped in there with it under guilt. The trick is to get the impetus from "underneath" both the guilt, the light, and the imprints, to get all the way down to the base line of the will there, and vibrate out from there, releasing the imprints, releasing the light, and making a "doorway" for them to leave you by pushing the guilt out of your aura which is holding everything in.
Guilt is essentially a boundary, a "no man's zone," where light and vibration do no pass through. It is what is supposed to be between creation and the void. It gets entangled in the magnetic essence and keeps what is under it from getting the light.
The magnetic essence shrinks back from it, and slows down its vibration. This only opens space for more guilt to be present.
You can have guilt at any level of your aura. So it can be present in any layer of the "onion" that is you, and keep the flow of energy from coming in or out "horizontally" (actually spherically). Another way to put it, is that it warps your energy field, and therefore, your ability to project the reality that you want or receive what you need in order to manifest it.
Homeopathy and Chinese Medicine understand this model, and they try to deal with things on the surface level before they work their way "in." They also try to heal things one layer at a time, from the outside in.
This matches our model, in that if you have a shell or partial of guilt blocking you, you need to "crack it" in order for the unloving light that you are holding to get out, and the loving light you need to get in.
But you also have an "innermost in" connection to the Mother that can help you work from the inside out. In fact it will empower her if you draw on this with the intent that she help you release the unloving light. As this happens, she will be able to open space and draw the loving light instead.
Each person has a different degree of guilt "shielding" at each of the layers of the aura. These of course correspond to the imprints in each chakra that shape the projection of each layer of the aura out from the chakra. So one way to get in touch with that status of your own aura is to feel into/look into each chakra and then follow the energy from that chakra outward.
Your recent breakthrough with your posture was parallel to a "cracking" of the energy body guilt-shields and allowing that part of the chakra column to project outwards again. As you know it has involved a lot of rearrangement of the habit patterns of how you hold your body. Your physical body is the center or innermost layer of your aura, so when you get things moving here, this is a good sign.
So in the same way that you can start with your inner connection to the Mother, you can also start with your body to do release. Release is a physical process. It can clear stuff out if you are allowing the will to express through your body. Body work can trigger this release, but if it (unloving light or denial or imprint or judgment) doesn't work its way all the way out through the layers of your aura, the change does not stick because you will still be holding it at some level.
This is why you have that tendency of thinking you have learned a lesson, but having a trigger come around again. You have moved the problem out to some degree, but have not moved it all the way out.
If you have these guilt-shields, you can end up feeling very "pushed around", because other people's energy has something to push against. This is not exactly what happens, but it is a pretty close analogy. If you are not letting your true response through you, to keep yourself "flushed out," other people's energy can get lodged in your aura and especially between layers of the guild-shield. They of course have a least a worm-hole connection to it, if not an actually intention-cord, and so can "move you around" with this.
It is good to visualize the release of such things, but it is really the vibration that actually does the work of moving them out. The visualization is more like setting the intention. It does not have the "inside out" information about the energy constellation that feeling it from the inside has. Allowing the will's process to just flow is the "safest" way to work with this. It is the same as following Grace.
(me) Wow, thank you. I am just starting to be able to distinguish some of the details of my chakras and set their openness/closedness so I will start trying to feel the layers of my aura.
(MFGH) you can use you inner eye to look as well. This is valid information, but it has less dimensionality than using your "inner hand" in conjunction with it.
an opening in blue-green
2006-12-22
Dear MFGH,
Today I listened to my heart when I got the echocardiogram. It was very interesting. Kind of scary, actually.
I am also paying a lot of attention to my "blue-green" chakra? connector? since I had the breakthrough in yoga to arch the very top of my thorasic area. I could feel the space between each vertebre open up and energy shine up and out. It was such a trip. Now I am working on rolling that open, and allowing the rest of the bones to settle into place. Also strengthening the upper back to hold the shoulderblades back and down. Hmm, there is that back and down thing again.
Anyway, that part of my upper chest is now pointing "up" to a much greater degree. So I am wondering if on an energetic level my upper heart is opening up. Well actually I know it is. I guess I am wondering what it means. What is the function of that part of the spectrum? I love the turquoise colors so.
(MFGH) This part of the spectrum was rebuffed by Blue. Many times. Green wanted to give its input to Blue, to bring more heart presence their am mediate/moderate/temper the power and expansive quality of Blue.
(me) I feel like physically, I contracted here and brought my shoulders forward to hide my breasts. I was not proud of them, I was trying to minimize them so I wouldn't be harassed. I guess the posture I have now is much more "proud." "Walk like Marilyn Monroe" is what I called it when I was trying to have acceptance for my weight and still be attractive.
(MFGH) yes. Breasts are heart-expression. They are a manifestation of the Mother's generosity and desire to nurture her children. You could say that breasts got "sexualized," but this is not the right order of things. The heart center was a powerful connecting point between the sexes and this is part of the draw to them. An upright posture indicates an open heart, a strong heart, a willingness to put yourself out there.
(me) my heart feels very vulnerable right now.
(MFGH) yes it is a vulnerable place. But an upright posture indicates that you can take care of yourself in this realm.
So you do you take care of yourself here? There isn't a simple answer, nor one that is universal. Each person has to find their own way. But there are some principles.
One is that your own heart has to be in your own chest. You would be surprised at how many people literally "do not have a heart." There is a huge split between Heart and Body and the Energy Body (Rainbow) that we have talked about, but may be useful to revisit now.
(me) I am getting that these splits have been reenacted in our own bodies… I am seeing it as a branch of a tree that has gone off in a different direction than the trunk.
(MFGH) The good news is that the branch and tree are still attached, but farther back in time. You can "return" to this time and heal this split and "zip it up" so to speak.
Once your heart is in its right place, and can integrate with all of the other energy bodies, it has some built-in "shielding" so to speak, because it is in the center of your aura instead of riding out in front of it, or even more alone, far away from your body.
You also need to look at the cording from your heart, and the energy flow to and from others. It is right for heart to be a connecting place, so this can be tricky. But the first step is to get conscious of what is going on there.
You can use Indigo to look inwardly. You can use Orange to feel intuitively. You can consider the patterns in your relationships. You can notice when you feel energized by somebody and when you feel drained. You can note the sensations in your physical and etheric bodies.
(me) I think the last one is my orientation.
(MFGH) this is part of being a kinetic learner.
Dear MFGH,
Today I listened to my heart when I got the echocardiogram. It was very interesting. Kind of scary, actually.
I am also paying a lot of attention to my "blue-green" chakra? connector? since I had the breakthrough in yoga to arch the very top of my thorasic area. I could feel the space between each vertebre open up and energy shine up and out. It was such a trip. Now I am working on rolling that open, and allowing the rest of the bones to settle into place. Also strengthening the upper back to hold the shoulderblades back and down. Hmm, there is that back and down thing again.
Anyway, that part of my upper chest is now pointing "up" to a much greater degree. So I am wondering if on an energetic level my upper heart is opening up. Well actually I know it is. I guess I am wondering what it means. What is the function of that part of the spectrum? I love the turquoise colors so.
(MFGH) This part of the spectrum was rebuffed by Blue. Many times. Green wanted to give its input to Blue, to bring more heart presence their am mediate/moderate/temper the power and expansive quality of Blue.
(me) I feel like physically, I contracted here and brought my shoulders forward to hide my breasts. I was not proud of them, I was trying to minimize them so I wouldn't be harassed. I guess the posture I have now is much more "proud." "Walk like Marilyn Monroe" is what I called it when I was trying to have acceptance for my weight and still be attractive.
(MFGH) yes. Breasts are heart-expression. They are a manifestation of the Mother's generosity and desire to nurture her children. You could say that breasts got "sexualized," but this is not the right order of things. The heart center was a powerful connecting point between the sexes and this is part of the draw to them. An upright posture indicates an open heart, a strong heart, a willingness to put yourself out there.
(me) my heart feels very vulnerable right now.
(MFGH) yes it is a vulnerable place. But an upright posture indicates that you can take care of yourself in this realm.
So you do you take care of yourself here? There isn't a simple answer, nor one that is universal. Each person has to find their own way. But there are some principles.
One is that your own heart has to be in your own chest. You would be surprised at how many people literally "do not have a heart." There is a huge split between Heart and Body and the Energy Body (Rainbow) that we have talked about, but may be useful to revisit now.
(me) I am getting that these splits have been reenacted in our own bodies… I am seeing it as a branch of a tree that has gone off in a different direction than the trunk.
(MFGH) The good news is that the branch and tree are still attached, but farther back in time. You can "return" to this time and heal this split and "zip it up" so to speak.
Once your heart is in its right place, and can integrate with all of the other energy bodies, it has some built-in "shielding" so to speak, because it is in the center of your aura instead of riding out in front of it, or even more alone, far away from your body.
You also need to look at the cording from your heart, and the energy flow to and from others. It is right for heart to be a connecting place, so this can be tricky. But the first step is to get conscious of what is going on there.
You can use Indigo to look inwardly. You can use Orange to feel intuitively. You can consider the patterns in your relationships. You can notice when you feel energized by somebody and when you feel drained. You can note the sensations in your physical and etheric bodies.
(me) I think the last one is my orientation.
(MFGH) this is part of being a kinetic learner.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Second Creation issues; the OC of unloving light
[Note: I haven't been able to post for a month, but I wanted to highlight that this channeling actually came the day after the previous post.]
(MFGH) Let's do some more work on the role of Indigo in mind, etc.
(me) okay.
(MFGH) do you have any questions?
(me) I guess I want to know more about the Second Creation and if there is an Indigo Woman and my role there.
(MFGH) One thing I have alluded to is Lucifer's participation in the Second Creation. Again, it is important to sort out the original Second Creation from the later reenactments. To set the scene: We have had our first taste of Manifestation. We have had our first experience of Other—Other as adversary. We have had our first experience of Forgetting, and our first experience with the Void. From one perspective, we were still One, exploring all of the corners and edges of the Universe, but from our experience of it, we had lost that consciousness, we had lost our connections with each other, we were experiencing Loss for the first time. And this tremendous grief did not even have a name. It did not remember what it was missing. And the Mother carried this grief in her essence.
The part of Heart that was still with her—most of Heart, actually—had the impulse for connections, for reaching across the void, for traveling forth. I am speaking of the Yang polarization of her heart right now. There was also the Yin aspect of it, which wanted to receive the Light, which was doing its best to draw it to her.
We have spoken of the guilt that the Yang part had, for reaching so far out that it split off from the rest of her, but we have not spoken of the guilt that the Yin part had for "drawing the smack" as it interpreted events. This part has been confused because it feels it is more than just the victim here, it feels that it was the reason that the smack came. It has identified with the Mother and the Mother's position, but it has felt uneasy about this because it has also identified with the Daughter-as-perpetrator role.
It has felt as if the Mother had a big target painted on her that said "hit me," and it has felt like the center of that bull's eye.
There is guilt in both Mother and Daughter for wanting penetration, for wanting the Light to reach down all the way into the core and beyond. If we add some dimensionality to this image, imagine that the target is painted on the surface of the Will, with Yellow just under the surface and Orange and Red deeper in. Yellow pointed the way to Red, or rather, was the Doorway to Red. It drew the light and opened to the light, but then there was unloving light to contend with, and by the time that this moved towards the Will, Yellow did not know to close.
Orange and Red had not fully opened yet, and this was in part why they got blasted away by the unloving light. It did not have any where to go when it was not received, and so pushed on the essence instead.
So what does all of this have to do with the Second Creation?
Indigo foresaw this on some level. Indigo knew that there was Light essence that wanted unlimited speed and did not "care" how it felt to receive this light. In fact this essence did not really understand that the other end of its polarity, the Will, was what opened space for the Light to speed into. Because it was on the leading edge of Creation, it did not perceive anything "out in front" of it opening space. At this very edge was pleasure, was the Joy and Ecstasy of Virgin Penetration, and it never wanted it to stop.
This essence, this momentum, was unleashed in the Original Explosion that sundered Original Heart into the "pieces" of Deity. It was what was needed to push on the Will's squeeze. This was the first "permission" to rev up as fast as it could go. For this essence, the explosion was Orgasmic. It has sought to recreate this experience from an imprint level. It imprinted that it's orgasm was what "killed" the Will, and to kill the will was Orgasmic.
So while what gave it its orgasm was the resistance that the Will provided, it imprinted that any resistance must be broken through. It "loves" to find any places of closing down and saying no that the Will has, because it receives pleasure to push through this resistance. Thus rape, torture, violating boundaries, and everything that is the opposite of Love was born.
And it is very important to understand that this isn't a "discreet imprint" that only a part of the light had. ALL of light imprinted at the moment of the original explosion. All of light is connected to this end of its continuum. And therefore, all of light has had to deal with its guilt about being aroused by the Will's suffering.
Parts of the Will imprinted that orgasm = death (and therefore death = orgasm) as well. Especially the part that was at the interface of the separation of Light and Will, i.e. Heart.
And this essence has had guilt as well, guilt that it is aroused by its own sacrifice.
(me) wow…
(MFGH) So now let us shift gears and talk about what happened to this "unloving" light after the original explosion, and how different segments of it came back towards the Central Universe and interacted with the other Parts in the progression of the creations.
You may have seen diagrams of the reflection of light by a mirror.
(me) specular reflection and concave mirror reflection>
(MFGH) When the light reached the "edge of the Universe" (when it exceeded the speed at which the Will could open space) it "bounced back" towards the Central Universe.
And as I mentioned before, when it did this, it had (re) imprinted from its encounter with absolute limitation, with what is essentially absolute sexual frustration. Except now that it had a "direction" for its rage, and that was towards what set the limits, the Will. So when it bounced back, it had a new intent—to find the source of this boundary, and break the boundary (which amounted to killing the Will.)
Now we will complicate this with three variables: One is that the light is expanding in all directions (not just one single ray); two is that the edge of the Universe is Concave (as the Origin was one point, and all points on the edge are expanding at the same speed, which generates a sphere); and three is that the edge of the Universe is moving outward.
With the first and second complications, the consequence is that unloving light is virtually everywhere.
(me)<reflections of light rays bouncing back from the edges of a coffee cup>
(MFGH) With the third complication, the consequence is that unloving light is reflecting back to us virtually at all times.
(Note: Our solution to this is a bit complicated, but it involves allowing the light that desires to go faster than the Will wants to, to do just that, by penetrating this boundary of space and becoming lost light, with no will presence, but then to prevent it from "bouncing back" at the Central Universe by positioning a layer of "guilt" as the boundary around the edge of the Universe which the light will not be able to penetrate. In occult modeling, this is the "Ring-Pass-Not" in its right place. Also note that there will be no space for the lost light to expand into here.)
So we have a model of the conflict between light that wants unlimited speed and the speed that the Will can open space for light, and I am hoping that you can see that this is a dynamic process, as the rate of expansion for both the light and the Will are in a constant acceleration. There is always light that is frustrated, no matter how fast the Will expands, and it is always being turned back at the edge of the Universe towards the center, no matter which Creation we are talking about.
I am making this sound like it is a constant, smooth dynamic, but in fact, it was not, as there were build ups of the light before the release of the orgasm in each successive Creation.
(MFGH) Let's do some more work on the role of Indigo in mind, etc.
(me) okay.
(MFGH) do you have any questions?
(me) I guess I want to know more about the Second Creation and if there is an Indigo Woman and my role there.
(MFGH) One thing I have alluded to is Lucifer's participation in the Second Creation. Again, it is important to sort out the original Second Creation from the later reenactments. To set the scene: We have had our first taste of Manifestation. We have had our first experience of Other—Other as adversary. We have had our first experience of Forgetting, and our first experience with the Void. From one perspective, we were still One, exploring all of the corners and edges of the Universe, but from our experience of it, we had lost that consciousness, we had lost our connections with each other, we were experiencing Loss for the first time. And this tremendous grief did not even have a name. It did not remember what it was missing. And the Mother carried this grief in her essence.
The part of Heart that was still with her—most of Heart, actually—had the impulse for connections, for reaching across the void, for traveling forth. I am speaking of the Yang polarization of her heart right now. There was also the Yin aspect of it, which wanted to receive the Light, which was doing its best to draw it to her.
We have spoken of the guilt that the Yang part had, for reaching so far out that it split off from the rest of her, but we have not spoken of the guilt that the Yin part had for "drawing the smack" as it interpreted events. This part has been confused because it feels it is more than just the victim here, it feels that it was the reason that the smack came. It has identified with the Mother and the Mother's position, but it has felt uneasy about this because it has also identified with the Daughter-as-perpetrator role.
It has felt as if the Mother had a big target painted on her that said "hit me," and it has felt like the center of that bull's eye.
There is guilt in both Mother and Daughter for wanting penetration, for wanting the Light to reach down all the way into the core and beyond. If we add some dimensionality to this image, imagine that the target is painted on the surface of the Will, with Yellow just under the surface and Orange and Red deeper in. Yellow pointed the way to Red, or rather, was the Doorway to Red. It drew the light and opened to the light, but then there was unloving light to contend with, and by the time that this moved towards the Will, Yellow did not know to close.
Orange and Red had not fully opened yet, and this was in part why they got blasted away by the unloving light. It did not have any where to go when it was not received, and so pushed on the essence instead.
So what does all of this have to do with the Second Creation?
Indigo foresaw this on some level. Indigo knew that there was Light essence that wanted unlimited speed and did not "care" how it felt to receive this light. In fact this essence did not really understand that the other end of its polarity, the Will, was what opened space for the Light to speed into. Because it was on the leading edge of Creation, it did not perceive anything "out in front" of it opening space. At this very edge was pleasure, was the Joy and Ecstasy of Virgin Penetration, and it never wanted it to stop.
This essence, this momentum, was unleashed in the Original Explosion that sundered Original Heart into the "pieces" of Deity. It was what was needed to push on the Will's squeeze. This was the first "permission" to rev up as fast as it could go. For this essence, the explosion was Orgasmic. It has sought to recreate this experience from an imprint level. It imprinted that it's orgasm was what "killed" the Will, and to kill the will was Orgasmic.
So while what gave it its orgasm was the resistance that the Will provided, it imprinted that any resistance must be broken through. It "loves" to find any places of closing down and saying no that the Will has, because it receives pleasure to push through this resistance. Thus rape, torture, violating boundaries, and everything that is the opposite of Love was born.
And it is very important to understand that this isn't a "discreet imprint" that only a part of the light had. ALL of light imprinted at the moment of the original explosion. All of light is connected to this end of its continuum. And therefore, all of light has had to deal with its guilt about being aroused by the Will's suffering.
Parts of the Will imprinted that orgasm = death (and therefore death = orgasm) as well. Especially the part that was at the interface of the separation of Light and Will, i.e. Heart.
And this essence has had guilt as well, guilt that it is aroused by its own sacrifice.
(me) wow…
(MFGH) So now let us shift gears and talk about what happened to this "unloving" light after the original explosion, and how different segments of it came back towards the Central Universe and interacted with the other Parts in the progression of the creations.
You may have seen diagrams of the reflection of light by a mirror.
(me) specular reflection and concave mirror reflection>
(MFGH) When the light reached the "edge of the Universe" (when it exceeded the speed at which the Will could open space) it "bounced back" towards the Central Universe.
And as I mentioned before, when it did this, it had (re) imprinted from its encounter with absolute limitation, with what is essentially absolute sexual frustration. Except now that it had a "direction" for its rage, and that was towards what set the limits, the Will. So when it bounced back, it had a new intent—to find the source of this boundary, and break the boundary (which amounted to killing the Will.)
Now we will complicate this with three variables: One is that the light is expanding in all directions (not just one single ray); two is that the edge of the Universe is Concave (as the Origin was one point, and all points on the edge are expanding at the same speed, which generates a sphere); and three is that the edge of the Universe is moving outward.
With the first and second complications, the consequence is that unloving light is virtually everywhere.
(me)
(MFGH) With the third complication, the consequence is that unloving light is reflecting back to us virtually at all times.
(Note: Our solution to this is a bit complicated, but it involves allowing the light that desires to go faster than the Will wants to, to do just that, by penetrating this boundary of space and becoming lost light, with no will presence, but then to prevent it from "bouncing back" at the Central Universe by positioning a layer of "guilt" as the boundary around the edge of the Universe which the light will not be able to penetrate. In occult modeling, this is the "Ring-Pass-Not" in its right place. Also note that there will be no space for the lost light to expand into here.)
So we have a model of the conflict between light that wants unlimited speed and the speed that the Will can open space for light, and I am hoping that you can see that this is a dynamic process, as the rate of expansion for both the light and the Will are in a constant acceleration. There is always light that is frustrated, no matter how fast the Will expands, and it is always being turned back at the edge of the Universe towards the center, no matter which Creation we are talking about.
I am making this sound like it is a constant, smooth dynamic, but in fact, it was not, as there were build ups of the light before the release of the orgasm in each successive Creation.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
the Mind, Indigo, Heart and the Chakras
2007-01-07
[note: I had a business proposal to write, and I was up against a deadline.]
…So I am mostly feeling heaviness and fear/dread/guilt. I hate deadlines. I wish I had the chair but I don't even feel like I would have time to go move on it. I barely feel like I have time to channel. I don't even have time to formulate a question.
I feel that I am "bad" in relationship to the deadline. I guess I feel that I should have finished the proposal already, even though I knew that that would not be possible. I also feel "bad" in that I should have already done my research on pricing, etc. I should have been more serious about my professional development. I should already have training under my belt, and belong to associations, etc.
Its like a confrontation with the denial that I have been in. Kind of a "what was I thinking?" And also, "why didn't I give myself permission to pursue this stuff, [training, joining associations, etc.] when I knew it was a good thing?" Something about not feeling like I could justify it? To DD (Dear Dad), to DH (Dear Husband)?
I have not been in control of my career. I have been reactive, and also in fantasy… wanting an idealized version and not confronting the survival terror of supporting myself.
I guess I am starting to feel some of that terror… and also terror of my own inadequacies, of making a mistake, etc. Of fucking up big time. I wish I could get my own version of malpractice insurance. I wish my clients would take responsibility for themselves so I wouldn't have to be the fall guy if something goes wrong.
I need to go back on the chair about this.
And what about the chair???
What about doing sessions with other people???
MFGH can you help me receive and move and heal my terror?
(MFGH) yes, of course. Remember, whether this terror is triggered in you or not, it is still in existence. it is still suffering. So every time that you feel it, you are healing it. You are doing a good thing.
(me) I don't know if I believe that. Its confusing to me, especially with the anxiety part of the bipolar. I don't feel that denied will is causal. I don't feel that being terrified does anything to heal it. I don't know how to move a panic attack.
I am angry about the whole thing.
(MFGH) well we haven't gone into the causes of bipolar yet.
(me) well I don't think that you know, or that I am really channeling you, or could trust what you say… I feel like I can't bridge the two paradigms of causality.
I certainly don't think that it can be healed… when I look at how outsiders view it. I'm having a lot of doubts right now.
(MFGH) well consider your history, your position, just in this life. Consider the world views you have been indoctrinated in, and have tried to bridge and incorporate. It’s a big task, and you don't have anybody to turn to who has done this before. There are no answers out there for you. You have to discover this, construct this for yourself. You have to have an answer that really satisfies you, that satisfies everything.
And that is not wrong. It is not wrong to want a satisfactory answer about the chair, either. It is not wrong to want to understand, to understand all the way down through the cellular to the atomic level. It is not wrong to want to understand how the knowledge to use it was generated. It is not wrong that you don't want to deny one paradigm in favor of another one, but to see the truth in both of them.
It is important that you distinguish the reasons why the paradigms clash when they do. When is it because of a gap in the ability of the paradigm to consider something, and when is it because the knowledge is just not reached yet?
You are in a unique position, and you have a unique role in manifesting or bringing forth understanding.
(me) but don't you already have this understanding? Aren't you God? Can't you just give it to me? Why are you buttering me up?
(MFGH) yes, we do have the understanding, and yes, we can give it to you, and we will. You are the fulfillment of our understanding, don't you see that? We cannot manifest our understanding virtually. We have to have a (human) receptacle, a human co-creator, a human intelligence. The understanding does not exist "out there in the ethers" waiting for us to give it to you. It is unpacked, given life, given form, in your experience.
You are like our committed listener on the topic, or maybe a therapist. You help us bring it from latency to completion.
(me) mumble mumble grr grr
(MFGH) this is why it is important for you to talk to others who are in your position. And to stay with the folks at The Icarus Project. You are building knowledge, yes indeed-y, you are breaking new ground.
(me) well this is in part why I get so irritated with other people who are telling me the truth about things, especially bipolar, who have no experience with it. Or who deny the understandings of Western Science.
(MFGH) the point we are trying to make is that you are not wrong, in fact, your skepticism about non-Wstern medicine and insistence that it has something to offer is in fact valuable to us, as well as to creation. It may be a long time before this has wider impact, but as long as it helps you, then we are making progress.
(me) okay then explain to me about GABA [a neurotransmitter that is related to manifesting the symptoms of bipolar]. What is the OC of it? What does it have to do with denial spirits, Lucifer, etc.?
(MFGH) GABA isn't "causal," but it is closer to the cause. It is a primary symptom of its OC that has many consequences. The normal paradigm is to say that GABA levels cause bipolar, therefore this is how to solve the problem But GABA is also the "means" to the symptoms you experience as bipolar. In other words, if you look at it from another paradigm that says emotions are causal (to put it simply) you get a different question. That might be "what would need to go wrong in order to get these experiences ("symptoms") to happen in someone's life?" the answer would be to change the levels of GABA and the other neurotransmitters.
It is kind of like the argument over whether the Sun or the Earth is causal in the radiation that causes problems on the Earth. You could look at it from both sides, (i.e. it comes from the Sun vs. the Earth magnetizes it) and create strong arguments for both sides, but it doesn't mean that you have to pick one or the other. Each sees the "truth" from its point of view. And each side doesn't appreciate having its point of view denied by the other.
It might be helpful to understand Body's role in manifesting the Truth about the relationship of Spirit to Will, as well as the History of Experience that the particular essence is holding. You have to trace it back to its evolutionary OC.
We are not done with the story. We need to set certain fundamental building blocks into place. There is much more that needs to be explained about the relationship of consciousness and brain and mind and emotions. There is more that needs to be understood about Indigo's role in this. Why did the brain locate itself in the heart of the upper chakras? Why not a brain located in the hips, like a dinosaur?
There is a lot of lower-chakra blaming rage at the brain. There is a backlash that says that the brain is not causal to our experience! Just like you have rage that says the brain is causal!
All of this has to be untangled in order to get at the "truth" of causality. The charges have to be gotten through. And this does not mean that the charges are wrong, it is just that until the various points of view have their say, their release, they cannot enlarge their understanding.
A more subtle level of the above charges are the question of perpetration. From the lower chakra perspectives, anything upper is causal in terms of perpetration. But they do not want to say that life comes from the brain, because to them, this feels like a denial of their role in creation. They do not want to say that the manifested form of the problem is causal, that Body is causal. This gets Spirit off the hook. They are sick and tired of the answers to life's questions coming from the Spirit/Mind perspective. They are sick of Spirit/Mind telling them that they are causal to their own problems.
Each upper chakra has its own relationship to Brain and Spirit and Mind. And remember, we are speaking in generalities to lay out the territory, not defining the truth of any one experience.
Purple that aligned with Spirit feels frustrated when the Brain won't receive its input (inspiration). But Purple has had a huge impact on the judgments held in Mind for many people, depending on their polarizations. That is often how Purple is received.
Blue wants to control the Brain, and has many Mind control techniques to offer to gain and maintain power, especially over the lower chakra's input. Inspiration is okay, as long as it furthers the Blue agenda.
Indigo… well this is more tricky to explain…
Let us start with the role of the eyes and ears in the brain and mind.
The eyes are the sensory organ of the brain (along with the pituitary gland) and they transmit Light into electro-chemical impulses. The ears do the same with Vibration (along with the skull).
As you know, perception is a multi-step process of making meaning out of these impulses. Your mind is like the projector that is necessary to make a can of film come to life. The film (recorded experience) does not change, it does not appear or disappear, but it has no relevance, no contribution until it is fed through the mind. The mind is necessary for the film to come to life.
The other elements that are necessary are time/process (moving the film through the projector one frame at a time), light to illuminate the film, and the screen to reflect the light back to the viewer.
The sound track has a parallel set of necessities for it to be heard—time/process, the amplifier, the speaker, the air that it vibrates, and the ear drum which receives the vibration.
The mind is all of these processes in total, while the brain is the mechanical parts of it within the body. The mind "makes sense" of what happens in the mechanical processes, and includes the "reality screen" which is "perceived" by the brain.
The paradox for Indigo, is that the mind, the whole process of perception and meaning-making is greater than Indigo, but also resides within it.
This is in part because of the history of Creation. If Purple and Blue hadn't gapped, the Mind would be more integrated into the whole upper chakra spectrum (not to mention the lower chakra spectrum). But as it happened, the Place that would hold and receive Mind, the "neutral territory" was Indigo.
If the connections between the other Chakras and Indigo was stronger, Mind would be a much broader experience. Indigo's true gifts would be realized, and it would also be able to incorporate the gifts from the lower chakras much more easily.
We talked recently of the Indigo-Green-Orange Heart-channel. If this had been allowed to develop, the experience of Mind would be completely different. Essentially, Mind would not be located in the upper chakras. It would be an integrative function of all of the chakras.
Body and Mind would not be the dichotomy that they are today. Mind would be much more identified with Heart, with Balance and with Integration.
So part of the Lower Chakra objections about the primacy of mind is an objection to the primacy of the upper-chakra orientation of mind.
In men, the split between their "upper head" and their "lower head" is often made fun of, but this is pointing to a real split, and a real condition that needs healing. In women, the split is between women who allow their "lower head (brain)" to even manifest and those that do not. The Virgin-Whore split. There is no conceptualization that those that do allow for the lower brain could integrate it with their upper brains.
And the ones that do allow their lower brain to have some presence are to be controlled by the males. Females allowing their lower brain to make decisions for the species are very threatening to the males.
They are threatening to the other females as well. For those that do have lower brain presence, there is competition, and for those that do not, there is condemnation.
A big part of the problem in integrating the upper and lower brains, is the loss of the Central Heart.
Here we have collapsed the distinctions of "mind" and "brain" and "head" because of the common vernacular, but we think you get the idea.
When Indigo manifest in the Second Creation, there was no understanding or reality that the Fourth Creation, Green, or the Sixth Creation, Orange, would not manifest in full ("correctly" or per plan). Well this is not exactly true, but the point is, there was no accommodation made that the future Creations would not go according to Plan, or that the Plan might need to be changed. So Indigo manifested Mind as best it could, with the expectation that this was just the first "third" of the equation, without any idea that this would end up being the essence that would have to hold the entire function of Mind.
This ended up being a pretty heavy burden for Indigo. It was required to do much more than it's original form could handle. It did not have the input or support from the rest of the Heart Channel.
And this is also why Indigo could be so unbalanced. Essentially it "forgot" that it was not meant to be the Mind/Brain center in isolation. Parts of it were happy to have this role as it gave it power in relationship to the rest of the chakras. Parts of it felt very victimized, but didn't really understand why. Parts of it held a lot of resentment at having to carry the load for the whole Body. Parts of it ended up being "overresponsible" for the situation. Parts of it thought that it must have done something wrong to end up in this predicament. And parts of it broke down under the stress of the situation.
Indigo has a long history of feeling like it's contribution could help, if only others would receive it, but also an unwillingness to share its contribution, because others didn't receive it. To the outsiders, Indigo is a very frustrating presence—they feel its judgments that things are not unfolding correctly, but without any helpful feedback or constructive criticism. This only contributes to their inability to receive Indigo, because they have backed up rage that Indigo needs to receive but hasn't.
All sides can help if they move their feelings privately, but ultimately, there needs to be an expression of their points of view to each other. Once Indigo accepts and processes its own victimization, it can receive the feelings from those that it impacted—how it's actions ended up impacting creation.
Indigo has confusion about power—it seems to have a lot of power on the one hand, but also very little power on the other. The situation is very unbalanced. It seems to "prey" on those that admit their need for Indigo's input—psychics that milk hundreds of dollars from their dependent and even addicted clients—to compensate for the loss of status that it has in the mainstream.
Indigo has been very afraid of its power—in part because of the questions of the role of envisioning in manifesting the future—but it has also felt hugely denied in that it's input has been either diminished or "interpreted" to forward the agenda of the interpreter.
Take the "Revelations" in the Bible for example… These have been reified, and then analyzed and interpreted and used as evidence for various other points of view. You very rarely have an Indigo analysis of the words.
On the one hand, Indigo is happy that it has at least some influence on current events… it has some acknowledgement that it has a right place… but it hasn't been able to present it's critique on the message because the ones that actually have the power and want the message to work in their favor do not want Indigo to rock the boat.
And Heaven Forbid that everyone activate their Own Indigo! That would blow the power-mongers out of the water. So Revelations is giving its place in the Church Teachings, but the power to receive revelations (i.e. channeling) is called the work of the Devil. It is only the Church that can interpret what is received, it is only the Church that can declare any particular Revelation as "sanctioned" and "safe" to listen to.
There is a lot of cynicism in Indigo. This has to be broken down into its constituent parts of rage, frustration, resentment, fear, despair, and grief. Cynicism is an orientation that feels less threatening than actually experiencing the other feelings, but it is not a loving experience for the one that feels it or the ones that receive it. It is a stuck place, and will not take you to where you want to go.
(me) wow, thank you. I hope I can integrate this into my own process.
(MFGH) we have not doubt that you will. Just move in response.
[note: I had a business proposal to write, and I was up against a deadline.]
…So I am mostly feeling heaviness and fear/dread/guilt. I hate deadlines. I wish I had the chair but I don't even feel like I would have time to go move on it. I barely feel like I have time to channel. I don't even have time to formulate a question.
I feel that I am "bad" in relationship to the deadline. I guess I feel that I should have finished the proposal already, even though I knew that that would not be possible. I also feel "bad" in that I should have already done my research on pricing, etc. I should have been more serious about my professional development. I should already have training under my belt, and belong to associations, etc.
Its like a confrontation with the denial that I have been in. Kind of a "what was I thinking?" And also, "why didn't I give myself permission to pursue this stuff, [training, joining associations, etc.] when I knew it was a good thing?" Something about not feeling like I could justify it? To DD (Dear Dad), to DH (Dear Husband)?
I have not been in control of my career. I have been reactive, and also in fantasy… wanting an idealized version and not confronting the survival terror of supporting myself.
I guess I am starting to feel some of that terror… and also terror of my own inadequacies, of making a mistake, etc. Of fucking up big time. I wish I could get my own version of malpractice insurance. I wish my clients would take responsibility for themselves so I wouldn't have to be the fall guy if something goes wrong.
I need to go back on the chair about this.
And what about the chair???
What about doing sessions with other people???
MFGH can you help me receive and move and heal my terror?
(MFGH) yes, of course. Remember, whether this terror is triggered in you or not, it is still in existence. it is still suffering. So every time that you feel it, you are healing it. You are doing a good thing.
(me) I don't know if I believe that. Its confusing to me, especially with the anxiety part of the bipolar. I don't feel that denied will is causal. I don't feel that being terrified does anything to heal it. I don't know how to move a panic attack.
(MFGH) well we haven't gone into the causes of bipolar yet.
(me) well I don't think that you know, or that I am really channeling you, or could trust what you say… I feel like I can't bridge the two paradigms of causality.
I certainly don't think that it can be healed… when I look at how outsiders view it. I'm having a lot of doubts right now.
(MFGH) well consider your history, your position, just in this life. Consider the world views you have been indoctrinated in, and have tried to bridge and incorporate. It’s a big task, and you don't have anybody to turn to who has done this before. There are no answers out there for you. You have to discover this, construct this for yourself. You have to have an answer that really satisfies you, that satisfies everything.
And that is not wrong. It is not wrong to want a satisfactory answer about the chair, either. It is not wrong to want to understand, to understand all the way down through the cellular to the atomic level. It is not wrong to want to understand how the knowledge to use it was generated. It is not wrong that you don't want to deny one paradigm in favor of another one, but to see the truth in both of them.
It is important that you distinguish the reasons why the paradigms clash when they do. When is it because of a gap in the ability of the paradigm to consider something, and when is it because the knowledge is just not reached yet?
You are in a unique position, and you have a unique role in manifesting or bringing forth understanding.
(me) but don't you already have this understanding? Aren't you God? Can't you just give it to me? Why are you buttering me up?
(MFGH) yes, we do have the understanding, and yes, we can give it to you, and we will. You are the fulfillment of our understanding, don't you see that? We cannot manifest our understanding virtually. We have to have a (human) receptacle, a human co-creator, a human intelligence. The understanding does not exist "out there in the ethers" waiting for us to give it to you. It is unpacked, given life, given form, in your experience.
You are like our committed listener on the topic, or maybe a therapist. You help us bring it from latency to completion.
(me) mumble mumble grr grr
(MFGH) this is why it is important for you to talk to others who are in your position. And to stay with the folks at The Icarus Project. You are building knowledge, yes indeed-y, you are breaking new ground.
(me) well this is in part why I get so irritated with other people who are telling me the truth about things, especially bipolar, who have no experience with it. Or who deny the understandings of Western Science.
(MFGH) the point we are trying to make is that you are not wrong, in fact, your skepticism about non-Wstern medicine and insistence that it has something to offer is in fact valuable to us, as well as to creation. It may be a long time before this has wider impact, but as long as it helps you, then we are making progress.
(me) okay then explain to me about GABA [a neurotransmitter that is related to manifesting the symptoms of bipolar]. What is the OC of it? What does it have to do with denial spirits, Lucifer, etc.?
(MFGH) GABA isn't "causal," but it is closer to the cause. It is a primary symptom of its OC that has many consequences. The normal paradigm is to say that GABA levels cause bipolar, therefore this is how to solve the problem But GABA is also the "means" to the symptoms you experience as bipolar. In other words, if you look at it from another paradigm that says emotions are causal (to put it simply) you get a different question. That might be "what would need to go wrong in order to get these experiences ("symptoms") to happen in someone's life?" the answer would be to change the levels of GABA and the other neurotransmitters.
It is kind of like the argument over whether the Sun or the Earth is causal in the radiation that causes problems on the Earth. You could look at it from both sides, (i.e. it comes from the Sun vs. the Earth magnetizes it) and create strong arguments for both sides, but it doesn't mean that you have to pick one or the other. Each sees the "truth" from its point of view. And each side doesn't appreciate having its point of view denied by the other.
It might be helpful to understand Body's role in manifesting the Truth about the relationship of Spirit to Will, as well as the History of Experience that the particular essence is holding. You have to trace it back to its evolutionary OC.
We are not done with the story. We need to set certain fundamental building blocks into place. There is much more that needs to be explained about the relationship of consciousness and brain and mind and emotions. There is more that needs to be understood about Indigo's role in this. Why did the brain locate itself in the heart of the upper chakras? Why not a brain located in the hips, like a dinosaur?
There is a lot of lower-chakra blaming rage at the brain. There is a backlash that says that the brain is not causal to our experience! Just like you have rage that says the brain is causal!
All of this has to be untangled in order to get at the "truth" of causality. The charges have to be gotten through. And this does not mean that the charges are wrong, it is just that until the various points of view have their say, their release, they cannot enlarge their understanding.
A more subtle level of the above charges are the question of perpetration. From the lower chakra perspectives, anything upper is causal in terms of perpetration. But they do not want to say that life comes from the brain, because to them, this feels like a denial of their role in creation. They do not want to say that the manifested form of the problem is causal, that Body is causal. This gets Spirit off the hook. They are sick and tired of the answers to life's questions coming from the Spirit/Mind perspective. They are sick of Spirit/Mind telling them that they are causal to their own problems.
Each upper chakra has its own relationship to Brain and Spirit and Mind. And remember, we are speaking in generalities to lay out the territory, not defining the truth of any one experience.
Purple that aligned with Spirit feels frustrated when the Brain won't receive its input (inspiration). But Purple has had a huge impact on the judgments held in Mind for many people, depending on their polarizations. That is often how Purple is received.
Blue wants to control the Brain, and has many Mind control techniques to offer to gain and maintain power, especially over the lower chakra's input. Inspiration is okay, as long as it furthers the Blue agenda.
Indigo… well this is more tricky to explain…
Let us start with the role of the eyes and ears in the brain and mind.
The eyes are the sensory organ of the brain (along with the pituitary gland) and they transmit Light into electro-chemical impulses. The ears do the same with Vibration (along with the skull).
As you know, perception is a multi-step process of making meaning out of these impulses. Your mind is like the projector that is necessary to make a can of film come to life. The film (recorded experience) does not change, it does not appear or disappear, but it has no relevance, no contribution until it is fed through the mind. The mind is necessary for the film to come to life.
The other elements that are necessary are time/process (moving the film through the projector one frame at a time), light to illuminate the film, and the screen to reflect the light back to the viewer.
The sound track has a parallel set of necessities for it to be heard—time/process, the amplifier, the speaker, the air that it vibrates, and the ear drum which receives the vibration.
The mind is all of these processes in total, while the brain is the mechanical parts of it within the body. The mind "makes sense" of what happens in the mechanical processes, and includes the "reality screen" which is "perceived" by the brain.
The paradox for Indigo, is that the mind, the whole process of perception and meaning-making is greater than Indigo, but also resides within it.
This is in part because of the history of Creation. If Purple and Blue hadn't gapped, the Mind would be more integrated into the whole upper chakra spectrum (not to mention the lower chakra spectrum). But as it happened, the Place that would hold and receive Mind, the "neutral territory" was Indigo.
If the connections between the other Chakras and Indigo was stronger, Mind would be a much broader experience. Indigo's true gifts would be realized, and it would also be able to incorporate the gifts from the lower chakras much more easily.
We talked recently of the Indigo-Green-Orange Heart-channel. If this had been allowed to develop, the experience of Mind would be completely different. Essentially, Mind would not be located in the upper chakras. It would be an integrative function of all of the chakras.
Body and Mind would not be the dichotomy that they are today. Mind would be much more identified with Heart, with Balance and with Integration.
So part of the Lower Chakra objections about the primacy of mind is an objection to the primacy of the upper-chakra orientation of mind.
In men, the split between their "upper head" and their "lower head" is often made fun of, but this is pointing to a real split, and a real condition that needs healing. In women, the split is between women who allow their "lower head (brain)" to even manifest and those that do not. The Virgin-Whore split. There is no conceptualization that those that do allow for the lower brain could integrate it with their upper brains.
And the ones that do allow their lower brain to have some presence are to be controlled by the males. Females allowing their lower brain to make decisions for the species are very threatening to the males.
They are threatening to the other females as well. For those that do have lower brain presence, there is competition, and for those that do not, there is condemnation.
A big part of the problem in integrating the upper and lower brains, is the loss of the Central Heart.
Here we have collapsed the distinctions of "mind" and "brain" and "head" because of the common vernacular, but we think you get the idea.
When Indigo manifest in the Second Creation, there was no understanding or reality that the Fourth Creation, Green, or the Sixth Creation, Orange, would not manifest in full ("correctly" or per plan). Well this is not exactly true, but the point is, there was no accommodation made that the future Creations would not go according to Plan, or that the Plan might need to be changed. So Indigo manifested Mind as best it could, with the expectation that this was just the first "third" of the equation, without any idea that this would end up being the essence that would have to hold the entire function of Mind.
This ended up being a pretty heavy burden for Indigo. It was required to do much more than it's original form could handle. It did not have the input or support from the rest of the Heart Channel.
And this is also why Indigo could be so unbalanced. Essentially it "forgot" that it was not meant to be the Mind/Brain center in isolation. Parts of it were happy to have this role as it gave it power in relationship to the rest of the chakras. Parts of it felt very victimized, but didn't really understand why. Parts of it held a lot of resentment at having to carry the load for the whole Body. Parts of it ended up being "overresponsible" for the situation. Parts of it thought that it must have done something wrong to end up in this predicament. And parts of it broke down under the stress of the situation.
Indigo has a long history of feeling like it's contribution could help, if only others would receive it, but also an unwillingness to share its contribution, because others didn't receive it. To the outsiders, Indigo is a very frustrating presence—they feel its judgments that things are not unfolding correctly, but without any helpful feedback or constructive criticism. This only contributes to their inability to receive Indigo, because they have backed up rage that Indigo needs to receive but hasn't.
All sides can help if they move their feelings privately, but ultimately, there needs to be an expression of their points of view to each other. Once Indigo accepts and processes its own victimization, it can receive the feelings from those that it impacted—how it's actions ended up impacting creation.
Indigo has confusion about power—it seems to have a lot of power on the one hand, but also very little power on the other. The situation is very unbalanced. It seems to "prey" on those that admit their need for Indigo's input—psychics that milk hundreds of dollars from their dependent and even addicted clients—to compensate for the loss of status that it has in the mainstream.
Indigo has been very afraid of its power—in part because of the questions of the role of envisioning in manifesting the future—but it has also felt hugely denied in that it's input has been either diminished or "interpreted" to forward the agenda of the interpreter.
Take the "Revelations" in the Bible for example… These have been reified, and then analyzed and interpreted and used as evidence for various other points of view. You very rarely have an Indigo analysis of the words.
On the one hand, Indigo is happy that it has at least some influence on current events… it has some acknowledgement that it has a right place… but it hasn't been able to present it's critique on the message because the ones that actually have the power and want the message to work in their favor do not want Indigo to rock the boat.
And Heaven Forbid that everyone activate their Own Indigo! That would blow the power-mongers out of the water. So Revelations is giving its place in the Church Teachings, but the power to receive revelations (i.e. channeling) is called the work of the Devil. It is only the Church that can interpret what is received, it is only the Church that can declare any particular Revelation as "sanctioned" and "safe" to listen to.
There is a lot of cynicism in Indigo. This has to be broken down into its constituent parts of rage, frustration, resentment, fear, despair, and grief. Cynicism is an orientation that feels less threatening than actually experiencing the other feelings, but it is not a loving experience for the one that feels it or the ones that receive it. It is a stuck place, and will not take you to where you want to go.
(me) wow, thank you. I hope I can integrate this into my own process.
(MFGH) we have not doubt that you will. Just move in response.
Monday, July 2, 2007
guilt in the metaphysical anatomy
2007-12-23
[note: I was trying to understand some movement that happened the night before, and eventually this came through.]
(MFGH) ...The question of how rage aligns with lost light is important to understand. Yes is can be as blatant as Lucifer coming to you and promising you power if you let him in… but it can also be a lot more subtle. The alignment can also be a result of a smack… the smack itself pushes or splits the rage out violently, as the energy of the smack needs to have somewhere to "go." The unloving light that is received from the smack goes to the essence that has an affinity to it—either self-hate (usually terror-polar), which thinks it has to receive it (and deserves to be punished) or other-hate (usually rage polar) that wants to give the smack right back to the sender (revenge). I am simplifying things here to give you a mental diagram of what can happen.
In the self-hate scenario, the smack energy bounces back and forth between the will essence and the presence of guilt encapsulating the will essence, and continues to reinforce the smack and reimprint its message every time it "bounces" off the will. This, of course, is very painful to the will.
So it is important that will that is self-hating understand that it needs to release the unloving light back out that is trapped in there with it under guilt. The trick is to get the impetus to release from the core of the will, from "underneath" the encapsulating guilt; from underneath the unloving light trapped there with it; and from underneath the imprints held in the will as well. You must get all the way down to the base line of the will there, and vibrate out from there, releasing the imprints, releasing the light, and making a "doorway" for them to leave you by pushing the encapsulating guilt out of your aura which is holding everything in.
Guilt is essentially a boundary, a "no man's zone," which light and vibration do no pass through. It is what is supposed to be between creation and the void (also known as the Ring-Pass-Not). It gets entangled in the magnetic essence and keeps what is "under" it from getting the light.
The magnetic essence shrinks back from it, and slows down its vibration. This only opens space for more guilt to be present.
Imagine that your energy body is like an onion, with nested oviods corresponding to each chakra; red in the inside and purple on the outside. You can have guilt at any layer of your aura. Where it is present, it blocks the flow of energy from coming in to or out of the center (through the layers). Another way to put it, is that guilt warps your energy field, and therefore, your ability to project the reality that you want, or your ability to receive what you need in order to manifest it.
Homeopathy and Chinese Medicine understand this model, and they try to deal with things on the surface level before they work their way "in." They also try to heal things one layer at a time, from the outside in.
This matches our model, in that if you have a shell of guilt blocking you, you need to "crack it" in order for the unloving light that you are holding to get out, and the loving light you need, to get in.
But you also have an "innermost in" connection to the Mother that can help you work from the inside out. In fact it will empower her if you draw on this with the intent that she help you release the unloving light. As this happens, she will be able to open space and draw the loving light instead.
Each chakra projects light through it into its corresponding layer of the energy body. The imprints in the chakra shape this layer. The guilt "shielding" at each of the layers of the aura correspond to the imprints in each chakra. So another way to get in touch with that status of your own aura is to feel into/look into each chakra and then follow the energy from that chakra outward.
Your recent breakthrough with your posture [I had a release as I was practicing an energy meditation that I learned in yoga class] "cracked" one of the energy body guilt-shields. This allowed the corresponding part of your chakra column to project outwards again. As you know, this healing has involved a lot of rearrangement of the habit patterns of how you hold your body [i.e. yoga practice]. Your physical body is the center or innermost layer of your aura, so when you get things moving here, it can have a big effect.
So in the same way that you can start with your inner connection to the Mother, you can also start with your body to do release. Release is a physical process. It can clear stuff out if you are allowing the will to express through your body. Body work can trigger this release, if you allow movement to happen. However, but if what is being held in the will (unloving light, or denial ,or imprints, or judgments) doesn't work its way all the way out through the layers of your aura, the change does not stick because you will still be holding it at some level. As you can see, guilt has to be moved back to some degree in order for this to happen.
If what is being held does not move all the way out, the trigger will come around again. This is what is happening when you think you have learned a lesson but there it is again.
If you have these guilt-shields, you can end up feeling very "pushed around", because other people's energy has something "hard" to push against. This is not exactly what happens, but it is a pretty close analogy. If you are not letting your true response flow through you, to keep yourself "flushed out," other people's energy can get lodged in your aura and especially between layers of the guild-shield. Thought you are holding their essence, they still have a least a worm-hole connection to it, if not an actually intention-cord, and so they can "move you around" through this connection.
It is good to visualize the release of such things, but it is really the vibration that actually does the work of moving them out. The visualization is more like setting the intention. Visualizing does not have the "inside out" information about the energy constellation, in the way that feeling the energy constellation from the inside has. Allowing the will's process to just flow is the "safest" way to work with this. It is the same as following Grace.
(me) Wow, thank you. I am just starting to be able to distinguish some of the details of my chakras and set their openness/closedness so I will start trying to feel the layers of my aura.
(MFGH) you can use you inner eye to look as well. This is valid information, but it has less dimensionality than using your "inner hand" in conjunction with it.
[note: I was trying to understand some movement that happened the night before, and eventually this came through.]
(MFGH) ...The question of how rage aligns with lost light is important to understand. Yes is can be as blatant as Lucifer coming to you and promising you power if you let him in… but it can also be a lot more subtle. The alignment can also be a result of a smack… the smack itself pushes or splits the rage out violently, as the energy of the smack needs to have somewhere to "go." The unloving light that is received from the smack goes to the essence that has an affinity to it—either self-hate (usually terror-polar), which thinks it has to receive it (and deserves to be punished) or other-hate (usually rage polar) that wants to give the smack right back to the sender (revenge). I am simplifying things here to give you a mental diagram of what can happen.
In the self-hate scenario, the smack energy bounces back and forth between the will essence and the presence of guilt encapsulating the will essence, and continues to reinforce the smack and reimprint its message every time it "bounces" off the will. This, of course, is very painful to the will.
So it is important that will that is self-hating understand that it needs to release the unloving light back out that is trapped in there with it under guilt. The trick is to get the impetus to release from the core of the will, from "underneath" the encapsulating guilt; from underneath the unloving light trapped there with it; and from underneath the imprints held in the will as well. You must get all the way down to the base line of the will there, and vibrate out from there, releasing the imprints, releasing the light, and making a "doorway" for them to leave you by pushing the encapsulating guilt out of your aura which is holding everything in.
Guilt is essentially a boundary, a "no man's zone," which light and vibration do no pass through. It is what is supposed to be between creation and the void (also known as the Ring-Pass-Not). It gets entangled in the magnetic essence and keeps what is "under" it from getting the light.
The magnetic essence shrinks back from it, and slows down its vibration. This only opens space for more guilt to be present.
Imagine that your energy body is like an onion, with nested oviods corresponding to each chakra; red in the inside and purple on the outside. You can have guilt at any layer of your aura. Where it is present, it blocks the flow of energy from coming in to or out of the center (through the layers). Another way to put it, is that guilt warps your energy field, and therefore, your ability to project the reality that you want, or your ability to receive what you need in order to manifest it.
Homeopathy and Chinese Medicine understand this model, and they try to deal with things on the surface level before they work their way "in." They also try to heal things one layer at a time, from the outside in.
This matches our model, in that if you have a shell of guilt blocking you, you need to "crack it" in order for the unloving light that you are holding to get out, and the loving light you need, to get in.
But you also have an "innermost in" connection to the Mother that can help you work from the inside out. In fact it will empower her if you draw on this with the intent that she help you release the unloving light. As this happens, she will be able to open space and draw the loving light instead.
Each chakra projects light through it into its corresponding layer of the energy body. The imprints in the chakra shape this layer. The guilt "shielding" at each of the layers of the aura correspond to the imprints in each chakra. So another way to get in touch with that status of your own aura is to feel into/look into each chakra and then follow the energy from that chakra outward.
Your recent breakthrough with your posture [I had a release as I was practicing an energy meditation that I learned in yoga class] "cracked" one of the energy body guilt-shields. This allowed the corresponding part of your chakra column to project outwards again. As you know, this healing has involved a lot of rearrangement of the habit patterns of how you hold your body [i.e. yoga practice]. Your physical body is the center or innermost layer of your aura, so when you get things moving here, it can have a big effect.
So in the same way that you can start with your inner connection to the Mother, you can also start with your body to do release. Release is a physical process. It can clear stuff out if you are allowing the will to express through your body. Body work can trigger this release, if you allow movement to happen. However, but if what is being held in the will (unloving light, or denial ,or imprints, or judgments) doesn't work its way all the way out through the layers of your aura, the change does not stick because you will still be holding it at some level. As you can see, guilt has to be moved back to some degree in order for this to happen.
If what is being held does not move all the way out, the trigger will come around again. This is what is happening when you think you have learned a lesson but there it is again.
If you have these guilt-shields, you can end up feeling very "pushed around", because other people's energy has something "hard" to push against. This is not exactly what happens, but it is a pretty close analogy. If you are not letting your true response flow through you, to keep yourself "flushed out," other people's energy can get lodged in your aura and especially between layers of the guild-shield. Thought you are holding their essence, they still have a least a worm-hole connection to it, if not an actually intention-cord, and so they can "move you around" through this connection.
It is good to visualize the release of such things, but it is really the vibration that actually does the work of moving them out. The visualization is more like setting the intention. Visualizing does not have the "inside out" information about the energy constellation, in the way that feeling the energy constellation from the inside has. Allowing the will's process to just flow is the "safest" way to work with this. It is the same as following Grace.
(me) Wow, thank you. I am just starting to be able to distinguish some of the details of my chakras and set their openness/closedness so I will start trying to feel the layers of my aura.
(MFGH) you can use you inner eye to look as well. This is valid information, but it has less dimensionality than using your "inner hand" in conjunction with it.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
The OC of Lucifer
2006-12-20
[Note on abbreviations: FOM = Father of Manifestation, HS = Heart Son, HD = Heart Daughter, PW = Purple Woman, BW = Blue Woman, OH = Original Heart]
(me) MFGH? I have a question about how Blue Woman/the Third Creation emerged. Intellectually I feel like I must be involved in this organism, but I have not connected with this.
(MFGH) Lucifer comes into play, here. This is partly why the Third Creation was unloving.
(me) are you saying I am parental to Blue Woman?
(MFGH) we do not want you to misfire with your triggers here.
(MFGH) In the First Creation (Purple), all the Parts experienced opposition for the first time. They all experienced rivals for what they wanted. God vs FOM, both of them vs HS, Mother vs HD, all the HDs vs PW… so the competitive, win or loose feelings that came up around these experiences go way back, all the way back to the beginning. That is why they are called "primitive" by some, and yet their "refined" competition is just a different form of the same thing. Everybody has these feelings, and many have shame about them. In fact, the place that they have the most acceptance is in Body and in Blue. (Think of the "healthy competition" that is literally the foundation of business and sports.)
Many of you have judged these feelings as wrong, and have pushed them into these realms, or your denied feelings have found a home there, which has increased their presence there. It also increases the power in these realms, which has been abused.
There were also internal splits within each Part; especially the growing polarization between terror and rage in response to what they were encountering. We did not really understand emotions or emotional processes. The impulses seemed very discreet [as in separate]. We were encountering differentiation for the first time, and we did not have the distinctions between the differentiation that was—there is no word for this in English—"functional" or "formal" or "structural" or "planned" and the differentiations that were just the flow of experience; this feeling or that response or the perceptions of the unfoldment of evolution—what we have been calling fragmentation. So when rage wanted to go, it felt that it was a separate entity that had its own place, and we had no reason to doubt it.
Terror was a different situation, it did not want to go, it wanted to cling to us in fact, but we wanted it to go, and so justified our denial of it (when we were conscious of this decision) by saying that it was not a part of us.
Out of this context, Lucifer was born. He was totally unexpected in terms of the plans of Original Heart. We did not, as we discovered later, really exhaust all possibilities in our experimentations in OH. We did not know the pain that the Will would experience in separation, we did not know the resentment that would come up in response to separation—in fact, this was our Fatal Flaw. We had no anticipation of the feelings that would become Lucifer, and so there was no "plan" that would allow us to accept these feelings and prevent his manifestation in the first place.
The light end of the electro-magnetic specturm in OH that was the fastest wanted to push past the absolutes of the "speed of light" and on into infinity. From its point of view, why should speed ever have a limit? Why should expansion ever stop? Why should it be concerned with staying connected to the whole?
And on some level, this aspect is still accelerating. In fact, this is hard to put into words, but all of the intention to accelerate is continuing to act on our universe—this is the force of expansion, that has allowed our universe to increase in size, infinitely. The Will has "had to" open space for this expansion, and Body has "had to" fill it with manifestation.
So imagine that there is a continuum of speeds… from intention that wanted to go infinitely fast, through intention that wanted to go almost infinitely fast (which really means, this was the first position there are limits, because anything less than infinite had a finite speed); through intention that wanted to go very fast, then fast, then less than fast, then slower, etc.
If you can imagine the spectrum as a line, with the fastest end pulling ahead (and pushing out the leading "edge" of the universe in the process); and drawing out the almost infinitely fast, and this intention pulling out the very fast speed, and so on down the line.
And then you need to imagine the speed "next slowest to infinity" (which is the infinitely large rate of speed minus the infinitely small rate of speed)… and there you have the actual edge of the universe, because infinitely fast is already—"to infinity" (edgeless). In your terms, infinately fast is what is known as "possibility." Also "the future."
So, to understand Lucifer's experience… he is the farthest end of the desire to go infinitely fast… but to manifest being, he had to be limited…so when he reached the edge of the universe, he experienced his original frustration… that he had limits… he "hit the wall" so to speak… and this enraged him. And this rage imprinted him, shaped him… and wanted to destroy anything that limited him…
He is the manifestation of that which does not want to be "held back and down"… that is his anathema… and so he "aligned" with FOM/Blue's rage there… but you could also say he was the Original Cause of it on a different layer of the cake…
For why is being held back and down so ultimately disturbing to Blue? This is, in fact, one of the "accidental" artifacts of the unfoldment of creation.
When Lucifer hit the wall, he began his long, long journey back…but this is getting ahead of the story. We have said that began his journey in the orgasm in Blue. But to fully understand why this orgasm was so unloving, we have to go back even further, to the First Creation orgasm in Purple that created the Second Creation (Indigo). (Note: this is different from the Seventh Creation reenactment of it that is portrayed in the Books.)
To set the scene, we'll go back to the Yin Yang symbol. Purple has already been created. Some of the Will essence is within the Light--the PW/HD "dot" in the light. The rest is still in the darkness, except for its "dot" of light within it (the HS that bonded with the Mother early on). The two dots are connected by a wormhole (aka the remnant of OH, Grandfather's intention, Heart's mission, Grace).
In simple terms, "sex" begins to occur when the Mother essence starts to rise through the wormhole towards the Light. PW is at the "top" of this wormhole or "Mother tube." The Mother's magnetism begins to draw the Light towards the Mothertube—towards PW. The Light goes into the Mothertube through the PW. Then a Bridge begins to be manifested by the Father of Manifestation following the incipient "shape" of the situation through the Mothertube—if this is looking like male and female body parts, you are not wrong. The reconnection between the Light and the Will that begins to happen results in the "explosive" orgasm that creates more…well…creation.
The Will expands space…the sphere enlarges… and the next available Light on the spectrum fills it… in this case, a core of purple surrounded by a shere of indigo… and indigo has its first experience of being "lost in space"… as it rushes out into the void in all directions and leaves the space/form of the previous creation behind… manifestation streaming out behind it…
This experience both triggers and imprints the Light and all of Manifestation there—all of the Second Creation—all of Indigo, in other words…
We won't go into this in detail now, but will mention these impressions in the Light (we will leave it to you to determine your own judgments and imprints here):
I forgive myself for judging and believing for so long that:
- I am lost (when I am) in the dark.
- Going forward means loosing my way.
- Expansion means confronting nothingness.
- I am empty/Growing means I will be left with an emptiness inside.
- I wish I could have stayed in my comfort zone/I shouldn't have ventured forth.
- I want to return to my reverie/I want to crawl back into the "womb."
- Everywhere I look, I see darkness/I can't see the future.
- The plan is not the same as the experience.
- If the plan is not the same as the experience, the plan must have been wrong.
- If the plan is not the same as the experience, I must be doing it wrong.
- I shouldn't have had that orgasm.
- I can't control what I have manifested.
- I shouldn't be so powerful.
- I can't handle my creation.
- Desire is the source of my problems/desire is wrong.
- Sex is the source of my problems/sex is wrong.
- Manifestation is the source of my problems/manifestation is wrong.
(me) I am getting glimpses of a lot more that I want to record:
- Indigo judgment: I shouldn't have been born.
- Lucifer at the edge of the universe—disturbed the Asuras
- Will judgment: every time I try to go for what I want, part of me gets left behind
- Lucifer had presence in (sex with?) Indigo
- the unloving light flowed (?) into Blue
- Blue's desire to expand came from two sources: Luciferian light and Body's emerging consciousness of its power to manifest (?)
- limits looked like Death—the opposite of life
- the Asuras showed up in Indigo and caused death in Blue
- Green's response was reactionary… "pro love"
[to be continued--I'm not sure when.]
Monday, June 18, 2007
Indigo
2006-12-19
[I started with a brief discussion of my vision for the heartofindigo.com website, and how it was hard to wait.]
(me) its hard for me to have patience and allow things to unfold in "right time." Hey I just got that "right time" is like following the Tao.
(MFGH) yes. Right time is not like an appointment on the calendar that you have to wait to get to. It is matching the pace of the unfoldment… balancing speed and slowness, not rushing the will but not stopping it either…
Part of our problems in the beginning was our different speeds. In a sense, in the explosion of Original Heart, the Will had to slow down and nearly stop to clench, while the light had to rev up past the ignition point. This was not wrong in terms allowing Matter to manifest. To say more would require you to have some physics basics in your consciousness.
(me) okay maybe when I get a chance to do some reading we can come back to this.
(MFGH) it is important that this earliest of stories gets told as well, so anything that you could do to facilitate this would be welcome.
(me) wasn't the story in the Indigo book a Seventh Creation reenactment of the First Creation story?
(MFGH) if you insist on a linear time line, then yes. But at this level of reality, "time" is more like nested spheres of influence. The Macro and Microcosms were already present. So what was happening in the microcosm of the First Creation was also happening in the macrocosm of the Seventh Creation. We put it this way, because each subsequent creation was bigger, and embraced the previous creations. This is because more and more Will presence was entering into a relationship with the Light. More space was opened for Form to manifest with each iteration.
Allow your understanding to unfold with time. You cannot really "get" it when it is a concept. It has to be activated in your own experience.
It is analogous to your own energy body.
(me) I don't understand why it is flipped around, though. My understanding is in our energy bodies the Red sphere is the smallest.
(MFGH) yes, because you are in the Seventh Creation now. At this level, it is easier to start with the vessel, the seed of Body. Your Earthly parents were whole Seventh Creation beings, while at the beginning we were not that yet, nor did we have parents.
(me) I have so much curiosity about the Second Creation. I have gotten glimpses but it seems like such a big gap in the story. And why would "night" come after purple? Why did Indigo hide?
(MFGH) Indigo "saw" what happened in the First Creation. It was the first time that we had actual Manifestation to observe and learn from. You could say that Indigo was scarred by what it saw. And decided the route that the Parts took there was "not for me!" And so it reversed on itself and went into hiding. Reversed is not the quite word. We would say went "inside out" except it was more like "outside in and inside in too." It went deep, silent, underground, so to speak.
On another layer, Indigo was born from the orgasm in Purple. In this orgasm, there was enough will presence to manifest the spectrum of my light that is next to purple—indigo. Indigo was the beginning of reflecting on something—and also, of understanding reflections. Indigo had intimate knowledge of the beginnings of things, and this helps it understand.
Indigo also was the beginning of questioning the assumptions we made in Original Heart. The primary one was that things would unfold as we "envisioned" they would. Indigo carried the dream/blueprint in a "visual" form. All of the colors carry it, but each in their own way.
One of the important differences between Indigo and Blue is that Blue was the beginning of "voice." So in manifestation, the pattern is the Divine Inspiration, the Vision, and then Speaking the Vision.
Having a voice enabled Blue to "vibrate itself." It had an ability to shape manifestation with its vibratory power and draw to it what it wanted. This is part of why FOM was drawn to it. There was the possibility of intention in Blue that wasn't yet possible in Indigo. So Blue Woman could say with confidence "Come here Big Boy" to FOM and let him know that she could give him what he wanted because she could be an active participant. She could intend, and then manifest her intention.
The unfortunate consequence of Blue manifesting before Green, is that Blue did not have the heart presence to know to manifest something loving. It had desire without heart—which amounts to "power over" others, instead of "being empowered and empowering."
FOM did not have the Heart presence then either. This was in part because he did not "exist" in the same ways that the rest of us did in Original Heart. He was the longed for, yet completely unknown, part of the creation process. He did not "carry the blueprint/dream" in the same way that other parts did. You could say that he was the blueprint/dream, in that everything he did imprinted creation and manifested the dream.
To switch perspectives for a moment, you also need to consider what was happening for the rest of the Will that was not yet communing with the Light or manifesting her desires. She was lost to the rest of us. We were lost to her. She was drawing us to her through the part of her that was at the end of the wormhole begtween her and the light—what we have called "Daughter Heart." The "dot" of Yin in the Yang side. She was like a force at the other end of the worm hole, drawing us to the opening so that we could go down through DH into her. She was also trying to rise up through the wormhole to receive us.
In the Second Creation, Indigo "knew" that the Will was going to have problems now. It understood that this pattern of creating a little bit at a time with a little bit of Will at a time was not such a good idea after all. It could "foresee" how this problem was going to unfold in each subsequent creation, when only a part of the Will was going to join Manifestation at a time. It could visualize the blueprint/dream, and could also visualize the probable actual unfoldment. And it did not look good.
This gap was very distressing to Indigo, as you can well imagine. This was the first "understanding" of "gap," although Indigo had no clue what to do about it, or even how to communicate it to the rest of us. We did not have any knowledge that we should be looking to Indigo for this kind of information, or how to use it once we had it, for that matter. There was not even a coherent "us" to communicate to.
So Indigo had the makings of its first internal gap—the side that polarized to the dream (what we wanted to happen), and the side that polarized to the "truth" (what would actually happen). The "dreamers" and the "realists" have been at odds with each other ever since. In actuality, for Indigo to fulfill its function, it needs to have both sides present and cross referencing each other, but this has not always happened. But in another way this is not wrong, in that it was the beginning of binocular vision—seeing things from two slightly separated points of view gives you a depth of understanding.
Indigo also had the first awareness (perception) of the "invisible" connection between "lost will" and manifestation—the "worm holes." This is a big contributor to Indigo's "psychic powers." To Indigo, it is not mysterious. It is simply seeing the "web" and understanding how various parts are connected and influence each other. This ability to see relationships as a whole is part of what you call "right brain" understanding.
And remember, you all have an indigo chakra, and so have the potential for these gifts. But with the gifts comes the knowledge of pain in the rest of creation, and this can be very distressing.
thank you. What about the orgasm that brought forth the Third Creation? Did Indigo have sex with FOM?
no. Indigo is a tertiary color. This means that it is comprised of a primary (blue) and secondary (purple) color. It is the only tertiary color in the Chakra Rainbow—blue-violet. In fact, you could say that it has presence when blue-green, yellow-green, orange-yellow, and red-orange do not. Notice that these colors do not even have their own name.
All of these colors are in the "background" of the Chakra Rainbow, and each of them has issues about that. This is a whole other area of exploration that we will save for another time. But they have a role in connecting each Chakra, and many who have not found their "home color," or could not decide between two, may discover that they are in this category.
Thank you. I think this is all I can handle right now.
[I started with a brief discussion of my vision for the heartofindigo.com website, and how it was hard to wait.]
(me) its hard for me to have patience and allow things to unfold in "right time." Hey I just got that "right time" is like following the Tao.
(MFGH) yes. Right time is not like an appointment on the calendar that you have to wait to get to. It is matching the pace of the unfoldment… balancing speed and slowness, not rushing the will but not stopping it either…
Part of our problems in the beginning was our different speeds. In a sense, in the explosion of Original Heart, the Will had to slow down and nearly stop to clench, while the light had to rev up past the ignition point. This was not wrong in terms allowing Matter to manifest. To say more would require you to have some physics basics in your consciousness.
(me) okay maybe when I get a chance to do some reading we can come back to this.
(MFGH) it is important that this earliest of stories gets told as well, so anything that you could do to facilitate this would be welcome.
(me)
(MFGH) if you insist on a linear time line, then yes. But at this level of reality, "time" is more like nested spheres of influence. The Macro and Microcosms were already present. So what was happening in the microcosm of the First Creation was also happening in the macrocosm of the Seventh Creation. We put it this way, because each subsequent creation was bigger, and embraced the previous creations. This is because more and more Will presence was entering into a relationship with the Light. More space was opened for Form to manifest with each iteration.
Allow your understanding to unfold with time. You cannot really "get" it when it is a concept. It has to be activated in your own experience.
It is analogous to your own energy body.
(me) I don't understand why it is flipped around, though. My understanding is in our energy bodies the Red sphere is the smallest.
(MFGH) yes, because you are in the Seventh Creation now. At this level, it is easier to start with the vessel, the seed of Body. Your Earthly parents were whole Seventh Creation beings, while at the beginning we were not that yet, nor did we have parents.
(me) I have so much curiosity about the Second Creation. I have gotten glimpses but it seems like such a big gap in the story. And why would "night" come after purple? Why did Indigo hide?
(MFGH) Indigo "saw" what happened in the First Creation. It was the first time that we had actual Manifestation to observe and learn from. You could say that Indigo was scarred by what it saw. And decided the route that the Parts took there was "not for me!" And so it reversed on itself and went into hiding. Reversed is not the quite word. We would say went "inside out" except it was more like "outside in and inside in too." It went deep, silent, underground, so to speak.
On another layer, Indigo was born from the orgasm in Purple. In this orgasm, there was enough will presence to manifest the spectrum of my light that is next to purple—indigo. Indigo was the beginning of reflecting on something—and also, of understanding reflections. Indigo had intimate knowledge of the beginnings of things, and this helps it understand.
Indigo also was the beginning of questioning the assumptions we made in Original Heart. The primary one was that things would unfold as we "envisioned" they would. Indigo carried the dream/blueprint in a "visual" form. All of the colors carry it, but each in their own way.
One of the important differences between Indigo and Blue is that Blue was the beginning of "voice." So in manifestation, the pattern is the Divine Inspiration, the Vision, and then Speaking the Vision.
Having a voice enabled Blue to "vibrate itself." It had an ability to shape manifestation with its vibratory power and draw to it what it wanted. This is part of why FOM was drawn to it. There was the possibility of intention in Blue that wasn't yet possible in Indigo. So Blue Woman could say with confidence "Come here Big Boy" to FOM and let him know that she could give him what he wanted because she could be an active participant. She could intend, and then manifest her intention.
The unfortunate consequence of Blue manifesting before Green, is that Blue did not have the heart presence to know to manifest something loving. It had desire without heart—which amounts to "power over" others, instead of "being empowered and empowering."
FOM did not have the Heart presence then either. This was in part because he did not "exist" in the same ways that the rest of us did in Original Heart. He was the longed for, yet completely unknown, part of the creation process. He did not "carry the blueprint/dream" in the same way that other parts did. You could say that he was the blueprint/dream, in that everything he did imprinted creation and manifested the dream.
To switch perspectives for a moment, you also need to consider what was happening for the rest of the Will that was not yet communing with the Light or manifesting her desires. She was lost to the rest of us. We were lost to her. She was drawing us to her through the part of her that was at the end of the wormhole begtween her and the light—what we have called "Daughter Heart." The "dot" of Yin in the Yang side. She was like a force at the other end of the worm hole, drawing us to the opening so that we could go down through DH into her. She was also trying to rise up through the wormhole to receive us.
In the Second Creation, Indigo "knew" that the Will was going to have problems now. It understood that this pattern of creating a little bit at a time with a little bit of Will at a time was not such a good idea after all. It could "foresee" how this problem was going to unfold in each subsequent creation, when only a part of the Will was going to join Manifestation at a time. It could visualize the blueprint/dream, and could also visualize the probable actual unfoldment. And it did not look good.
This gap was very distressing to Indigo, as you can well imagine. This was the first "understanding" of "gap," although Indigo had no clue what to do about it, or even how to communicate it to the rest of us. We did not have any knowledge that we should be looking to Indigo for this kind of information, or how to use it once we had it, for that matter. There was not even a coherent "us" to communicate to.
So Indigo had the makings of its first internal gap—the side that polarized to the dream (what we wanted to happen), and the side that polarized to the "truth" (what would actually happen). The "dreamers" and the "realists" have been at odds with each other ever since. In actuality, for Indigo to fulfill its function, it needs to have both sides present and cross referencing each other, but this has not always happened. But in another way this is not wrong, in that it was the beginning of binocular vision—seeing things from two slightly separated points of view gives you a depth of understanding.
Indigo also had the first awareness (perception) of the "invisible" connection between "lost will" and manifestation—the "worm holes." This is a big contributor to Indigo's "psychic powers." To Indigo, it is not mysterious. It is simply seeing the "web" and understanding how various parts are connected and influence each other. This ability to see relationships as a whole is part of what you call "right brain" understanding.
And remember, you all have an indigo chakra, and so have the potential for these gifts. But with the gifts comes the knowledge of pain in the rest of creation, and this can be very distressing.
All of these colors are in the "background" of the Chakra Rainbow, and each of them has issues about that. This is a whole other area of exploration that we will save for another time. But they have a role in connecting each Chakra, and many who have not found their "home color," or could not decide between two, may discover that they are in this category.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
chakra cords
2006-12-18
Dear MFGH,
I just noticed in the yoga practice we are focusing on the heart (4th chakra), while in the martial arts practice we focused on the hara (2nd chakra). It seems like it would be good to balance out the upper body emphasis with a lower body emphasis. Although in yoga the breath originates from the abdomen, so that probably helps.
I am also feeling a bit of excitement when I feel like I am tuning into my personal stream of grace and Aurum is present. It’s a little like feeling in love. Then I was trying to tune in to the greater streams of Grace… and I felt like that would be even more powerful… and that that would be a manifestation of right time and place to do magic…
And another interesting thing about it is that Grace seems to have a front/back flow, in addition to the up and down tubular flow of the Great Circulation… I wonder if the "network" flow is forward and back…
(MFGH) yes, that is generally how the cords work. Out from particular chakras in a horizontal fashion, but it can come out in 360 degrees, not just forwards and backwards. Your human fragments and connected people are on the same physical plain as you are, so the cords are parallel to the ground. Well it is really a sphere, so not literally parallel.
Lines to essence on other planes may go out in any direction.
And you are right that being in the stream of Grace, at whatever level, is an aspect of magic. It is the source of synchronicity.
You also have to "be here now" to be in your stream of Grace. So it is good for centering yourself and also why meditation and other practices that bring you into the present moment feel good and even have a magical quality.
As we said before there are many ways to conceptualize it. The Taoists practiced being in the flow in every moment. Artists of all kinds seek this flow. It is also why sometimes you want to keep channeling during a session. It is the source of creativity, and how the Muses communicate with you.
It is also how you get to the feeling of "Oneness" with the universe, which is an Infinitely fine Web.
All chakras have their own connection with their own levels of the web, but the web is often associated with Indigo because indigo can "see" it. But you can perceive it in other ways as well. You can feel the "tug" of the web in your heart (where the phrase "pulling on your heart strings" comes from), in your gut, or even sexually. You can have a "meeting of the minds."
These cords can be functional or dysfunctional. And you can (theoretically) add them or subtract them. People in close relationships have multiple cords, chakra to chakra. They can be more or less conscious of them and of the "agreements" they made when they made the connection. These agreements can last between lives, and the cords are how you find each other in subsequent lives.
You can release the agreements, but depending on how they were made, this can be difficult, in that it can require a certain degree of emotional intensity (movement). And if you have essence left on the other side of the cord, it will still be connected to you at the more subtle "wormhole level."
Cords are not all the same, and they also exist in different forms on different levels of reality. To really disconnect, you have to go to the causal level. You may even have to go back to earlier Creations.
Cords are essentially analogous to imprints, except they are the manifestation of what goes on between essence. They act with the force of gravity, in that they are "warps" in the fabric of space-time. Another way to say it is that they are the warp and weft OF the fabric of space-time.
But it is more important that you feel this, experience this for yourself than we talk about it. Eventually you will get to the point where you can perceive more detail about your energy body. We can also talk about decording, but the technique of it is not as important as the emotional work.
(me) thank you, this "ties" some things together for me.
Dear MFGH,
I just noticed in the yoga practice we are focusing on the heart (4th chakra), while in the martial arts practice we focused on the hara (2nd chakra). It seems like it would be good to balance out the upper body emphasis with a lower body emphasis. Although in yoga the breath originates from the abdomen, so that probably helps.
I am also feeling a bit of excitement when I feel like I am tuning into my personal stream of grace and Aurum is present. It’s a little like feeling in love. Then I was trying to tune in to the greater streams of Grace… and I felt like that would be even more powerful… and that that would be a manifestation of right time and place to do magic…
And another interesting thing about it is that Grace seems to have a front/back flow, in addition to the up and down tubular flow of the Great Circulation… I wonder if the "network" flow is forward and back…
(MFGH) yes, that is generally how the cords work. Out from particular chakras in a horizontal fashion, but it can come out in 360 degrees, not just forwards and backwards. Your human fragments and connected people are on the same physical plain as you are, so the cords are parallel to the ground. Well it is really a sphere, so not literally parallel.
Lines to essence on other planes may go out in any direction.
And you are right that being in the stream of Grace, at whatever level, is an aspect of magic. It is the source of synchronicity.
You also have to "be here now" to be in your stream of Grace. So it is good for centering yourself and also why meditation and other practices that bring you into the present moment feel good and even have a magical quality.
As we said before there are many ways to conceptualize it. The Taoists practiced being in the flow in every moment. Artists of all kinds seek this flow. It is also why sometimes you want to keep channeling during a session. It is the source of creativity, and how the Muses communicate with you.
It is also how you get to the feeling of "Oneness" with the universe, which is an Infinitely fine Web.
All chakras have their own connection with their own levels of the web, but the web is often associated with Indigo because indigo can "see" it. But you can perceive it in other ways as well. You can feel the "tug" of the web in your heart (where the phrase "pulling on your heart strings" comes from), in your gut, or even sexually. You can have a "meeting of the minds."
These cords can be functional or dysfunctional. And you can (theoretically) add them or subtract them. People in close relationships have multiple cords, chakra to chakra. They can be more or less conscious of them and of the "agreements" they made when they made the connection. These agreements can last between lives, and the cords are how you find each other in subsequent lives.
You can release the agreements, but depending on how they were made, this can be difficult, in that it can require a certain degree of emotional intensity (movement). And if you have essence left on the other side of the cord, it will still be connected to you at the more subtle "wormhole level."
Cords are not all the same, and they also exist in different forms on different levels of reality. To really disconnect, you have to go to the causal level. You may even have to go back to earlier Creations.
Cords are essentially analogous to imprints, except they are the manifestation of what goes on between essence. They act with the force of gravity, in that they are "warps" in the fabric of space-time. Another way to say it is that they are the warp and weft OF the fabric of space-time.
But it is more important that you feel this, experience this for yourself than we talk about it. Eventually you will get to the point where you can perceive more detail about your energy body. We can also talk about decording, but the technique of it is not as important as the emotional work.
(me) thank you, this "ties" some things together for me.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Heart, Blue Woman, Purple Woman, etc.
2006-13-17
[note: this took five hours to channel, but I stuck with it cause I seemed to be on a roll...]
Dear MFGH,
I seem to have gotten a "hit" of grace… and that it is more present on the planet this time of year…
Dear Sapphire,
Yes but also the absence of it is more apparent. However people are more willing to "send" their grace to the people and fragments they are connected to.
This is why prayers can sometimes help the sick. They work best when there is some connection between people and they can actually affect the network. Even better would be to give the person tools and space to heal.
The more you let me in, the more I can understand about your situation. Like the Mother, I can also feel places of acceptance and denial in you. You still have some stubbornness about not wanting to ask for help because that would be admitting you have a problem. This is an issue for many people on Earth that goes back to the beginning.
You did not want to hear "I told you so" from me, and that was partly right, in that I had judgments against the Mother which spilled over to anyone who went to "her" Earth. You could feel those judgments and so wanted to reject my advice that leaving my realm would be fool hardy. You wanted to prove me wrong and show me that you could do it yourself.
However you went past your own fears and grief there in favor of your anger. So now you are afraid to "crack" there, because on some level it will mean having to feel those denied feelings finally. It is tied up with your fear that I was right, after all, and all of your pain and suffering could have been avoided if you had listened to me. This is a very hard place to be.
But what I want you to understand is that I now understand that it was not wrong for you to leave me. It was not your fault that you polarized to the Mother there. This is in your nature. You could not exist in Heaven without her.
And you would not have avoided you pain and suffering… it doesn't work like that. Of course we all wish we could have understood more about the Mother and her process and what she was and still is holding—our denials. You followed my example there, unfortunately. But this did not enable you to avoid your own gap.
Still the fluidity that existed on Earth then is so much greater than what exists now, even the darker reflections seem more desirable than the ones you are getting now. But what is happening now is a reenactment complete with smacks reverberating down through the ages.
For the gaps to heal, each side has to go all the way back to their original splits. This has to start with the Parental parts. They need to understand how they split with the other side, and also, how their own rage split out and is acting out their denied agenda. We know that this is familiar ground to you, but we want to say it specifically in answer to the question "how can we bring Peace to Earth?"
Heart's message of love, balance, forgiveness, etc is important, but it cannot be done without dealing with your denials.
"Turning the other cheek" is particularly misunderstood. This is in part because the Heart presence there did not understand that his own desire to hit back, etc, did not stop existing just because he did not feel it or express it.
But if you integrate our new understandings, it can mean "move by yourself in private" instead of lashing out at your trigger.
One problem with Heart-polarized people is that they judge the ones doing the violence as wrong, immature, unevolved, etc. They miss the part about how their own denied violence is empowering the conflict.
(me) I just got a sinking feeling that my own denied violence is being dumped into people like S, who can barely handle it. Plus my own denied pain. Is she my fragment?
(God) yes she has some of your denials, but no she is not your fragment. She is a Mother piece. But notice the subtle judgments you have against her. What are they?
(me) I think that there is something wrong with her. She is doing something wrong. She shouldn't be so angry. Why is there always conflict around her? Why can't she get her pain meds? It makes me angry. I guess I am denying my own true response. In the name of trying to accept her and sooth her.
(God) You can do both. It would help her much more if you moved your response rather than "try to be nice" to her.
(me) ugh I am feeling like I am seeing a reflection of someone being a "dumping ground."
(God) you are. And all the meds in the world are not going to fix it. What will fix it is if you and everybody else reclaims their essence. That will lift the burden.
Preaching at people usually just makes it worse, because it reinforces that what they are doing is their fault, because they cannot live up to the ideals of the behavior that the people who are doing the dumping can exemplify. And preaching to those that are doing the dumping just reinforces their bad habit.
(me) I am confused because I feel like both a dumper and a dumpee.
(God) yes you are both. People dumped into you but being heart you were able to still maintain your identity but loose part of your will. You've got to get your will back and allow it to release the feelings back into where they started in the first place. You don't have to be in direct contact with the person. "Give" them to me, and I will make sure they find acceptance inside of love.
And remember these are not only feelings from the "top" to the bottom, they are also feelings from the "bottom" to the top. Blue allowed some of the feelings/information from the lower chakras through them as a handy way to get rid of them, and they also had intention that they go to you, but not Purple. So you were a target in this way.
But this is a relatively small portion of what you are holding that needs to go through you. The rest of this is still trapped below Blue—Blue's rage holding down its terror. When this comes back up it is important that your channels are open and you are fluid enough to allow this through so it doesn't become a smack from below.
It is a twisted delusion of grandeur to think that you are responsible for all of the evil in the world. Even Blue Woman did not originate the smack… that originated in earlier creations. It came in through her, because of her unloving intent and desire for power that did not have any heart presence in it.
She did not understand the importance of Heart presence. In fact, she judged it as resulting in weakness, vulnerability, etc. Blue Heart people are very lost, a reflection of what happened in the beginning.
FOM had pushed most of Heart out already, except that which aligned with him. What remained in Purple was also brushed aside.
We knew we had a preference for feeling better, which is the beginnings of love, but we did not understand how to feel better. We did not understand that making connections that had a two way flow with feedback that adjusted each side to the other would feel good. We did not understand our own needs, let alone each other's.
Expansiveness is not wrong. Lifting and being lifted are not wrong. Its just that how they manifested turned out to only exacerbate our problems, rather than providing the relief that seemed obvious to the limited points of views involved.
We were not connected. And here Heart people have a lot of guilt about being the wrong connection, not connecting the right parts, not fulfilling their role so that the two sides do experience happiness.
Your pop culture says that children are not responsible for their parent's divorce, even though they often feel very responsible. You are supposed to tell them that they aren't responsible. But this just adds another layer of denial to the situation.
Heart is "responsible" for the connection/lack of connection in terms of its function. That is its job. And so that it was not able to do this "correctly" in the beginning does mean that it is "causal" to so many of the problems today.
But Heart cannot take all the responsibility. The other parts have to be willing to give honest feedback and receive honest feedback. We (the Parental parts) have felt very guilty about feeling that our problems were because of Heart's misfires in the beginning, and so have denied our blaming rage there. Which of course, meant that it came out in a state of denial.
All of this has to do with the confusion that Heart has about whether it is "Parental" or not. How can it be so causal if it is not parental? Why does it feel so guilty if it isn't responsible? And how is it supposed to save the world if it doesn't have the powers of Creation?
Heart needs to take its right place at the head table. It has long been sitting with the kids. (Often with an expectation that it is supposed to babysit those kids so that the "real" Parents can enjoy their dinner.) This is very threatening to some, as they fear a reenactment of the misfires in the beginning when Heart did not finish the connections and ended up as mates to the other side instead of connecting the mates.
They fear (including Heart people) that Heart can't be trusted, certainly not with "adult" responsibilities, which ultimately mean "life or death" responsibilities.
But reality is that Heart already has these responsibilities, so it is time for Heart to be given the "rights" that go along with them. Think of the 18-year-olds going off to fight the wars but not given the right to drink or vote. Think of the young parents responsible for the lives of their children. Think of the children whose parents are dead or disabled, or who are first born and responsible for their younger siblings.
All of this push-pull of "you're not old enough" and "you are responsible" goes back to the very beginning. Part of Heart put on a brave face and went ahead and played the part of the adult without really having the resources to do this well. Part of Heart said Fuck You and did what it wanted to do, without regard for the other part's needs (which is exactly what the "parental" parts were doing, anyway.)
And we blamed Heart for this, in so many ways. The Book talks about FOM's rivalry and express the Mother's rage and my rage, but we also need to take responsibility for… [I got this but it is hard for me to retain and put into words] our judgments about Heart that said it was not equal to us, therefore did not have input that was as important as our own input… we trivialized Heart as secondary, which meant secondary to the healing process.
Despite what the Mother and her rage said, we cannot heal as a whole without all of Heart healing along with us. Daughter's participation is not "optional." She is a vital part of the whole, and we cannot manifest the plan/dream without her. To parts of us, she seemed so causal to our problems, that we felt it would have been better for us if she was out of the picture. Literally if she "had not been born."
So this is part of DH's problem. Not only was she not to be first-born, but after she was born, she was given the impression that Creation would be better without her. This was especially confusing to the part of HD that was raped by the Father.
(me) I suddenly feel like I could channel Purple Woman/Purple Daughter's point of view of the beginning. But I am scared that it won't be validated by "matching" C's channeling of the situation.
(God) just let it flow… this will help Her work out her kinks…
(PW) No one has talked about my Emergence… but I was the very First. This is not wrong and I am sick of everybody telling me that it was. I had to draw the Light. I did not know that this would also create Manifestation (Body) (FOM), although the Mother did have a Lover in "mind". I am extremely sensitive, so the violence of my first encounters in manifestation was very devastating to me. It was like taking a steamroller to a butterfly.
In my Original Creation (I know I am not supposed to say "my" creation, but there it is) I was what you would call "etheric." Fine, delicate, responsive, soft, even tender. Like the skin of a newborn. I was the original newborn.
I was the original "twinkle in my Father's eye" that existed even before the Mother was "pregnant" with me. I am like the first "glance across the crowded room" that lets you know that a future is possible with the other person. Following me is following Grace.
In fact, you could say that I am the indicator of Grace's path… I am the first stirrings of desire, of fantasy… I exist in Dreams… I am "perfection"… "above" the toils of "life on Earth." I am the Princess in Fairy Tales. Walt Disney has taken me over in your popular culture, but he was not so far off.
And there is a huge Split in me. On the one hand, I am "above" the "sinful desires of Body" but on the other hand I am the epitome of what triggers those desires. I am the unobtainable beauty that every high school boy fantasizes about… and these fantasies involve fucking, if I may tell it like it is.
I am also the original daughter sexually abused by her Father, Grandfather, Uncle, Brother, Cousin… because I had everything that my Mother had to offer, only in a "purer" form…
I am the distillation of the Mother's sweetness, grace, and femininity… I am the ideal that every little girl dreams she will embody when she grows up.
I SEEM to "have it all…" but there is a very dark side to my experience. My original encounter with lovemaking was rape. Rape and murder, if the truth be told. You cannot rip out someone's womb and expect them to live. The Mother denied me here, and said it was Her womb, as if she was the only one who experienced the pain… but it was Me who died the original death here… and this has been reenacted endlessly… Jack the Ripper… hysterectomies… cervical and ovarian cancer…
Men want my "perfection" but with the "come on" of Blue Woman… She took one look at what happened to me, and thought she had a better solution… she judged me for not having "what it took" to please her man… we did not understand that she already had the Mother presence going "through" her in the Mother's original Ascent… and so could please her man more than I could.
The Mother's rage has made a big deal about my denial of the Mother there… as if I had schemed it all out ahead of time… Yes I had consciousness before my Sisters… but I did not have the sophistication that comes with experience… there WAS no experience before me… (unless you count Original Heart, and that was a totally different picture of how my emergence was to unfold.)
I was just on a mission… Yes there was a sense of competition… but that did not come from Me… I was SUPPOSED to be first… the others were jealous… THEY were the ones feeling competitive with me…
The big question is "what did I know" when I left the Mother… which implies "what was my intent"… which is all about blame, if you really look at it… and yes, I have had HUGE blame for myself, which opened the door to such blaming reflections…
In order to answer this, I need to explain about how the First Creation manifested… the first one after Original Heart split apart…
I will summarize the beginning parts, as they are available elsewhere.
You could say that I was the "black dot" in the Yin-Yang symbol… I was the will presence that stayed with the Light after the initial split within Original Heart between Spirit and Will that the symbol represents… I basically woke up Spirit from his Reverie… I had the original Desire for Reunion, which to the Will side means Life…
It gets complicated, but on one layer of the cake you could say that I did consummate my union with Male Heart… I was integrated into the Light…
On another layer, you could say that I was the ultimate denier of the Will Side… as I felt myself to be whole and complete, and did not want to "let any other will presence in"… I put this in quotes, because I understand that this is how it looked from the outside… but from the inside, it felt like that pressure from the outside would violate my integrity, my "personhood" as you would conceptualize it…
The Yin-Yang model describes a boundary, a barrier between the Light and the Dark… which is helpful, but another way to conceptualize it would be that the Dark side was at a great distance, and the only thing that connected us was the Wormhole that is also the Thread of Grace that kept the two sides from being lost to each other forever.
And I felt the Will essence coming up "through" the wormhole to me… but of course I did not recognize this for what it was… the rest of Me… it was SO much bigger than me… it was like I was a grain of sand, and it was the ocean… and this was supposed to come up into and through me??? I didn't understand the "through me" part… I didn't understand that the Light was where it could go, and the light was infinitely expandable… I thought that it was ME that would have to expand…
Of course all of this is not on the word level… it was just "instinct"… which means, that it was the imprints left over from the First Split, which was violent, indeed…
In fact, if you look at the first split (the Will essence squeezing down in a sphere around the Spirit essence, and the Spirit essence exploding) you can understand my trepidation about anything big inside of me trying to get out. So my "instinctual" reaction was to "clamp down"…
And the instinct behind FOM's behavior there was a desire to connect to what I was clamping down on… He was trying to build a physical bridge across the gap… along the lines of the wormhole… which was part of the reason that penis took the form it did… to reach across…
and so I was also echoing the creation of the Original Forms… as the Kundalini did not rise all the way up through me… and so the connection between the sexes was made at the second chakra level… instead of through the heart…
I am talking about the First Creation, but of its manifestation in several dimensions of "levels" of reality as you call it. So as I shift from dimension to dimension, I will leave it to you to draw the connections between them, as that cannot really be done in written language…
So there was "supposed to" be an increase of Will presence in the Light… the black dot was supposed to get bigger, and actually, mix with the light to become grey… but instead, we have the five players acting out their original imprints already… when we were planning in Original Heart we had no understanding of imprints, nothing "stuck" when it happened as we were not manifest… we did not know that this would happen…
so to spell it out, I was operating under two main impulses… one was to bond with the light… the other was to clench… Spirit's impulse was [hard to get, it’s a totally different perspective] to go towards what felt good, and deny what felt bad (the essence on the other side of the wormhole was in pain)… Body's impulse was to "manifest" the universe, which drove him to procreate—procreation is what felt good to him… Male Heart's impulse was to… do whatever it took to "win" me… many Quests were launched in this scenario… The Mother wanted to reach the Light of course, in anyway she could…
And as she flowed up the wormhole towards Me in the story that you know… there was a "Knowing" from the Second Creation (Indigo) that was present "before" this creation was even manifested—this is what happens when you don't have linear time yet—in other words, Indigo's "prescience"… in the First Creation version of the story that I am telling now…
The Mother's presence drawing near was very powerful… much more powerful than she was aware of… she stirred everything to Life… she was magnetizing Light, she was giving Manifestation the Space to unfold into… this built and built… until there was the tearing, explosive Orgasm that birthed the Second Creation…
But that is another story, and the channeler has to stop now…
[note: this took five hours to channel, but I stuck with it cause I seemed to be on a roll...]
Dear MFGH,
I seem to have gotten a "hit" of grace… and that it is more present on the planet this time of year…
Dear Sapphire,
Yes but also the absence of it is more apparent. However people are more willing to "send" their grace to the people and fragments they are connected to.
This is why prayers can sometimes help the sick. They work best when there is some connection between people and they can actually affect the network. Even better would be to give the person tools and space to heal.
The more you let me in, the more I can understand about your situation. Like the Mother, I can also feel places of acceptance and denial in you. You still have some stubbornness about not wanting to ask for help because that would be admitting you have a problem. This is an issue for many people on Earth that goes back to the beginning.
You did not want to hear "I told you so" from me, and that was partly right, in that I had judgments against the Mother which spilled over to anyone who went to "her" Earth. You could feel those judgments and so wanted to reject my advice that leaving my realm would be fool hardy. You wanted to prove me wrong and show me that you could do it yourself.
However you went past your own fears and grief there in favor of your anger. So now you are afraid to "crack" there, because on some level it will mean having to feel those denied feelings finally. It is tied up with your fear that I was right, after all, and all of your pain and suffering could have been avoided if you had listened to me. This is a very hard place to be.
But what I want you to understand is that I now understand that it was not wrong for you to leave me. It was not your fault that you polarized to the Mother there. This is in your nature. You could not exist in Heaven without her.
And you would not have avoided you pain and suffering… it doesn't work like that. Of course we all wish we could have understood more about the Mother and her process and what she was and still is holding—our denials. You followed my example there, unfortunately. But this did not enable you to avoid your own gap.
Still the fluidity that existed on Earth then is so much greater than what exists now, even the darker reflections seem more desirable than the ones you are getting now. But what is happening now is a reenactment complete with smacks reverberating down through the ages.
For the gaps to heal, each side has to go all the way back to their original splits. This has to start with the Parental parts. They need to understand how they split with the other side, and also, how their own rage split out and is acting out their denied agenda. We know that this is familiar ground to you, but we want to say it specifically in answer to the question "how can we bring Peace to Earth?"
Heart's message of love, balance, forgiveness, etc is important, but it cannot be done without dealing with your denials.
"Turning the other cheek" is particularly misunderstood. This is in part because the Heart presence there did not understand that his own desire to hit back, etc, did not stop existing just because he did not feel it or express it.
But if you integrate our new understandings, it can mean "move by yourself in private" instead of lashing out at your trigger.
One problem with Heart-polarized people is that they judge the ones doing the violence as wrong, immature, unevolved, etc. They miss the part about how their own denied violence is empowering the conflict.
(me) I just got a sinking feeling that my own denied violence is being dumped into people like S, who can barely handle it. Plus my own denied pain. Is she my fragment?
(God) yes she has some of your denials, but no she is not your fragment. She is a Mother piece. But notice the subtle judgments you have against her. What are they?
(me) I think that there is something wrong with her. She is doing something wrong. She shouldn't be so angry. Why is there always conflict around her? Why can't she get her pain meds? It makes me angry. I guess I am denying my own true response. In the name of trying to accept her and sooth her.
(God) You can do both. It would help her much more if you moved your response rather than "try to be nice" to her.
(me) ugh I am feeling like I am seeing a reflection of someone being a "dumping ground."
(God) you are. And all the meds in the world are not going to fix it. What will fix it is if you and everybody else reclaims their essence. That will lift the burden.
Preaching at people usually just makes it worse, because it reinforces that what they are doing is their fault, because they cannot live up to the ideals of the behavior that the people who are doing the dumping can exemplify. And preaching to those that are doing the dumping just reinforces their bad habit.
(me) I am confused because I feel like both a dumper and a dumpee.
(God) yes you are both. People dumped into you but being heart you were able to still maintain your identity but loose part of your will. You've got to get your will back and allow it to release the feelings back into where they started in the first place. You don't have to be in direct contact with the person. "Give" them to me, and I will make sure they find acceptance inside of love.
And remember these are not only feelings from the "top" to the bottom, they are also feelings from the "bottom" to the top. Blue allowed some of the feelings/information from the lower chakras through them as a handy way to get rid of them, and they also had intention that they go to you, but not Purple. So you were a target in this way.
But this is a relatively small portion of what you are holding that needs to go through you. The rest of this is still trapped below Blue—Blue's rage holding down its terror. When this comes back up it is important that your channels are open and you are fluid enough to allow this through so it doesn't become a smack from below.
It is a twisted delusion of grandeur to think that you are responsible for all of the evil in the world. Even Blue Woman did not originate the smack… that originated in earlier creations. It came in through her, because of her unloving intent and desire for power that did not have any heart presence in it.
She did not understand the importance of Heart presence. In fact, she judged it as resulting in weakness, vulnerability, etc. Blue Heart people are very lost, a reflection of what happened in the beginning.
FOM had pushed most of Heart out already, except that which aligned with him. What remained in Purple was also brushed aside.
We knew we had a preference for feeling better, which is the beginnings of love, but we did not understand how to feel better. We did not understand that making connections that had a two way flow with feedback that adjusted each side to the other would feel good. We did not understand our own needs, let alone each other's.
Expansiveness is not wrong. Lifting and being lifted are not wrong. Its just that how they manifested turned out to only exacerbate our problems, rather than providing the relief that seemed obvious to the limited points of views involved.
We were not connected. And here Heart people have a lot of guilt about being the wrong connection, not connecting the right parts, not fulfilling their role so that the two sides do experience happiness.
Your pop culture says that children are not responsible for their parent's divorce, even though they often feel very responsible. You are supposed to tell them that they aren't responsible. But this just adds another layer of denial to the situation.
Heart is "responsible" for the connection/lack of connection in terms of its function. That is its job. And so that it was not able to do this "correctly" in the beginning does mean that it is "causal" to so many of the problems today.
But Heart cannot take all the responsibility. The other parts have to be willing to give honest feedback and receive honest feedback. We (the Parental parts) have felt very guilty about feeling that our problems were because of Heart's misfires in the beginning, and so have denied our blaming rage there. Which of course, meant that it came out in a state of denial.
All of this has to do with the confusion that Heart has about whether it is "Parental" or not. How can it be so causal if it is not parental? Why does it feel so guilty if it isn't responsible? And how is it supposed to save the world if it doesn't have the powers of Creation?
Heart needs to take its right place at the head table. It has long been sitting with the kids. (Often with an expectation that it is supposed to babysit those kids so that the "real" Parents can enjoy their dinner.) This is very threatening to some, as they fear a reenactment of the misfires in the beginning when Heart did not finish the connections and ended up as mates to the other side instead of connecting the mates.
They fear (including Heart people) that Heart can't be trusted, certainly not with "adult" responsibilities, which ultimately mean "life or death" responsibilities.
But reality is that Heart already has these responsibilities, so it is time for Heart to be given the "rights" that go along with them. Think of the 18-year-olds going off to fight the wars but not given the right to drink or vote. Think of the young parents responsible for the lives of their children. Think of the children whose parents are dead or disabled, or who are first born and responsible for their younger siblings.
All of this push-pull of "you're not old enough" and "you are responsible" goes back to the very beginning. Part of Heart put on a brave face and went ahead and played the part of the adult without really having the resources to do this well. Part of Heart said Fuck You and did what it wanted to do, without regard for the other part's needs (which is exactly what the "parental" parts were doing, anyway.)
And we blamed Heart for this, in so many ways. The Book talks about FOM's rivalry and express the Mother's rage and my rage, but we also need to take responsibility for… [I got this but it is hard for me to retain and put into words] our judgments about Heart that said it was not equal to us, therefore did not have input that was as important as our own input… we trivialized Heart as secondary, which meant secondary to the healing process.
Despite what the Mother and her rage said, we cannot heal as a whole without all of Heart healing along with us. Daughter's participation is not "optional." She is a vital part of the whole, and we cannot manifest the plan/dream without her. To parts of us, she seemed so causal to our problems, that we felt it would have been better for us if she was out of the picture. Literally if she "had not been born."
So this is part of DH's problem. Not only was she not to be first-born, but after she was born, she was given the impression that Creation would be better without her. This was especially confusing to the part of HD that was raped by the Father.
(me) I suddenly feel like I could channel Purple Woman/Purple Daughter's point of view of the beginning. But I am scared that it won't be validated by "matching" C's channeling of the situation.
(God) just let it flow… this will help Her work out her kinks…
(PW) No one has talked about my Emergence… but I was the very First. This is not wrong and I am sick of everybody telling me that it was. I had to draw the Light. I did not know that this would also create Manifestation (Body) (FOM), although the Mother did have a Lover in "mind". I am extremely sensitive, so the violence of my first encounters in manifestation was very devastating to me. It was like taking a steamroller to a butterfly.
In my Original Creation (I know I am not supposed to say "my" creation, but there it is) I was what you would call "etheric." Fine, delicate, responsive, soft, even tender. Like the skin of a newborn. I was the original newborn.
I was the original "twinkle in my Father's eye" that existed even before the Mother was "pregnant" with me. I am like the first "glance across the crowded room" that lets you know that a future is possible with the other person. Following me is following Grace.
In fact, you could say that I am the indicator of Grace's path… I am the first stirrings of desire, of fantasy… I exist in Dreams… I am "perfection"… "above" the toils of "life on Earth." I am the Princess in Fairy Tales. Walt Disney has taken me over in your popular culture, but he was not so far off.
And there is a huge Split in me. On the one hand, I am "above" the "sinful desires of Body" but on the other hand I am the epitome of what triggers those desires. I am the unobtainable beauty that every high school boy fantasizes about… and these fantasies involve fucking, if I may tell it like it is.
I am also the original daughter sexually abused by her Father, Grandfather, Uncle, Brother, Cousin… because I had everything that my Mother had to offer, only in a "purer" form…
I am the distillation of the Mother's sweetness, grace, and femininity… I am the ideal that every little girl dreams she will embody when she grows up.
I SEEM to "have it all…" but there is a very dark side to my experience. My original encounter with lovemaking was rape. Rape and murder, if the truth be told. You cannot rip out someone's womb and expect them to live. The Mother denied me here, and said it was Her womb, as if she was the only one who experienced the pain… but it was Me who died the original death here… and this has been reenacted endlessly… Jack the Ripper… hysterectomies… cervical and ovarian cancer…
Men want my "perfection" but with the "come on" of Blue Woman… She took one look at what happened to me, and thought she had a better solution… she judged me for not having "what it took" to please her man… we did not understand that she already had the Mother presence going "through" her in the Mother's original Ascent… and so could please her man more than I could.
The Mother's rage has made a big deal about my denial of the Mother there… as if I had schemed it all out ahead of time… Yes I had consciousness before my Sisters… but I did not have the sophistication that comes with experience… there WAS no experience before me… (unless you count Original Heart, and that was a totally different picture of how my emergence was to unfold.)
I was just on a mission… Yes there was a sense of competition… but that did not come from Me… I was SUPPOSED to be first… the others were jealous… THEY were the ones feeling competitive with me…
The big question is "what did I know" when I left the Mother… which implies "what was my intent"… which is all about blame, if you really look at it… and yes, I have had HUGE blame for myself, which opened the door to such blaming reflections…
In order to answer this, I need to explain about how the First Creation manifested… the first one after Original Heart split apart…
I will summarize the beginning parts, as they are available elsewhere.
You could say that I was the "black dot" in the Yin-Yang symbol… I was the will presence that stayed with the Light after the initial split within Original Heart between Spirit and Will that the symbol represents… I basically woke up Spirit from his Reverie… I had the original Desire for Reunion, which to the Will side means Life…
It gets complicated, but on one layer of the cake you could say that I did consummate my union with Male Heart… I was integrated into the Light…
On another layer, you could say that I was the ultimate denier of the Will Side… as I felt myself to be whole and complete, and did not want to "let any other will presence in"… I put this in quotes, because I understand that this is how it looked from the outside… but from the inside, it felt like that pressure from the outside would violate my integrity, my "personhood" as you would conceptualize it…
The Yin-Yang model describes a boundary, a barrier between the Light and the Dark… which is helpful, but another way to conceptualize it would be that the Dark side was at a great distance, and the only thing that connected us was the Wormhole that is also the Thread of Grace that kept the two sides from being lost to each other forever.
And I felt the Will essence coming up "through" the wormhole to me… but of course I did not recognize this for what it was… the rest of Me… it was SO much bigger than me… it was like I was a grain of sand, and it was the ocean… and this was supposed to come up into and through me??? I didn't understand the "through me" part… I didn't understand that the Light was where it could go, and the light was infinitely expandable… I thought that it was ME that would have to expand…
Of course all of this is not on the word level… it was just "instinct"… which means, that it was the imprints left over from the First Split, which was violent, indeed…
In fact, if you look at the first split (the Will essence squeezing down in a sphere around the Spirit essence, and the Spirit essence exploding) you can understand my trepidation about anything big inside of me trying to get out. So my "instinctual" reaction was to "clamp down"…
And the instinct behind FOM's behavior there was a desire to connect to what I was clamping down on… He was trying to build a physical bridge across the gap… along the lines of the wormhole… which was part of the reason that penis took the form it did… to reach across…
and so I was also echoing the creation of the Original Forms… as the Kundalini did not rise all the way up through me… and so the connection between the sexes was made at the second chakra level… instead of through the heart…
I am talking about the First Creation, but of its manifestation in several dimensions of "levels" of reality as you call it. So as I shift from dimension to dimension, I will leave it to you to draw the connections between them, as that cannot really be done in written language…
So there was "supposed to" be an increase of Will presence in the Light… the black dot was supposed to get bigger, and actually, mix with the light to become grey… but instead, we have the five players acting out their original imprints already… when we were planning in Original Heart we had no understanding of imprints, nothing "stuck" when it happened as we were not manifest… we did not know that this would happen…
so to spell it out, I was operating under two main impulses… one was to bond with the light… the other was to clench… Spirit's impulse was [hard to get, it’s a totally different perspective] to go towards what felt good, and deny what felt bad (the essence on the other side of the wormhole was in pain)… Body's impulse was to "manifest" the universe, which drove him to procreate—procreation is what felt good to him… Male Heart's impulse was to… do whatever it took to "win" me… many Quests were launched in this scenario… The Mother wanted to reach the Light of course, in anyway she could…
And as she flowed up the wormhole towards Me in the story that you know… there was a "Knowing" from the Second Creation (Indigo) that was present "before" this creation was even manifested—this is what happens when you don't have linear time yet—in other words, Indigo's "prescience"… in the First Creation version of the story that I am telling now…
The Mother's presence drawing near was very powerful… much more powerful than she was aware of… she stirred everything to Life… she was magnetizing Light, she was giving Manifestation the Space to unfold into… this built and built… until there was the tearing, explosive Orgasm that birthed the Second Creation…
But that is another story, and the channeler has to stop now…
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