Note: this is a continuation of the channeling from 2006-11-10
2006-11-11
(God) The "dot" in each side of the yin yang symbol that we talked about yesterday is another way of seeing the artifacts of the First Creation. Some will—from the Heart of the Mother, the Daughter of the Will—bonded with Spirit and manifest Purple. The rest of the Will was on the outside, wanting to get in… and also, the rest of the Will had its own "little" campfire going with the core of my Light (Grandfather). I am going to leave out the asuras for the moment to give you the (simplified) overview so you can get a sense how the various stories fit together.
This situation was the basis for the Second Creation (Indigo). In this creation we had the first awareness of Other, of our Duality, and of Perceiving that. It was also the first major split in my Light—and the first Witness of that.
There was also the recognition that I had Form in my creation now—and I saw it as a rival. So that was another split.
In fact, the Second creation is less like a world unto its own and more like multiple worlds with gaps between them. It was also the beginning of being able to differentiate Within… finding the inner worlds that corresponded to the outer. We did not have much sense of which was which at first… but eventually there was also Within and Without.
I did not understand the relationship of the inner and outer—how the outer was a reflection for me. It was like I "woke up" and suddenly saw myself within a reality. Before the reality was within me.
But Indigo is a connecting point, or should I say tube, between the inner and the outer, as it allows one to "see" behind the surfaces of the outer reality so to speak. It is the wormhole that connects the First and Second attentions.
In the subsequent creations, Indigo developed direct relationship with each of the Chakras. In that way it is like Heart, but it does not do the balancing, just the reflecting. It does have to balance within itself to do this.
It is also related to the subconscious, especially dreams. It collects up the "data" from the rest of the chakras and projects them into our inner landscape each night.
In this way, it could be said that Indigo is more easily seen in the dark. In the light of day it disappears. This is why it can be helpful to shut your eyes when you are meditating. It blocks out the distractions of the First Attention.
Ideally you would be seeing the world in Super Stereo Vision, with both Attentions informing you, and your brain and body interpreting the data and giving you a multi-dimensional inner model of reality.
In a Whole Person, the whole being responds to what Indigo sees, and also, completes the loop by giving Indigo information from each Chakra's perspective.
Looking at the "substance" of Indigo is like looking at the gross anatomy of the brain… it doesn't tell you anything about the function. It is the electro-chemical activity within that creates the world that we perceive.
The space between the synapses is another reflection of Indigo's form. Without this space, the billions of ways to connect each nerve cell to its neighbors would not be possible. It allows the chemical messengers in this space to move towards single or multiple receptor centers. It allows for the polarization of positive and negative charges within each nerve cell to draw the electrical impulses along the neural pathways at lightening speed.
Indigo has a synthetic function that is easily overlooked because you take it for granted. Because you "see the world" from that chakra, asking you to look at the chakra is like asking you to look back at yourselves, or a fish to see water. But Indigo is the location for the default assemblage point of your minds.
(me) wow, thank you.
(God) Indigo is also the manifestation point for hallucinations and delusions. These are outpicturings that are perceived as reality in the First Attention. This implies that the impulses for the outpicturings are coming from somewhere else, and this is correct. The problems are in the inability to distinguish First and Second Attentions.
FOM had this problem when he felt like the world should be "his movie" in the story of Purple Woman. In one way he was right, as he was a creator-being, but he did not understand the role of manifestation to reflect the state of the creator-being as it is or was creating. And he certainly had no understanding of how to change his reflection. He was making the transition from the internalized dreamlike state in Purple to the establishment of the external, and he did not know how to distinguish them yet.
Western medicine intervenes at the level of electro-chemical activity in the brain to "correct" this confusion. It treats the mechanism that causes the "symptoms" but does not change the "cause" of the problem—why the chemistry is off in the first place—which as you are starting to get, has a deeper cause.
In terms of whether movement is healing it or not—you can get some healing by moving in response to what you perceive, as what your indigo is projecting is an artifact of input from other layers of reality—but this is not the same thing as moving the source of either the projection or the confusion problem. And if you are hallucinating or having a delusion, you have to first recognize yourself doing this, which is very difficult, giving you are experiencing your projection in the First Attention.
Taking meds to stop the "mistake" in the apprehension of reality can actually be helpful so that you can get your bearings, so to speak. But the cost of this (so far) is the "flattening of affect" kind of side effect, which makes it difficult to move when you do get in touch with what is under the problem.
(me) I am getting glimmers of other things… first off, of why healing is so hard it you have a problem in Indigo… and also why the idea of "wholeness" doesn't appeal to me as much as "balance"…
(God) The other issue in Indigo that I mentioned was the presence of a Witness—particularly a witness to this early "smack"—the aspect of reality that sees. This is complex, so I will talk about it from various angles.
When people say God is omniscient they are alluding to My Indigo aspect—the Spirit side of Indigo. Many conceptualize this as the song says: "he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good…" And based on what I see, you will get rewards or punishments. So Spirits began to try and hide parts of themselves from me, which essentially meant, hiding those parts from themselves.
But somehow, something always "knows" about what is hidden, be it in the form of lost will, the Gap, the unconscious, lost memory, or the Akashic Records. And Indigo is the connecting link that allows these to be perceived before, during, or after they are recovered. It is very important to allow the intuition to lead here—the Will side of Indigo—and not try to make logical sense out of it or impose language on it as that will shut it down. It can be like allowing information to "rise up" rather than "peering in."
I also wanted to hide parts of myself from myself. I lost memory, in the beginning. The splits in my light were already forming Luciferian and Ahrimanic energy. I did not understand that I was creating them out of my denials, let alone that they were a part of Me. I did not even know what they were doing.
But Something knew. This was to become one of my greatest allies in my own healing process ultimately, but in the beginning (and many times along the way) I did not want to be connected to it, because I did not want to know, because I had already judged myself as wrong, and this thing pressed on me and made me feel guilty. It has also been called a "conscience."
It is important to allow this pressure to trigger your movement so that you can move out guilt and receive the information from your own inner witness with compassion for yourself. You have to be willing to receive if you want to know the truth about yourself.
(Mother) From the Will side, my Indigo aspect started out as the ability to see my own inner glow. It was pleasing to me. I felt vast, but also, alone. You know that story very well, so I will not repeat it here. What I do want to bring forward is that the Smack damaged my upper chakras as well. I hesitate to say this, but Indigo has involvement here as it was part of what made the unloving light able to find me. It opened to the light, and was deeply penetrated by the light. This is part of the reason why it has had such a tortured existence. Indigo-will-fragments' own spirits were essentially denied light.
The Heart of Indigo there, the attracting and reaching link, the invisible tube to the other side, has guilt that it caused the damage, as it "knew" about what was brewing on the Male side, and did not communicate to the rest of us. It secretly wanted to get this light for itself. Well that is how it was perceived by my rage. I think it just wanted to open to the light.
This is not wrong, as on another dimension Indigo is the opening to Purple through which the light comes down. Indigo has a hungriness. This has been seen by some as a hungriness for power. But it was fed unlovingness, something indigestible, and then when Blue and Purple gapped, it lots its direct connections to each side which made the flow of light through Indigo slow down and even stop.
Some of Indigo aligned with the Ahrimanic side of God, the distant observer, as it seemed like the problems were in the lower chakras, and it would be best to withdraw from the fray to get an objective view. The will side was rather quickly overloaded, and fragmented easily. This fragmentation has contributed to Indigo's problem, and is usually the first thing that people deal with—just getting enough essence present to even start to function.
Indigo has a quality of fluidity, like water, as it seems to go "out" into space and get information. This is partly because of its affinity for worm holes, and partly because space is different in the Second Attention.
This quality is what enabled Lucifer to hone in on us when the Smack came down. Indigo believed that it was responsible for providing Lucifer with such easy access. A direct link. There were other factors in play, but this part of Indigo has felt that it should not be used, that anything received is the Devil's handiwork, and is actually part of the persecution of aspects of Indigo that functioned.
So yes, aspects of Indigo Daughter has betrayed its Indigo family because it felt that Purple could provide some protection and stop a reenactment from happening.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
the OC of bipolar disorder (including a rant)
Note: as I have bipolar disorder (manic depression), I am working on understanding the OC of this, and its realtionship to Indigo in many of my sessions.)
2006-11-10
(MFGH)
If all is going well, and Indigo is connected to Purple, then the process of outpicturing manifestation is informed by loving Spirit light. But when it is not, then what is manifest is in the Gap.
Ideally, the Mother's desire rises, and all along the way up, within each Chakra, loving Light meets it and the chakras project the form at their layer of existence.
Indigo, of course, is associated with Sight, so at that layer you can "see" the projections. At other layers you can sense them in other ways. Indigo can also help you see what is going on in each chakra.
The receptive centers are not only receiving what is coming "at" them, from the outside in, but also the energies going "up" and "down" the chakra line. And they have to vibrate to do this and to "process" the "information." Each one has its own set of triggers and filters and also each one has its own will presence to magnetize either the reflections it needs to heal, or the light it needs to manifests its desires.
We have been looking (in the books) at whole orders of Rainbow Spirits, but it is also important to at the Heart presence in each of the chakras, on the micro and macro scales.
Being bi polar does have a lot to do with Indigo and also being Indigo Heart. We have been looking at the tubes going "up" and "down" but there are also tubes going "side to side" connecting the will and spirit sides of each chakra.
Note: In our lessons we have considered the "heart" connections, or tubes, in between each chakra.
(me) this is confusing to me because I have identified with Indigo Will.
(God) Yes, but… or yes, and… you also have involvement on the spirit side of Indigo and it is important to look at this so that you can heal the will side.
We have alluded to the "beat" of heart, the "pumping action" of heart, in the Great Circultation… and if you look at the human heart, you will see there are four chambers…
(me)http://www.gwc.maricopa.edu/class/bio202/cyberheart/hartint0.htm
(God) the point is there is both "sending" and "receiving" on both the will and spirit sides… the rhythm of the breath--intake, outgo--is the fundamental cycle in and through each structure in your body…
Indigo is in the "heart" position of the upper chakras. It has to send and receive from both sides. And there is the up and down flow and the side to side flow. If the up and down flow is "too much" it can destabilize the side to side flow. Cause it to swing from one side to the other.
(me) now it is my turn to say "yes, but…" what about the lack of density in brain tissue [bipolar brains are less dense than normal brains]? how is that a flow issue? how is body "holding" something? how is movement supposed to fix that?
(God) well there is an OC to the brain tissue question. When you were conceived, the genetic material told body how to manifest. Where did this come from? when was the first "change" in the genetic material?
The first thing to know is that this didn't happen to all of Indigo, or even all of Indigo's heart or will. Part of you insistence that this [bipolar disorder] is caused by Body rather than lost spirit or will is because it is one of those structural reflections of the events in OC. You have to go all the way back to your origins…
(me) I am very confused about my origins, I feel like I have presence in all kinds of stories…
(God) Indigo's history has been hidden, because Indigo hid. But as you also know, history is peppered with famous people with bipolar disorder. So there is another side—the manic side—that is very visible.
(me) is the energy of mania and darkness of depression mine? or am I being overloaded with upper and lower chakra feelings?
(God) this is a very good and important question.
The two sides of Indigo (the bipolar aspecting) got "blown out." If Indigo was an amplifier, we could say that the input or volume was too loud.
This increase input or volume changed the structure of the form. Indigo's form became like elastic that was stretched out or a groove that was traced by the end of a pendulum.
Part of the problem was that Green Heart was not able to connect the two sides, let alone balance them. And this was in turn a reflection of the Original Bypass between the male and female sides of Heart.
This aspect of Indigo felt that it had to encompass the whole experience of what it was receiving from the two ends… it felt it had to be a mirror. It in fact felt that all of the Created Spirits should do the same thing, and has a rage that others did not do this. It feels that it has an understanding of the two sides that others do not, and specifically, and understanding of the heart position. It has rage at Heart… for not doing its job in the big picture.
The connection you feel with your husband is in part because you were also giving form to bridging the gap between Spirit and Will, but at a higher location. You also have a rage and an empathy for Jesus—and also a great love there. Male Heart was trying to bridge the same gap, but it was much too little and too late from your perspective.
(me) well I can definitely relate to being so frustrated that the two sides don't understand each other, as well as heart not seeming to encompass the whole thing. I also have rage at the "healing into wholeness" for… not having to go the route that I did to accomplish the same thing. I feel like both a hero and a victim…
I also feel terribly unseen and misunderstood. The only people that seem to "get" me are my husband and the other beepers ["beeper = BPer = person w/ bipolar]. I don't even feel that the other Daughters get this, and I feel that RU people blame and judge me. I don't even know if other Indigo people would relate to me. I kind of feel like Body alone knows the challenges of manifesting the actual range of experience in Spirit and Will… and he doesn't even have the whole range within his personality.
I feel like everyone wants to give ME advice, like I am the "defective" one, who just doesn't move enough, or something. But I am the ONLY one who gets both sides. Well maybe that isn't true, but it feels that way sometimes. And in the beeper community, I don't have anyone doing RU.
I feel so damn alone.
I also don't think that people get how exhausting/impossible it is to swing not from triggers or briging in lost essence, but because the body-response is set the way it is. Like its too sensitive. Like its driving the feelings, not the feelings driving it. I feel like I am backwards from the whole universe. Like a bizarre experiement from some crazy blueprint that God/Heart/Body cooked up.
Or maybe I am reflecting a judgment about what Heart would look like if it encompassed both ends.
Could I be that? Could I be a manifestation of a judgement that Someone made somewhere? Their lost will, acting it out? "This is what will happen if you try to have Humans be New Heart?" Am I the first "flawed" batch of that experiment?
I do sort of feel like I am following instructions. Being dutiful and sacrificing. Doing what I was told. And nobody appreciates it. (besides my husband). There certainly isn't room for me in society. And then there is being a danger to myself or others. And the much worse cases of BP. And the stigma, and all of that. And not being able to get insurance. "We don't insure Beepers." There is so much blame in that. "Its your fault you got this way. We're not responsible for you."
I feel like I made a decision somewhere, and also, that somehow I got stretched too thin. I wonder if this is why I had nightmares of wires. My tube goes too far.
I almost feel like it is an agreement made with Body to be or encompass it all. I also have a suspicion that something got pushed out somewhere.
I feel really old. And what is my role/responsibility in relation to the Smack? I feel like I aligned with Lucifer, somehow—that I was his mate in lieu of the Mother. Also that he made me crazy, caused me to gap between the two poles…
And then there is my jealousy of "normies" and my wanting to be like them. And my outraged resentment of those that take mental health for granted. Who don't even know what their mind does for them. Who don't even know what a gift it is, what a marvelous instrument of reality. Who don't appreciate it, who waste it.
And then there is the painful and confusing reflections that I am spirit polar, up there, etc. and "have no idea how bad it is."
I am wondering if a core judgment is something like "in order to bridge the two sides, I have to manifest them" (as opposed to channel them). A bridge too far, a tube too engaged…
And I guess I have all the judgments that this could kill me, that it isn't survivable, that it isn't functional, that Heart won't help me, that nobody will understand… I feel like I have the judgments of all the parts within me (no I don't thank that is unique, I think everybody has this) but also this other layer of judgments about what encompassing both sides is…
Is this all my fault for making these judgments? God that would suck. That would be so humiliating and painful and depressing and just plain stupid…
(God) no it isn't all your fault… you were innocent of that, you wanted to prove that it could be done, you had guilt and rage there, but also love. A driving force for you has been the sense that you would get some relief if all the parts did connect up and the Greater Body could encompass the Whole. This has spurred heart's leap and some judgment about how the rest of creation doesn't "get it." We are getting it, more and more…
(me) I feel the stirring of some rage that wants to say "I told you so!' "Why didn't you listen to me?" "I sacrificed myself for you!" "Why are you always blaming the Body-Heart alignment? We are just manifesting YOUR vision, YOUR desires…YOUR judgments…"
I feel in some ways I am the antithesis of Daughter who polarized to Spirit or Will—that I somehow polarized to both. And this is "not possible" according to most people's cognitive schema. I don't fit into any box. I get shoved in boxes all the time, however.
I just had the thought that I am manifesting the two extremes without any tempering of each… they are very disconnected extremes, stuck together. The opposite of bringing light down and will up. Maybe that is why that meditation helps me so much. Like I am a particularly non-integrated aspect or reflection of Heart.
Maybe the meds are helping me to bridge my own gap there…
(Mother) In the Second Creation… I felt part of me remaining with Spirit as I fell away… the dot of yin in the yang side… and part of Him was in me… and these two parts remained connected somehow… on kind of a wormhole level… they "knew" what was required to keep us together… or believed they did… it was the faintest glimmerings of Heart… with a memory of Old Heart, so to speak… of when we were One…
And there was a judgment on both sides, barely verbalized… that said "if We are to stay together, I will have to 'stretch'"… "I will have to encompass both sides" "I will have to be bi-polar" (of course all this is going on pre-language, certainly not in English) and the "worm hole" agreed… felt it had the answer… denied our true response to this, in a way… ignored it, ignored the warning signs that we did not have alignment with this yet, that we had to process our feelings about it, have our own unique point of view self-validated, so to speak…
We did not understand that we had to grow our own Dots into their Fullness within us… we felt them as foreign objects… not to say that they felt bad to us, they felt good, but still "other" at this point… and we were kind of intimidated by them, in awe of them… especially my side… I felt that I had to listen to it, and not give my response to it…
On God's side it was more like he wanted to explore it, to find out what it would give to him, rather than penetrate it with his light of Acceptance…
Acceptance was not even born yet… but we had the barest beginning of our Forms as you know them today…
The worm hole leapt in a big way… thought it had all the information it needed… did not wait to see what would happen or allow process to unfold…
This became the judgment (although it thought of itself as the "solution") that became the imprint in Indigo essence that bonded with Body ("seduced" I have sometimes felt) to create a connection between the two sides…
This became the corpus callosum that connects the right and left sides of the brain… Which is a good solution, actually…
But the part that you are concerned about, the OC of bi-polar is a function of the limbic system, which among other things, connects emotions to thought.
Each aspect of this system has its own "OC" which I do not want to go into now. But each provides a "solution" to the Body's question, how to manifest life?
Your "answer" to Body was a fairly simplistic "by connecting the two parts." This is certainly the starting point, but it is not all that was needed. Your answer was also "the body (of the created being) needs to manifest/match the experience of the two parts—it linked the body functions with the two aspects… but it was these aspects in their disconnected states…
On one side was the revving up of the energy, mood, sexuality, gratification-seeking, etc. and on the other, the slowing down of these same things. This linkage of mood, etc., and body is very important for the survival of the being, so it was not wrong.
What is wrong is when it is disregulated, of course. And you are looking for the OC of that.
Let me take another pass at this…
There was a degree of rejection of both sides by the wormhole… it was more of a connector than a tube… it kept us from splitting into infinity opposite of each other… (in the books God said that we were able to find out way back because his smack and my closure wasn't strong enough to split us permanently, but he was overlooking the presence of the wormhole)…
(me) thank you, I need to digest
2006-11-10
(MFGH)
If all is going well, and Indigo is connected to Purple, then the process of outpicturing manifestation is informed by loving Spirit light. But when it is not, then what is manifest is in the Gap.
Ideally, the Mother's desire rises, and all along the way up, within each Chakra, loving Light meets it and the chakras project the form at their layer of existence.
Indigo, of course, is associated with Sight, so at that layer you can "see" the projections. At other layers you can sense them in other ways. Indigo can also help you see what is going on in each chakra.
The receptive centers are not only receiving what is coming "at" them, from the outside in, but also the energies going "up" and "down" the chakra line. And they have to vibrate to do this and to "process" the "information." Each one has its own set of triggers and filters and also each one has its own will presence to magnetize either the reflections it needs to heal, or the light it needs to manifests its desires.
We have been looking (in the books) at whole orders of Rainbow Spirits, but it is also important to at the Heart presence in each of the chakras, on the micro and macro scales.
Being bi polar does have a lot to do with Indigo and also being Indigo Heart. We have been looking at the tubes going "up" and "down" but there are also tubes going "side to side" connecting the will and spirit sides of each chakra.
Note: In our lessons we have considered the "heart" connections, or tubes, in between each chakra.
(me) this is confusing to me because I have identified with Indigo Will.
(God) Yes, but… or yes, and… you also have involvement on the spirit side of Indigo and it is important to look at this so that you can heal the will side.
We have alluded to the "beat" of heart, the "pumping action" of heart, in the Great Circultation… and if you look at the human heart, you will see there are four chambers…
(me)
(God) the point is there is both "sending" and "receiving" on both the will and spirit sides… the rhythm of the breath--intake, outgo--is the fundamental cycle in and through each structure in your body…
Indigo is in the "heart" position of the upper chakras. It has to send and receive from both sides. And there is the up and down flow and the side to side flow. If the up and down flow is "too much" it can destabilize the side to side flow. Cause it to swing from one side to the other.
(me) now it is my turn to say "yes, but…" what about the lack of density in brain tissue [bipolar brains are less dense than normal brains]? how is that a flow issue? how is body "holding" something? how is movement supposed to fix that?
(God) well there is an OC to the brain tissue question. When you were conceived, the genetic material told body how to manifest. Where did this come from? when was the first "change" in the genetic material?
The first thing to know is that this didn't happen to all of Indigo, or even all of Indigo's heart or will. Part of you insistence that this [bipolar disorder] is caused by Body rather than lost spirit or will is because it is one of those structural reflections of the events in OC. You have to go all the way back to your origins…
(me) I am very confused about my origins, I feel like I have presence in all kinds of stories…
(God) Indigo's history has been hidden, because Indigo hid. But as you also know, history is peppered with famous people with bipolar disorder. So there is another side—the manic side—that is very visible.
(me) is the energy of mania and darkness of depression mine? or am I being overloaded with upper and lower chakra feelings?
(God) this is a very good and important question.
The two sides of Indigo (the bipolar aspecting) got "blown out." If Indigo was an amplifier, we could say that the input or volume was too loud.
This increase input or volume changed the structure of the form. Indigo's form became like elastic that was stretched out or a groove that was traced by the end of a pendulum.
Part of the problem was that Green Heart was not able to connect the two sides, let alone balance them. And this was in turn a reflection of the Original Bypass between the male and female sides of Heart.
This aspect of Indigo felt that it had to encompass the whole experience of what it was receiving from the two ends… it felt it had to be a mirror. It in fact felt that all of the Created Spirits should do the same thing, and has a rage that others did not do this. It feels that it has an understanding of the two sides that others do not, and specifically, and understanding of the heart position. It has rage at Heart… for not doing its job in the big picture.
The connection you feel with your husband is in part because you were also giving form to bridging the gap between Spirit and Will, but at a higher location. You also have a rage and an empathy for Jesus—and also a great love there. Male Heart was trying to bridge the same gap, but it was much too little and too late from your perspective.
(me) well I can definitely relate to being so frustrated that the two sides don't understand each other, as well as heart not seeming to encompass the whole thing. I also have rage at the "healing into wholeness" for… not having to go the route that I did to accomplish the same thing. I feel like both a hero and a victim…
I also feel terribly unseen and misunderstood. The only people that seem to "get" me are my husband and the other beepers ["beeper = BPer = person w/ bipolar]. I don't even feel that the other Daughters get this, and I feel that RU people blame and judge me. I don't even know if other Indigo people would relate to me. I kind of feel like Body alone knows the challenges of manifesting the actual range of experience in Spirit and Will… and he doesn't even have the whole range within his personality.
I feel like everyone wants to give ME advice, like I am the "defective" one, who just doesn't move enough, or something. But I am the ONLY one who gets both sides. Well maybe that isn't true, but it feels that way sometimes. And in the beeper community, I don't have anyone doing RU.
I feel so damn alone.
I also don't think that people get how exhausting/impossible it is to swing not from triggers or briging in lost essence, but because the body-response is set the way it is. Like its too sensitive. Like its driving the feelings, not the feelings driving it. I feel like I am backwards from the whole universe. Like a bizarre experiement from some crazy blueprint that God/Heart/Body cooked up.
Or maybe I am reflecting a judgment about what Heart would look like if it encompassed both ends.
Could I be that? Could I be a manifestation of a judgement that Someone made somewhere? Their lost will, acting it out? "This is what will happen if you try to have Humans be New Heart?" Am I the first "flawed" batch of that experiment?
I do sort of feel like I am following instructions. Being dutiful and sacrificing. Doing what I was told. And nobody appreciates it. (besides my husband). There certainly isn't room for me in society. And then there is being a danger to myself or others. And the much worse cases of BP. And the stigma, and all of that. And not being able to get insurance. "We don't insure Beepers." There is so much blame in that. "Its your fault you got this way. We're not responsible for you."
I feel like I made a decision somewhere, and also, that somehow I got stretched too thin. I wonder if this is why I had nightmares of wires. My tube goes too far.
I almost feel like it is an agreement made with Body to be or encompass it all. I also have a suspicion that something got pushed out somewhere.
I feel really old. And what is my role/responsibility in relation to the Smack? I feel like I aligned with Lucifer, somehow—that I was his mate in lieu of the Mother. Also that he made me crazy, caused me to gap between the two poles…
And then there is my jealousy of "normies" and my wanting to be like them. And my outraged resentment of those that take mental health for granted. Who don't even know what their mind does for them. Who don't even know what a gift it is, what a marvelous instrument of reality. Who don't appreciate it, who waste it.
And then there is the painful and confusing reflections that I am spirit polar, up there, etc. and "have no idea how bad it is."
I am wondering if a core judgment is something like "in order to bridge the two sides, I have to manifest them" (as opposed to channel them). A bridge too far, a tube too engaged…
And I guess I have all the judgments that this could kill me, that it isn't survivable, that it isn't functional, that Heart won't help me, that nobody will understand… I feel like I have the judgments of all the parts within me (no I don't thank that is unique, I think everybody has this) but also this other layer of judgments about what encompassing both sides is…
Is this all my fault for making these judgments? God that would suck. That would be so humiliating and painful and depressing and just plain stupid…
(God) no it isn't all your fault… you were innocent of that, you wanted to prove that it could be done, you had guilt and rage there, but also love. A driving force for you has been the sense that you would get some relief if all the parts did connect up and the Greater Body could encompass the Whole. This has spurred heart's leap and some judgment about how the rest of creation doesn't "get it." We are getting it, more and more…
(me) I feel the stirring of some rage that wants to say "I told you so!' "Why didn't you listen to me?" "I sacrificed myself for you!" "Why are you always blaming the Body-Heart alignment? We are just manifesting YOUR vision, YOUR desires…YOUR judgments…"
I feel in some ways I am the antithesis of Daughter who polarized to Spirit or Will—that I somehow polarized to both. And this is "not possible" according to most people's cognitive schema. I don't fit into any box. I get shoved in boxes all the time, however.
I just had the thought that I am manifesting the two extremes without any tempering of each… they are very disconnected extremes, stuck together. The opposite of bringing light down and will up. Maybe that is why that meditation helps me so much. Like I am a particularly non-integrated aspect or reflection of Heart.
Maybe the meds are helping me to bridge my own gap there…
(Mother) In the Second Creation… I felt part of me remaining with Spirit as I fell away… the dot of yin in the yang side… and part of Him was in me… and these two parts remained connected somehow… on kind of a wormhole level… they "knew" what was required to keep us together… or believed they did… it was the faintest glimmerings of Heart… with a memory of Old Heart, so to speak… of when we were One…
And there was a judgment on both sides, barely verbalized… that said "if We are to stay together, I will have to 'stretch'"… "I will have to encompass both sides" "I will have to be bi-polar" (of course all this is going on pre-language, certainly not in English) and the "worm hole" agreed… felt it had the answer… denied our true response to this, in a way… ignored it, ignored the warning signs that we did not have alignment with this yet, that we had to process our feelings about it, have our own unique point of view self-validated, so to speak…
We did not understand that we had to grow our own Dots into their Fullness within us… we felt them as foreign objects… not to say that they felt bad to us, they felt good, but still "other" at this point… and we were kind of intimidated by them, in awe of them… especially my side… I felt that I had to listen to it, and not give my response to it…
On God's side it was more like he wanted to explore it, to find out what it would give to him, rather than penetrate it with his light of Acceptance…
Acceptance was not even born yet… but we had the barest beginning of our Forms as you know them today…
The worm hole leapt in a big way… thought it had all the information it needed… did not wait to see what would happen or allow process to unfold…
This became the judgment (although it thought of itself as the "solution") that became the imprint in Indigo essence that bonded with Body ("seduced" I have sometimes felt) to create a connection between the two sides…
This became the corpus callosum that connects the right and left sides of the brain… Which is a good solution, actually…
But the part that you are concerned about, the OC of bi-polar is a function of the limbic system, which among other things, connects emotions to thought.
Each aspect of this system has its own "OC" which I do not want to go into now. But each provides a "solution" to the Body's question, how to manifest life?
Your "answer" to Body was a fairly simplistic "by connecting the two parts." This is certainly the starting point, but it is not all that was needed. Your answer was also "the body (of the created being) needs to manifest/match the experience of the two parts—it linked the body functions with the two aspects… but it was these aspects in their disconnected states…
On one side was the revving up of the energy, mood, sexuality, gratification-seeking, etc. and on the other, the slowing down of these same things. This linkage of mood, etc., and body is very important for the survival of the being, so it was not wrong.
What is wrong is when it is disregulated, of course. And you are looking for the OC of that.
Let me take another pass at this…
There was a degree of rejection of both sides by the wormhole… it was more of a connector than a tube… it kept us from splitting into infinity opposite of each other… (in the books God said that we were able to find out way back because his smack and my closure wasn't strong enough to split us permanently, but he was overlooking the presence of the wormhole)…
(me) thank you, I need to digest
Original Cause of Heart Son and Heart Daughter
2006-10-29
(MFGH)
You have judgments and held emotions about not having what you want. Especially sexually. Again, it is important to let all the parts of you work with and through these issues. One way to do this is to review/tap into the desires and frustrations of each of your chakras.
Red has a desire to control. It is really frustrated. There is rage there that doesn't care if it survives. It has not been received. It has all of the energy that is needed for survival on the planet. It both wants to hold back and release the Kundalini.
Islam is where the Red Spirits and the Ronalokas find common ground. Give yourself permission to rage at and fear these "terrorists." The Mother Warriors control and pull strings there just like the Father Warriors do here. They are based in denial--the Mother's denied rage to kill the Father and take down his Creation. This had built up from previous Creations. Kali, Pele, Demeter and other forms of the Goddess are reflections of this.
Your own fear of Jeweliet [my Red parental aspect] needs to be gone into. This fear is more than just Yellow's terror of triggering the Blue gap. This fear is the imprint that it needs to keep these two forces (Red and Blue) apart, or else they will tear apart creation in their rage. Yet Red's held rage needs to move up and out through the Chakra system. The Main Etheric Body of God has to hang together enough to facilitate this movement.
You have to receive your part—your rage that you pushed back and down. It has rage at you! Its rage needs to move through you. You have to give your true response to it so that it can be received freely.
Your denied rage can look like the Mother raging at you. Besides holding your denied rage, she needs to receive and move her own rage at you first, so that she can receive you.
(me) I want to say to Mother—why are you withholding your rage at Heart Son? Maybe he needs to receive your rage for his own healing process. What are your judgments against expressing rage? What is your rage doing out there in a state of denial?
Of course these are things that I need to say to myself. But this is my trigger right now.
(God) yes, Daughter has some rage about getting the brunt of the Mother's rage and Son being protected from it. And yes Daughter has caught some of the Mother's rage at Son.
This has also worked in the reverse—Son has rage about receiving Father's rage while Father was protecting Daughter. Not to mention keeping her for himself.
This is in part why my rage at Daughter in the Indigo book didn't feel good to you. I (Spirit) was channeling some of my rage at Father, at you. I had been focusing on moving my rage at my Body about embodying the Smack at the Mother, but hadn't yet gotten to my rage at him for his abuse of you.
Father's rage at Daughter has gone through her to the Mother. So it seemed to me like you were not "getting" it or receiving it. It didn't seem fair. My guilt about my participation in smacking the Mother was also fueling my rage at Daughter. I had unmoved rage at myself.
What Daughter has reflected to me here is that I did not feel into the whole situation before acting in a way that translated my rage into hurtful words. I really wanted to smack you/Her there. I wanted to see you be moved into remorse and somehow this would be translated into love and respect for the Mother's pain.
I did not see your pain there. I did not see that you were acting out your pain. I did not see that you were passing on the abuse that you had received. I did not see that you had no where to go with your rage, given the lack of acceptance that all of Us had for it. I did not understand why you had rage at Son there. I still don't understand all of it, but I am learning. You can teach me.
(me) I am overwhelmed. Please continue.
(God) Daughter has rage at Son, but this needs to be understood within the context of the Whole Story. And she needs to access her rage, not only so it doesn't continue to act out in a state of denial. We all judged it very harshly. But it can give her and us the understandings we need. Like the Mother's rage, it has consciousness.
I fear that in my rage at Daughter in the Indigo book, I pushed Daughter's rage farther into denial. I thought that I would get it right back at me. And I did, though more from some essence than from others. What my smack did was fuel the fire of everyone else's rage at Daughter. This did have to move, but I gave the idea that it should move "at" the Daughters. The operative word here being "should." I needed to move, but not necessarily in the ways that it did.
The self-doubt that you had was not expected by me. Your Rage looked so damn sure of itself. I did not see what it was defending. I thought my desire for a Son first was quite reasonable. I thought your rage about being second was unreasonable.
Yet as I have looked closer, and as you all have moved your response to all of this, I am starting to connect the dots.
You were actually called into manifestation by the Father before I was ready. I thought My Heart should make the first move. You and the Father already bonded before I could bond with the Mother. He usurped my role there, or so I believed, while I was still "holding back" from his perspective.
I pushed Male Heart essence down, which gave it room at the bottom to squeeze out and connect with the Mother. It "missed" you. You were really the target. Instead of coming out through my heart to the Mother's heart, the heart essence there bypassed each other.
You fled upwards, missing him. You were fueled by the Mother's incredibly strong desire there. Her desire was backed up, and it pushed you towards the object of her desire. She tried to follow you, but you did not want any more pressure from her, so you kept her back and down.
I am speaking of you as if you are representing all of Daughter, which I know you are not. Let me switch back to a more objective mode for the time being.
There was a series of explosions at the top between Father, Daughter and Mother and a series of implosions at the bottom between the Mother and Son.
Female Heart was not so present at the bottom to mitigate the entry of Son into Mother. That was not actually supposed to happen. We have a vision of what the Heart-centered connection would have been like, but we have to work with what actually happened.
There were consequences for the top and the bottom. At the top, Purple, Indigo and Blue were blasted apart. I could not get in. The Mother was trying to reach Me at the top, but you and the Father would not let us move through you. The connection was not made.
This was all supposed to happen in Green, with Male Heart bridging the space between you and the Male side, and you bridging the space between the Mother and Us.
Another consequence is that the Mother's Body did not even get a chance to Manifest, but that is a whole other story that I will not go into here.
At the bottom, Red got sexualized. This is not wrong, as we have come to understand the connection between survival, making love, and procreation. But it overloaded Red, especially on the Mother's side. My rage at the Father going first without me and not letting me in got pushed through Male Heart there and into Red Will.
Red has long been trying to return this rage to me. And unfortunately it has tried to do this through Red Male Heart, with the disastrous consequences you have seen in the suicide bombers. It needs to go "up," not "out." There is no one to receive it going "out."
The explosive quality of orgasm is not wrong, but it has its roots in being a release from being backed up.
(me) I got that the Mother wasn't there to receive the light that Father and Blue Woman were making, and that Heart was absent from Green to channel it down anyway…
(God) yes, it did not go through Green as much as rolled over it down to where it could be grounded in the Will.
This whole experience is why I make such a big deal out of Right Place. There was a right place for each of us, but we did not know what it was until after the fact. And then parts were missing, or Lost, from the Main Body. And then we were creating, and our creation was reflecting all of our original experiences and the way that they shaped us.
We also lost consciousness of what went on before—actually what is more accurate is that we didn't have linearity, so to speak, to help us organize our experiences. Some of our memories were from Original Creations, and some were reenactments in this Creation. We have had to go far back into our earliest experiences. "Back and down," actually.
(me) can you tell me more about Daughter's and Son's role in the beginning?
(God) Their roles were both a result of and causal to the necessity of the two polarities of electromagnetism… "spectrumizing" is the best term I can come up with. Heart simultaneously receives and sends. It "pumps" the Great Circulation (that did not happen in the beginning).
It's right place is in the middle, but there is a lot of charge from all sides about this. For one thing, the parental parts don't trust Heart. It either "does our bidding" when it shouldn't, or "resist our instructions" when it should receive us. We have very mixed feelings about it being a separate entity with its own point of view. Heart's point of view can help us all find the balance we seek and of course help us bond, but we did not experience balance or bonding in the beginning so we did not understand what was possible.
We needed to move some of our charge at each other first, because it could have blasted you once again if it went though you. In fact that is the cause of my "mistake" in the Indigo book with your aspect of Daughter—I had not moved enough of my rage at Body. Or Son.
At the same time, you (Heart, Sons and Daughters) are in the Gap, and I have said that Heart needs to be born in the Gap. This means within you. You are the seeds of this rebirth. This is a four-way reconnection, with you in the middle of it. So you have to connect outwards towards the three of us, while we have to work on receiving what you have to give us. Then there is the issue of you being the conduit.
First you have to give us old information, or charge, that you are holding. It doesn't matter if this is an old packet of vibration from one side or the other, or if it is your held response to this packet when you first were asked to "mail" it. You need to vibrate the kinks out and allow essence to go where it needs to.
A lot of you are holding on to stuff, because you "can tell" that we won't be able to receive it. If this is happening in outward reflections, then give it to Us in your inner or private work.
It is also very important to move your sexual issues, so that you are actually making Love and not feeding denials. Ask Us to be present with you. Move your fears and shame about participating in sex with us.
We are trying to build new energy bridges in old forms. There is another lesson about manifestation here, but I will close now.
(me) thank you.
(MFGH)
You have judgments and held emotions about not having what you want. Especially sexually. Again, it is important to let all the parts of you work with and through these issues. One way to do this is to review/tap into the desires and frustrations of each of your chakras.
Red has a desire to control. It is really frustrated. There is rage there that doesn't care if it survives. It has not been received. It has all of the energy that is needed for survival on the planet. It both wants to hold back and release the Kundalini.
Islam is where the Red Spirits and the Ronalokas find common ground. Give yourself permission to rage at and fear these "terrorists." The Mother Warriors control and pull strings there just like the Father Warriors do here. They are based in denial--the Mother's denied rage to kill the Father and take down his Creation. This had built up from previous Creations. Kali, Pele, Demeter and other forms of the Goddess are reflections of this.
Your own fear of Jeweliet [my Red parental aspect] needs to be gone into. This fear is more than just Yellow's terror of triggering the Blue gap. This fear is the imprint that it needs to keep these two forces (Red and Blue) apart, or else they will tear apart creation in their rage. Yet Red's held rage needs to move up and out through the Chakra system. The Main Etheric Body of God has to hang together enough to facilitate this movement.
You have to receive your part—your rage that you pushed back and down. It has rage at you! Its rage needs to move through you. You have to give your true response to it so that it can be received freely.
Your denied rage can look like the Mother raging at you. Besides holding your denied rage, she needs to receive and move her own rage at you first, so that she can receive you.
(me) I want to say to Mother—why are you withholding your rage at Heart Son? Maybe he needs to receive your rage for his own healing process. What are your judgments against expressing rage? What is your rage doing out there in a state of denial?
Of course these are things that I need to say to myself. But this is my trigger right now.
(God) yes, Daughter has some rage about getting the brunt of the Mother's rage and Son being protected from it. And yes Daughter has caught some of the Mother's rage at Son.
This has also worked in the reverse—Son has rage about receiving Father's rage while Father was protecting Daughter. Not to mention keeping her for himself.
This is in part why my rage at Daughter in the Indigo book didn't feel good to you. I (Spirit) was channeling some of my rage at Father, at you. I had been focusing on moving my rage at my Body about embodying the Smack at the Mother, but hadn't yet gotten to my rage at him for his abuse of you.
Father's rage at Daughter has gone through her to the Mother. So it seemed to me like you were not "getting" it or receiving it. It didn't seem fair. My guilt about my participation in smacking the Mother was also fueling my rage at Daughter. I had unmoved rage at myself.
What Daughter has reflected to me here is that I did not feel into the whole situation before acting in a way that translated my rage into hurtful words. I really wanted to smack you/Her there. I wanted to see you be moved into remorse and somehow this would be translated into love and respect for the Mother's pain.
I did not see your pain there. I did not see that you were acting out your pain. I did not see that you were passing on the abuse that you had received. I did not see that you had no where to go with your rage, given the lack of acceptance that all of Us had for it. I did not understand why you had rage at Son there. I still don't understand all of it, but I am learning. You can teach me.
(me) I am overwhelmed. Please continue.
(God) Daughter has rage at Son, but this needs to be understood within the context of the Whole Story. And she needs to access her rage, not only so it doesn't continue to act out in a state of denial. We all judged it very harshly. But it can give her and us the understandings we need. Like the Mother's rage, it has consciousness.
I fear that in my rage at Daughter in the Indigo book, I pushed Daughter's rage farther into denial. I thought that I would get it right back at me. And I did, though more from some essence than from others. What my smack did was fuel the fire of everyone else's rage at Daughter. This did have to move, but I gave the idea that it should move "at" the Daughters. The operative word here being "should." I needed to move, but not necessarily in the ways that it did.
The self-doubt that you had was not expected by me. Your Rage looked so damn sure of itself. I did not see what it was defending. I thought my desire for a Son first was quite reasonable. I thought your rage about being second was unreasonable.
Yet as I have looked closer, and as you all have moved your response to all of this, I am starting to connect the dots.
You were actually called into manifestation by the Father before I was ready. I thought My Heart should make the first move. You and the Father already bonded before I could bond with the Mother. He usurped my role there, or so I believed, while I was still "holding back" from his perspective.
I pushed Male Heart essence down, which gave it room at the bottom to squeeze out and connect with the Mother. It "missed" you. You were really the target. Instead of coming out through my heart to the Mother's heart, the heart essence there bypassed each other.
You fled upwards, missing him. You were fueled by the Mother's incredibly strong desire there. Her desire was backed up, and it pushed you towards the object of her desire. She tried to follow you, but you did not want any more pressure from her, so you kept her back and down.
I am speaking of you as if you are representing all of Daughter, which I know you are not. Let me switch back to a more objective mode for the time being.
There was a series of explosions at the top between Father, Daughter and Mother and a series of implosions at the bottom between the Mother and Son.
Female Heart was not so present at the bottom to mitigate the entry of Son into Mother. That was not actually supposed to happen. We have a vision of what the Heart-centered connection would have been like, but we have to work with what actually happened.
There were consequences for the top and the bottom. At the top, Purple, Indigo and Blue were blasted apart. I could not get in. The Mother was trying to reach Me at the top, but you and the Father would not let us move through you. The connection was not made.
This was all supposed to happen in Green, with Male Heart bridging the space between you and the Male side, and you bridging the space between the Mother and Us.
Another consequence is that the Mother's Body did not even get a chance to Manifest, but that is a whole other story that I will not go into here.
At the bottom, Red got sexualized. This is not wrong, as we have come to understand the connection between survival, making love, and procreation. But it overloaded Red, especially on the Mother's side. My rage at the Father going first without me and not letting me in got pushed through Male Heart there and into Red Will.
Red has long been trying to return this rage to me. And unfortunately it has tried to do this through Red Male Heart, with the disastrous consequences you have seen in the suicide bombers. It needs to go "up," not "out." There is no one to receive it going "out."
The explosive quality of orgasm is not wrong, but it has its roots in being a release from being backed up.
(me) I got that the Mother wasn't there to receive the light that Father and Blue Woman were making, and that Heart was absent from Green to channel it down anyway…
(God) yes, it did not go through Green as much as rolled over it down to where it could be grounded in the Will.
This whole experience is why I make such a big deal out of Right Place. There was a right place for each of us, but we did not know what it was until after the fact. And then parts were missing, or Lost, from the Main Body. And then we were creating, and our creation was reflecting all of our original experiences and the way that they shaped us.
We also lost consciousness of what went on before—actually what is more accurate is that we didn't have linearity, so to speak, to help us organize our experiences. Some of our memories were from Original Creations, and some were reenactments in this Creation. We have had to go far back into our earliest experiences. "Back and down," actually.
(me) can you tell me more about Daughter's and Son's role in the beginning?
(God) Their roles were both a result of and causal to the necessity of the two polarities of electromagnetism… "spectrumizing" is the best term I can come up with. Heart simultaneously receives and sends. It "pumps" the Great Circulation (that did not happen in the beginning).
It's right place is in the middle, but there is a lot of charge from all sides about this. For one thing, the parental parts don't trust Heart. It either "does our bidding" when it shouldn't, or "resist our instructions" when it should receive us. We have very mixed feelings about it being a separate entity with its own point of view. Heart's point of view can help us all find the balance we seek and of course help us bond, but we did not experience balance or bonding in the beginning so we did not understand what was possible.
We needed to move some of our charge at each other first, because it could have blasted you once again if it went though you. In fact that is the cause of my "mistake" in the Indigo book with your aspect of Daughter—I had not moved enough of my rage at Body. Or Son.
At the same time, you (Heart, Sons and Daughters) are in the Gap, and I have said that Heart needs to be born in the Gap. This means within you. You are the seeds of this rebirth. This is a four-way reconnection, with you in the middle of it. So you have to connect outwards towards the three of us, while we have to work on receiving what you have to give us. Then there is the issue of you being the conduit.
First you have to give us old information, or charge, that you are holding. It doesn't matter if this is an old packet of vibration from one side or the other, or if it is your held response to this packet when you first were asked to "mail" it. You need to vibrate the kinks out and allow essence to go where it needs to.
A lot of you are holding on to stuff, because you "can tell" that we won't be able to receive it. If this is happening in outward reflections, then give it to Us in your inner or private work.
It is also very important to move your sexual issues, so that you are actually making Love and not feeding denials. Ask Us to be present with you. Move your fears and shame about participating in sex with us.
We are trying to build new energy bridges in old forms. There is another lesson about manifestation here, but I will close now.
(me) thank you.
each chakra's priorities
Note: God asked me some useful questions, and "coincidentally" another friend was doing similar work. So I thought I would start with this exerpt.
2006-08-08
(me) Good morning MFGH… [did running energy meditation] I seem to have a block at the top of blue going "up" and the top of indigo going "down"… can you help me understand that?
(MFGH) It is a reflection of the gap between Blue and Purple. And as you can see, Indigo is gapped from both sides. So Indigo has been disconnected from the energy flowing from both sides. It has very much been lost from the rest of the colors. And this is why it is mysterious and not known.
Actually there isn't much mystery there, except what Indigo felt it needed to veil to protect itself. Mystery schools and all of that. Indigo is associated with the night because that is when hidden things come out of their hiding places. And that is when people act in ways they don't want the Light of day to see.
(MFGH) If you could guess what each of your Chakra's priorities were, what would they be?
(me)
Purple: connect with/receive God, channel, move my feelings in relationship to Spirit
Indigo: move in relationship to what I am seeing, see clearly and be able to communicate what I see, be valued as a seer, be received, connect with other Indigo people, heal the damage there, reconnect with God and the Mother
Blue: be received, express myself, sing, be a spokesperson for healing the will, speak in public, get Daughter's story told
Green: be loved, live in harmony, have a healed planet, feel love, be identified with, be authentically loving, tell the difference between love and guilt
Yellow: not live in terror, be safe, develop personal power (this feels far off), be respected, have more presence, be received for my ability to suss out danger
Orange: be intuitive, have my intuition received, manifest magic, do Mother-centered ritual, have Red healed so it doesn't cause me problems, do art, connect with others in a creative way
Red: lead, vibrate, have orgasms (inside of love), be powerful, release what I am holding, source the Kundalini energy and be honored for that, integrate with the rest of my being, manifest what I desire
(MFGH) Which priorities are you addressing? Which aren't getting your attention?
2006-08-08
(me) Good morning MFGH… [did running energy meditation] I seem to have a block at the top of blue going "up" and the top of indigo going "down"… can you help me understand that?
(MFGH) It is a reflection of the gap between Blue and Purple. And as you can see, Indigo is gapped from both sides. So Indigo has been disconnected from the energy flowing from both sides. It has very much been lost from the rest of the colors. And this is why it is mysterious and not known.
Actually there isn't much mystery there, except what Indigo felt it needed to veil to protect itself. Mystery schools and all of that. Indigo is associated with the night because that is when hidden things come out of their hiding places. And that is when people act in ways they don't want the Light of day to see.
(me)
Purple: connect with/receive God, channel, move my feelings in relationship to Spirit
Indigo: move in relationship to what I am seeing, see clearly and be able to communicate what I see, be valued as a seer, be received, connect with other Indigo people, heal the damage there, reconnect with God and the Mother
Blue: be received, express myself, sing, be a spokesperson for healing the will, speak in public, get Daughter's story told
Green: be loved, live in harmony, have a healed planet, feel love, be identified with, be authentically loving, tell the difference between love and guilt
Yellow: not live in terror, be safe, develop personal power (this feels far off), be respected, have more presence, be received for my ability to suss out danger
Orange: be intuitive, have my intuition received, manifest magic, do Mother-centered ritual, have Red healed so it doesn't cause me problems, do art, connect with others in a creative way
Red: lead, vibrate, have orgasms (inside of love), be powerful, release what I am holding, source the Kundalini energy and be honored for that, integrate with the rest of my being, manifest what I desire
(MFGH) Which priorities are you addressing? Which aren't getting your attention?
about the unfoldment of the creations
Note: many years ago I got a vision of how creation--or rather creations--unfolded. My understanding of this has evolved as I have gotten more details about each one. Some of the Mother Channeling on the GodChannel site has helped me as well.
The piece below is a reworking of a piece I originally channeled 2006-07-11. I will probably keep editing it over time. (My motto is "time is the best editor!")
(God) The Role of "Daughter" in Manifestation
There have been some misunderstandings about the role of what has become to be known as Daughter, Heart, Heart's Will, in the manifestations of the Seven Creations.
[Note: It might be helpful to read Grandfather Remembers Original Heart and Mother Remembers Original Heart from the GodChannel as background to this information.]
After the explosion in Original Heart that separated Will and Spirit essence, the First Creation was formed. As we had planned it in Original Heart, this Creation was formed with only part of the Will. The rest of the Will was "lost" to this Creation, and was encircling it outside of it.
The Will essence that did bond with the Light was in the center, and together they made Purple. The Will essence inside of this creation felt complete, and did not know that there was essence on the outside, wanting in. This essence within the First Creation came to believe that she was all the will essence there was, and it fact she was, as the Lost Will was in the void.
However, the Lost Will that was in the void knew herself to be greater than the Will that was bonded with the light in the First Creation. She knew that this will was only a part of her, and so experienced herself as more parental to the First Creation will essence. The essence within the Light was like a daughter to her.
And so we had the original "mother-daughter" gap. From the Outer Will's perspective, the Inner Will bonded with her mate and took her place as the Mother of that Creation and would not let her in.
From the Inner Will's perspective, she was the manifestation of the "original" Will's desire, and knew herself to be fulfilling the destiny that Original Heart intended—a reuniting of Spirit and Will. She felt she was in her right place.
In the beginning, they did not know each other, or each other's point of view.
This basic pattern happened over and over again with each Creation, but in different ways and with different details. And each Creation carried the echos of the previous creation in it and recreated the Creation before it within. So the First creation, which I shall call the Purple creation, was barely manifest from your point of view, yet the events imprinted all of the essence involved, and these imprints live on through the subsequent Creations and were reinacted in them.
Within the Second Creation, The creation of Sight, which allowed for Us to see that there was an Other, there was also a re-Creation of the First Creation, the creation of Union. It was in the Second Creation that I was able to perceive my Mate falling away from me and know her as an absence. It was then I knew our Duality, it was then I felt loss.
Note: Much of the subsequent channeling I have been doing fills this out. I feel that I have a mission to lay out as much of the early creations as possible. I am slowly recording this as I am able. Your input is very welcome.
The piece below is a reworking of a piece I originally channeled 2006-07-11. I will probably keep editing it over time. (My motto is "time is the best editor!")
(God) The Role of "Daughter" in Manifestation
There have been some misunderstandings about the role of what has become to be known as Daughter, Heart, Heart's Will, in the manifestations of the Seven Creations.
[Note: It might be helpful to read Grandfather Remembers Original Heart and Mother Remembers Original Heart from the GodChannel as background to this information.]
After the explosion in Original Heart that separated Will and Spirit essence, the First Creation was formed. As we had planned it in Original Heart, this Creation was formed with only part of the Will. The rest of the Will was "lost" to this Creation, and was encircling it outside of it.
The Will essence that did bond with the Light was in the center, and together they made Purple. The Will essence inside of this creation felt complete, and did not know that there was essence on the outside, wanting in. This essence within the First Creation came to believe that she was all the will essence there was, and it fact she was, as the Lost Will was in the void.
However, the Lost Will that was in the void knew herself to be greater than the Will that was bonded with the light in the First Creation. She knew that this will was only a part of her, and so experienced herself as more parental to the First Creation will essence. The essence within the Light was like a daughter to her.
And so we had the original "mother-daughter" gap. From the Outer Will's perspective, the Inner Will bonded with her mate and took her place as the Mother of that Creation and would not let her in.
From the Inner Will's perspective, she was the manifestation of the "original" Will's desire, and knew herself to be fulfilling the destiny that Original Heart intended—a reuniting of Spirit and Will. She felt she was in her right place.
In the beginning, they did not know each other, or each other's point of view.
This basic pattern happened over and over again with each Creation, but in different ways and with different details. And each Creation carried the echos of the previous creation in it and recreated the Creation before it within. So the First creation, which I shall call the Purple creation, was barely manifest from your point of view, yet the events imprinted all of the essence involved, and these imprints live on through the subsequent Creations and were reinacted in them.
Within the Second Creation, The creation of Sight, which allowed for Us to see that there was an Other, there was also a re-Creation of the First Creation, the creation of Union. It was in the Second Creation that I was able to perceive my Mate falling away from me and know her as an absence. It was then I knew our Duality, it was then I felt loss.
Note: Much of the subsequent channeling I have been doing fills this out. I feel that I have a mission to lay out as much of the early creations as possible. I am slowly recording this as I am able. Your input is very welcome.
about the posts
I have been channeling for about eight years, but I will be starting with material from recent months (late 2006). As much of it is personal and not of general interest, I will be editing it with the intent of posting the stuff that other people might be interested in. So it may be a bit choppy as I am just pulling out the "good parts."
I put who is speaking in (parenthesis).
(me) = me
(MFGH) = MotherFatherGodHeart
(God) = Spirit
(Mother) = Will
etc.
In the interest of expediency, I am not going to do a lot of explaining, but if anything is not clear, or you would like to pursue something, please don't hesitate to comment. I (and MFGH) would be happy to clarify or expand on anything that interests you. Plus this will give me new topics to channel about.
Also if you would like to share a response, channeled or otherwise, please post it in the comments or email me. If you are willing for it to be posted, please let me know. I think/feel it is very helpful for me and all of us to hear from multiple points of view.
Also: please read from the "bottom, up." That is the convention for blogs.
I put who is speaking in (parenthesis).
(me) = me
(MFGH) = MotherFatherGodHeart
(God) = Spirit
(Mother) = Will
etc.
In the interest of expediency, I am not going to do a lot of explaining, but if anything is not clear, or you would like to pursue something, please don't hesitate to comment. I (and MFGH) would be happy to clarify or expand on anything that interests you. Plus this will give me new topics to channel about.
Also if you would like to share a response, channeled or otherwise, please post it in the comments or email me. If you are willing for it to be posted, please let me know. I think/feel it is very helpful for me and all of us to hear from multiple points of view.
Also: please read from the "bottom, up." That is the convention for blogs.
a "note" on channeling
God has told me that from his perspective, all of the channelers are like different musical instruments that he plays... each one has its own tone, range, and cadence... each one is unique, and has its own contribution to the Whole...
Like instruments, one is not "better" than another, but we may have preferences, we may resonate more with one than another... and none of them can produce the whole Symphony...
All are necessary for that... So you may be a flute, or you may like the flutes the best... but flutes alone cannot express everything there is to express in Creation... we need the cello, the timpani... and we need more than the orchestra, we need the African drums, the South American Pan pipes...
Channeling is a Joyful Noise, and each of us has our Part to Play...
So I invite you to think of this as just one voice in the Chorus, and to Sing your own HeartSong... and share it here, if you feel so moved.
Like instruments, one is not "better" than another, but we may have preferences, we may resonate more with one than another... and none of them can produce the whole Symphony...
All are necessary for that... So you may be a flute, or you may like the flutes the best... but flutes alone cannot express everything there is to express in Creation... we need the cello, the timpani... and we need more than the orchestra, we need the African drums, the South American Pan pipes...
Channeling is a Joyful Noise, and each of us has our Part to Play...
So I invite you to think of this as just one voice in the Chorus, and to Sing your own HeartSong... and share it here, if you feel so moved.
my bio
I can't remember the very first time I learned about channeling, but I did know about mediumship as a child. I wanted to "be psychic" from a very young age. In first grade my friends and I would search the neighborhood for clues—kind of like "Harriet the Clairvoyant." I remember we found a mitten-shaped marking in a paving stone down the street from my house—ooh! A sign! Never mind we had no clue what it was a sign of.
At my 12th birthday party we had a séance trying to contact Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. We sat at a table and passed around a red rose chanting his name. The candle in the center cast creepy shadows on the wall. We had almost convinced ourselves that we had made contact when my Dad sprang through the door, shouting "boo!" and sending us into scared giggles.
When I was 16 I discovered the Tarot, and began a life-long love affair with it. It really suits my particular learning style—intuitive, emotional, right brain, experiential and kinetic. Early on I abandoned the "you will meet a brown-haired man" school of thought. Long before I understood what the word meant, I was searching for the symbolism of the archetypes.
When I was 18 I learned how to do self-hypnosis, which was the first time I was able to access different levels of consciousness. My friend had gone to a lecture, and described the technique to me when she came home. I was fascinated. I remember sitting in the cement stairwell outside my dorm, looking up at the stars, determined to master it. It turns out I am an easy subject, which has its good and bad points.
Coming of age was marked by a trip to the Isle of Mytilini (Lesbos) in Greece with a women's study program. Here my psychic abilities blossomed. We had no phones; we had to rely on the psychic airwaves to communicate with each other. The messages were very specific: "Meet me at the crossroad at 1:00." And there my friend would be, saying "Hey, I had a feeling that I'd find you here!"
I found myself in the role of oracle there… mostly through the Tarot cards. I felt like the "airspace" was a lot clearer than in the States—both because not everybody spoke English, but also because there was literally less electromagnetic transmissions in that part of the world. I imagine that its very different today.
At this point my spirituality was kind of Pagan, with an emphasis on the Goddess. I never joined a coven, but I did enjoy the ritual of casting a sacred circle, calling the four elements, and reading the Tarot. I got very into candle magic. One time my lover and I burned two candles, one for each of us, and for "some reason" stream of wax built up a third column, and then a piece of the wick split off, landing on top of it, essentially forming a new candle that then burned down along with the other two. We were astonished!
Another time we had the intention to release the influence of a witch on my lover, and the whole time the candle burned it moaned, I kid you not. She did not let go easy!
But I quit doing magic when a love spell backfired—coming true after I had changed my mind.
In my early 20s I read a workbook about energy work that had an exercise about connecting with your spirit guide. I found it surprisingly easy to do (my self-hypnosis skill came in handy), and my guide showed up in a white robe and headdress on a rocky beach and introduced herself as "Ruth, which rhymes with Truth."
Five years later I was at a workshop (more about this below) admiring a participant's pendant which had an unusual golden sunburst design with a diamond in the center of it. She told me her spirit guide designed it for her, and she had it made with her mother's engagement diamond. As we shared spirit guide stories we were shocked to discover that her guide was also "Ruth, which rhymes with Truth," wore the same white robes, and lived on the beach. I guess Ruth got around!
But before this happened, a friend of mine who had graduated from a psychic school led me on my first past life regression. We both got information about the same situation—living in Atlanta around the time of the Civil War. We saw that we were still in the same relationship patterns. It was disturbing. She went on to continue to work out her karma with the other two people involved by becoming roommates with them. I ended up moving to Atlanta totally unexpectedly 15 years later.
The next set of lessons in my life happened when I began to study ontology ("the nature of being") at a martial arts school. We explored energy ("chi"), perception, cognition, the functionality of the body, and consciousness. I learned several forms of meditation in the general categories of energy circulation and empty mind and practiced them a lot. Our "heritage" was Eastern, specifically Zen, but we did our meditation in pairs, which was very powerful.
We would face each other, and one would say: "Experience who you are, and communicate that to me." The other would try to do just that. Its hard to describe in words, but the communicator would try to presence the totality of her being, really loudly, and then transmit it on a non-verbal level to the receiver. It was a powerful practice.
I had some wild psychic experiences at these workshops. At one point I started seeing clear "flames" coming out of the top of people's heads who were having some kind of enlightenment experiences. It reminded me of the paintings of the Apostles in my Children's Bible—they had little flames floating above their crown chakras.
I became curious about developing my psychic abilities so I went to get a reading at the school where my friend had trained. They did an "assessment" of my various abilities, including "channeling." They said I only had a 3% talent in this area. I was crestfallen. By now I had my heart set on it.
I began to go to a weekly channeling session with a young gay male teacher who had studied with Elizabeth Claire Prophet and became a channel for St Germaine of the Purple Ray and various other entities. He would not only channel them, but also lead us in energy meditations, bringing light into our chakra system. It felt SO good. I would pay lots of money to go to private sessions with him. I felt like I was mainlining Light. We were very involved in the Harmonic Convergence.
So I joined his two-year metaphysicians program. We worked on our energy bodies, clearing out our chakras, "transmuting" negative energy, and developing our ability to do psychic readings. People came for free readings in our class and we would all sit around them in a half circle, sharing what we saw. In this way we could "calibrate" what we saw with other people, and the clients would give us feedback on our accuracy. It was an extremely valuable experience.
The first time I channeled was on a psilocybin trip. I got a message from God that I will never forget. He sent me an image of a big oak tree, and a poem:
I was thrilled! I wrote it out in calligraphy and put it on my wall. I was not sure I believed in God, but apparently he was there for me nonetheless. But I was not able to receive him in my ordinary consciousness.
Then in 1986 I encountered some channeled material in the form of a book called the Right Use of Will. This had a profound impact on me. It introduced the idea of the Will—the emotional body—and provided a way to heal and evolve it through emotional expression, or "movement." Vibration was a key attribute of a healthy will, and so the reader was encouraged to express their feelings with sound.
It opened up a whole new realm for me—and brought many of the threads that I had followed before together. Here was where God and the Great Mother intersected. Here was an explanation for the turning away from the Mother on our planet. And here was a way to restore the Feminine Aspect to her right place… both in the world, and within me.
I ended up leaving the metaphysicians program and the martial arts school, and embarking on my own path of healing, using the Right Use series of books as my guide. I discovered that I could access many understandings as I allowed myself to feel and express my grief, terror, and rage fully.
I decided to try and make a living using my psychic skills in a tourist location. My psychic teacher gave me his blessing, saying that I was ready, and would learn much more by doing that than he could ever teach me in a class. He was right. I encountered many different kinds of people from all over the world, and saw all kinds of things.
One reading that I remember the best involved a beautiful young woman who seemed drained of vitality. I saw a golden cage with six bars surrounding her chakras. When I do readings I usually tell the client what I am seeing and they help me interpret it. I told her what I saw and she sighed, nodded, and said her family was very rich, and she felt trapped by their expectations. The six bars represented the six children.
Another time I saw a Chinese dragon flying around the client's aura, and we were puzzled until his sister said they had just been looking at dragons in an Asian import store.
The most magical experience was when I explained the basic energy circulation to one of my clients, and his Spirit connected to him. He started to cry, and kept saying "thank you!" I kept telling him "its your Spirit, you can have this!" He gave me a big tip, much to his girlfriend's chagrin.
One the one hand I was very balanced during this period, because to be a clear psychic I had to do my mediation every day. On the other hand I was exhausted, both from the readings and from working outside in the elements.
As I worked through the material in the Right Use of Will (RUOW or RU) series (there are eight books total), I began to get some perspective on my own issues on a more "cosmic" level. I started to understand why I had drawn the situations I had been in. I began to try and understand my "reflections"—especially the responses I got from other people. What were they telling me about myself, and what I was denying?
One of the key concepts in the RU series is denial. When we deny our feelings they do not just cease to exist. They are either held in our bodies, or they fragment out of us and go out in the world and act out. This was a very shocking revelation—that we were, in fact, causal to and responsible for the horrible things happening out in the world, despite our best intentions. But it made sense to me. I vowed to do my part to heal the planet. I began to accept my feelings and give them expression, no matter how I had previously judged them as "unloving" in the past.
One of the promises in "the Books" was that each of us could hear from God. This gave me hope that I could someday channel myself. But I was intimidated by the prospect. Then I came across some earlier channeling by the author of the RU series. I suddenly had the feeling that "I could do this!" It seemed more on "my level." So I sat down in front of my computer and tried to listen.
The very first words that God said to me were: "You have to bring your Will all the way up to Purple so that you can know it is Me." He was saying that I needed to have my will energy fully present in all of my chakras, all the way up to the Crown, so that I could use my will to distinguish His Light as I was opening my chakra to receive light.
Eight years later, I still practice this principle when I channel. I find that my best channeling comes when I spend some time opening my Root chakra to Mother energy coming from the Earth, allowing it to rise and nurture all of my chakras, and fountain out of my crown. Then I open to Loving Light from above, and draw the Light that has acceptance for the Mother down through each of my chakras, and finally out my Root into the Earth.
I experience myself as a Conduit, or Vessel, for the Two Greater Cosmic Forces to meet, join, and heal. In my latest dialogs with Deity, I call this being a "tube."
Shortly after this first experiment, I decided I wanted to talk to other people that were channeling. I had heard about the GodChannel, and so went to their website. They have an excellent course in channeling that I recommend. But you do not need a course to do it.
I ended up contributing to the site, mostly behind the scenes, and developed a very personal relationship with God, as my Coach. He gives pretty good advice!
I have not fully developed the skill for channeling for "public consumption," but I have channeled "for" other people and shared my work with a small circle of friends over the years. Some of my pieces are better than others, but I have gotten the feedback that the material I am able to get is useful.
I don't believe that I have an "omniscient" point of view with my channeling—quite the opposite, in fact. I believe that I am one tiny "hole" which FatherMotherGodHeart come through—and the shape of this hole is limited my own denials and judgments and emergence point and history.
I am very much still on my path, and the one truth I have discovered, is that my point of view is constantly evolving. My ability to receive has evolved along with it, and it is clear to me that Deity is only able to give me what I can open to.
So I offer this blog as just another point of view to add to your own understandings. I think all of our points of view are so important, and so important to share. This blog is just one facet of the diamond. Reality is multidimensional and complex, and we can only understand it if we have all of the voices expressing.
In this Spirit I welcome your contributions, either as comments, or as emails to me, and if you would like, I will post them on the blog.
Namaste,
Sapphire
At my 12th birthday party we had a séance trying to contact Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. We sat at a table and passed around a red rose chanting his name. The candle in the center cast creepy shadows on the wall. We had almost convinced ourselves that we had made contact when my Dad sprang through the door, shouting "boo!" and sending us into scared giggles.
When I was 16 I discovered the Tarot, and began a life-long love affair with it. It really suits my particular learning style—intuitive, emotional, right brain, experiential and kinetic. Early on I abandoned the "you will meet a brown-haired man" school of thought. Long before I understood what the word meant, I was searching for the symbolism of the archetypes.
When I was 18 I learned how to do self-hypnosis, which was the first time I was able to access different levels of consciousness. My friend had gone to a lecture, and described the technique to me when she came home. I was fascinated. I remember sitting in the cement stairwell outside my dorm, looking up at the stars, determined to master it. It turns out I am an easy subject, which has its good and bad points.
Coming of age was marked by a trip to the Isle of Mytilini (Lesbos) in Greece with a women's study program. Here my psychic abilities blossomed. We had no phones; we had to rely on the psychic airwaves to communicate with each other. The messages were very specific: "Meet me at the crossroad at 1:00." And there my friend would be, saying "Hey, I had a feeling that I'd find you here!"
I found myself in the role of oracle there… mostly through the Tarot cards. I felt like the "airspace" was a lot clearer than in the States—both because not everybody spoke English, but also because there was literally less electromagnetic transmissions in that part of the world. I imagine that its very different today.
At this point my spirituality was kind of Pagan, with an emphasis on the Goddess. I never joined a coven, but I did enjoy the ritual of casting a sacred circle, calling the four elements, and reading the Tarot. I got very into candle magic. One time my lover and I burned two candles, one for each of us, and for "some reason" stream of wax built up a third column, and then a piece of the wick split off, landing on top of it, essentially forming a new candle that then burned down along with the other two. We were astonished!
Another time we had the intention to release the influence of a witch on my lover, and the whole time the candle burned it moaned, I kid you not. She did not let go easy!
But I quit doing magic when a love spell backfired—coming true after I had changed my mind.
In my early 20s I read a workbook about energy work that had an exercise about connecting with your spirit guide. I found it surprisingly easy to do (my self-hypnosis skill came in handy), and my guide showed up in a white robe and headdress on a rocky beach and introduced herself as "Ruth, which rhymes with Truth."
Five years later I was at a workshop (more about this below) admiring a participant's pendant which had an unusual golden sunburst design with a diamond in the center of it. She told me her spirit guide designed it for her, and she had it made with her mother's engagement diamond. As we shared spirit guide stories we were shocked to discover that her guide was also "Ruth, which rhymes with Truth," wore the same white robes, and lived on the beach. I guess Ruth got around!
But before this happened, a friend of mine who had graduated from a psychic school led me on my first past life regression. We both got information about the same situation—living in Atlanta around the time of the Civil War. We saw that we were still in the same relationship patterns. It was disturbing. She went on to continue to work out her karma with the other two people involved by becoming roommates with them. I ended up moving to Atlanta totally unexpectedly 15 years later.
The next set of lessons in my life happened when I began to study ontology ("the nature of being") at a martial arts school. We explored energy ("chi"), perception, cognition, the functionality of the body, and consciousness. I learned several forms of meditation in the general categories of energy circulation and empty mind and practiced them a lot. Our "heritage" was Eastern, specifically Zen, but we did our meditation in pairs, which was very powerful.
We would face each other, and one would say: "Experience who you are, and communicate that to me." The other would try to do just that. Its hard to describe in words, but the communicator would try to presence the totality of her being, really loudly, and then transmit it on a non-verbal level to the receiver. It was a powerful practice.
I had some wild psychic experiences at these workshops. At one point I started seeing clear "flames" coming out of the top of people's heads who were having some kind of enlightenment experiences. It reminded me of the paintings of the Apostles in my Children's Bible—they had little flames floating above their crown chakras.
I became curious about developing my psychic abilities so I went to get a reading at the school where my friend had trained. They did an "assessment" of my various abilities, including "channeling." They said I only had a 3% talent in this area. I was crestfallen. By now I had my heart set on it.
I began to go to a weekly channeling session with a young gay male teacher who had studied with Elizabeth Claire Prophet and became a channel for St Germaine of the Purple Ray and various other entities. He would not only channel them, but also lead us in energy meditations, bringing light into our chakra system. It felt SO good. I would pay lots of money to go to private sessions with him. I felt like I was mainlining Light. We were very involved in the Harmonic Convergence.
So I joined his two-year metaphysicians program. We worked on our energy bodies, clearing out our chakras, "transmuting" negative energy, and developing our ability to do psychic readings. People came for free readings in our class and we would all sit around them in a half circle, sharing what we saw. In this way we could "calibrate" what we saw with other people, and the clients would give us feedback on our accuracy. It was an extremely valuable experience.
The first time I channeled was on a psilocybin trip. I got a message from God that I will never forget. He sent me an image of a big oak tree, and a poem:
When this you see, remember me
I am as constant as the tree.
I was thrilled! I wrote it out in calligraphy and put it on my wall. I was not sure I believed in God, but apparently he was there for me nonetheless. But I was not able to receive him in my ordinary consciousness.
Then in 1986 I encountered some channeled material in the form of a book called the Right Use of Will. This had a profound impact on me. It introduced the idea of the Will—the emotional body—and provided a way to heal and evolve it through emotional expression, or "movement." Vibration was a key attribute of a healthy will, and so the reader was encouraged to express their feelings with sound.
It opened up a whole new realm for me—and brought many of the threads that I had followed before together. Here was where God and the Great Mother intersected. Here was an explanation for the turning away from the Mother on our planet. And here was a way to restore the Feminine Aspect to her right place… both in the world, and within me.
I ended up leaving the metaphysicians program and the martial arts school, and embarking on my own path of healing, using the Right Use series of books as my guide. I discovered that I could access many understandings as I allowed myself to feel and express my grief, terror, and rage fully.
I decided to try and make a living using my psychic skills in a tourist location. My psychic teacher gave me his blessing, saying that I was ready, and would learn much more by doing that than he could ever teach me in a class. He was right. I encountered many different kinds of people from all over the world, and saw all kinds of things.
One reading that I remember the best involved a beautiful young woman who seemed drained of vitality. I saw a golden cage with six bars surrounding her chakras. When I do readings I usually tell the client what I am seeing and they help me interpret it. I told her what I saw and she sighed, nodded, and said her family was very rich, and she felt trapped by their expectations. The six bars represented the six children.
Another time I saw a Chinese dragon flying around the client's aura, and we were puzzled until his sister said they had just been looking at dragons in an Asian import store.
The most magical experience was when I explained the basic energy circulation to one of my clients, and his Spirit connected to him. He started to cry, and kept saying "thank you!" I kept telling him "its your Spirit, you can have this!" He gave me a big tip, much to his girlfriend's chagrin.
One the one hand I was very balanced during this period, because to be a clear psychic I had to do my mediation every day. On the other hand I was exhausted, both from the readings and from working outside in the elements.
As I worked through the material in the Right Use of Will (RUOW or RU) series (there are eight books total), I began to get some perspective on my own issues on a more "cosmic" level. I started to understand why I had drawn the situations I had been in. I began to try and understand my "reflections"—especially the responses I got from other people. What were they telling me about myself, and what I was denying?
One of the key concepts in the RU series is denial. When we deny our feelings they do not just cease to exist. They are either held in our bodies, or they fragment out of us and go out in the world and act out. This was a very shocking revelation—that we were, in fact, causal to and responsible for the horrible things happening out in the world, despite our best intentions. But it made sense to me. I vowed to do my part to heal the planet. I began to accept my feelings and give them expression, no matter how I had previously judged them as "unloving" in the past.
One of the promises in "the Books" was that each of us could hear from God. This gave me hope that I could someday channel myself. But I was intimidated by the prospect. Then I came across some earlier channeling by the author of the RU series. I suddenly had the feeling that "I could do this!" It seemed more on "my level." So I sat down in front of my computer and tried to listen.
The very first words that God said to me were: "You have to bring your Will all the way up to Purple so that you can know it is Me." He was saying that I needed to have my will energy fully present in all of my chakras, all the way up to the Crown, so that I could use my will to distinguish His Light as I was opening my chakra to receive light.
Eight years later, I still practice this principle when I channel. I find that my best channeling comes when I spend some time opening my Root chakra to Mother energy coming from the Earth, allowing it to rise and nurture all of my chakras, and fountain out of my crown. Then I open to Loving Light from above, and draw the Light that has acceptance for the Mother down through each of my chakras, and finally out my Root into the Earth.
I experience myself as a Conduit, or Vessel, for the Two Greater Cosmic Forces to meet, join, and heal. In my latest dialogs with Deity, I call this being a "tube."
Shortly after this first experiment, I decided I wanted to talk to other people that were channeling. I had heard about the GodChannel, and so went to their website. They have an excellent course in channeling that I recommend. But you do not need a course to do it.
I ended up contributing to the site, mostly behind the scenes, and developed a very personal relationship with God, as my Coach. He gives pretty good advice!
I have not fully developed the skill for channeling for "public consumption," but I have channeled "for" other people and shared my work with a small circle of friends over the years. Some of my pieces are better than others, but I have gotten the feedback that the material I am able to get is useful.
I don't believe that I have an "omniscient" point of view with my channeling—quite the opposite, in fact. I believe that I am one tiny "hole" which FatherMotherGodHeart come through—and the shape of this hole is limited my own denials and judgments and emergence point and history.
I am very much still on my path, and the one truth I have discovered, is that my point of view is constantly evolving. My ability to receive has evolved along with it, and it is clear to me that Deity is only able to give me what I can open to.
So I offer this blog as just another point of view to add to your own understandings. I think all of our points of view are so important, and so important to share. This blog is just one facet of the diamond. Reality is multidimensional and complex, and we can only understand it if we have all of the voices expressing.
In this Spirit I welcome your contributions, either as comments, or as emails to me, and if you would like, I will post them on the blog.
Namaste,
Sapphire
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