fragmentation and identity

2006-12-15

[note: this refers to the previous post.]

Dear MFGH,

Thanks for yesterday's channeling. I feel more secure. I am questioning how I could be a fairy that fragmented out of the Mother? in Pan and also Indigo. And also how I could have gone up? Was I with the Mother in the beginning stories? Or did I go back into her?

The question of identity as usual.

Dear Sapphire,

Remember the new model of identity that we are building. There were splits in your core early on, and yes, some of them went with the Mother and some went with the Father. Some went with Spirit and some with Heart. So yes, you do have presence in many stories and scenarios.

You are not one "dot" traveling through space along a storyline. You are many dots traveling along many storylines. Sometimes your essence merged back together, sometimes new splits arose. You are the Parental aspect of your essence. Which means you have the power and responsibility to bring all of yourself back together.

The Books were written as if there was one identity along one linear path, but as we said many times, we were limited by language and your individual perspective of storyline. Unfortunately, in group settings, there is a strong tendency to identify each individual as one thing, one role in the group story.

As individuals, however, most people experience the multiplicity of lives and perspectives. And many times they feel safe to share this in pairs and small groups.

So the question you have asked many times: "how could I be both X and Y" is answered by the understanding of fragmentation.

Now there is more than one "I" that we are talking about here: your Parental story and the parallel paths that your fragments took. "You" (parental you) do have one storyline, and that is the one that you are so desperate to find and claim and have validated externally. But other people have felt "you" in your fragments, so they have not validated the story that you want to claim.

Each of us is faced with the same issue that God faced: exclaiming "that's not me!" while everybody else is in shock because of 1) his behavior and 2) his denial (apparently sincere) that he never did anything of the sort!

So yes, you have perp essence to bring back in.

This is where the GC version of wholeness overlaps with the RU version of wholeness. We all have fragmentation all over the place. And basically, our reflections are "trying" to show us what and where it is. So you could say that everything in your venue is reflecting what you need for wholeness

(me) this is very helpful, thanks.

(MFGH) your visual of your self as fireworks is not a bad metaphor. And some of the streams have their own explosions. This is why we say that denied Greatness is such a problem. You are all diminished, to one degree or another. Many of you have gathered much of yourselves back in, thanks to your dedication to the healing process. But for reasons of guilt, for the most part, the parts of you that hold your talents, your charisma, your magic and power are often the last to come in.

In many ways this is a good progression to follow, because you need to have as much of yourselves back together in order to handle these aspects of yourself. But whenever you see a celebrity or powerful person taking their status for granted, or taking advantage of their status, or abusing their power, consider that you made a judgment about your Greatness—that is was wrong to have it and the benefits that it bestows.

Can you find any judgments?

(me) its funny, but the first celebrity I thought of was Paris Hilton, who I judge as the quintessential shallow Daughter who has nothing to contribute yet gets all the attention, money, etc. I am embarrassed for her. Which would only really make sense if I identify with her in some way. Yet she feels very foreign to me. I don't like her.

(MFGH) what are your judgments against her? Imagine that she is reflecting these judgments back to you.

(me)

I forgive myself for judging and believing for so long that:

Daughters are nothing but shallow, spoiled, greedy and selfish brats.
Daughters have nothing to offer. They are all take and no give.
Gold is pretty but has no value.
Daughters don't understand the value of things.
Daughters don't understand that you have to work.
You can't just stand around being beautiful and get money for it. Its not right.
Daddy is the source of all money.
You need a rich Daddy (Sugar or otherwise) to get any money if you are a Daughter.
If you are a beautiful, young, rich, daughter you will always have the paparazzi in your face.
Every behavior will be scrutinized.
Partying is the only thing that matters.

I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, but these are just the thoughts that are coming to mind.

I need to stop or at least take a break.

"Driving Backwards"

2006-12-11

[Note: I wrote about some confusion I was having about figuring out what to do in my life.]

Dear Sapphire,

Ah yes, the planning/action question…

(me) and the driving backwards question…

(MFGH) well the trick is to find you groove and plan "from" that. Plans are useful for events that you have to coordinate with others, and thinking through the steps and timing will help you make sure you have the time and other resources that you need. The key is to be honest with yourself in the beginning. Why are you doing the event? What parts of yourself are aligned with it, what parts aren’t? What are you accepting, what are you denying? Cause the denials are going to show up along the way, most likely. So it’s a matter of how you prefer to work. Do you want to give the car a tune up before the trip, or do you want to have break downs and tune up along the way?

You could even develop a "check in" routine to make sure all of your parts are getting a chance to bring forward your "issues."

(me) ah, that makes sense.

(MFGH) and if you are tuning up along the way (and there is no reason you can't do a combined approach) you might be able to adjust your plans accordingly. What you want to avoid are those crunches that don't allow you to process or otherwise take care of yourself. You don't want more denial out of the situation.

This is why it is so very important to make sure that guilt is not your primary motivator. Cause resentment will either come up directly or indirectly. But if it does come up, then it is an opportunity to release it. Feel the "pressure" and vibrate so that I can push it through and out of you.

Its important to keep your priorities straight. Which are higher on the list? Or maybe a better visual is: which are more central in your spheres of concern? You need to use that information when you are in the overview… its like the overview needs to trace the path of the will's desire… but you have to feel that desire in order to do this…

(me) can Aurum help me do this?

(MFGH) why don't you ask her?

(me) okay Aurum would you please speak to planning, my future, driving backwards, your role, etc?

(A) [she suggested that I do a meditation]

(me) okay one thing I noticed that I have never noticed before, is to my mind, there really is no difference between the past and the future. They both exist as mental constructs, that I have emotional reactions too. But the past has objects of perception and the future doesn't, so that is what is different between the two.

I also had a feeling that driving backwards would be like following my personal stream of Grace back to its origins—it felt like a useful practice in terms of staying in touch with my Self.

It was hard to "hold the question"—I realized that I wasn't exactly sure what my question is, except that the bottom line was the only time I could do anything about the future was "now." So I ended up with "what could I do now to help my future?" and that lead me to the concept of driving backwards.

I also saw that Aurum was virtually invisible in the now, as "now" has no dimension… I needed a past in order to see her pathway… yet I have a sense that I can "be" her in the now… right now I am getting a subtly expanded consciousness…

(A) if you can be in "network consciousness" while you plan, that will enable you to include more of yourself.

(me) I'm not sure if I know how to do network consciousness.

(A) start with your intent to be inclusive, and allow your mind to wander the world… open to whatever you get… see if you can establish a dialogue… better yet, move in response…

(me) I am getting that this is something like what my friend [who has a detailed understanding of the life histories of her parts] does.

(A) yes, she has been able to trace the streams of self… for each fragment has that stream of their own, back to the Original Self… it looks like many branches of a watershed, except the water is flowing back from the mouth of the river to smaller and smaller streams… and the flow is more powerful the closer you get back to the ocean, the source.

Bringing these streams back into One flow… is one way to approach healing… so in terms of planning, the question would be… "what actions will bring my streams back together?" "how can I be the deepest riverbed that will draw them to me?"

And know that along with bringing back your power, each fragment will also bring its problems. You may have polluted streams that you have to clean up.

(me) okay that was a bit confusing to put into words but I got the image. It was kind of shocking to think that each of my fragments has its own stream back to our origins. It really brings home its independence.

(A) well, it is a simplification. Your fragments are also connected to you, as well as to each other. Some of your fragmentation is embodied as people, and some of it more like energy flowing to other bodies/people.

(me) this is bringing up questions of leadership for me. What is my responsibility to these fragments? Should I be making plans for my self, or for all of us?

(A) your fragments will be drawn to you the more you magnetize your will. Ultimately this means following your own desire. It is like the question of "your" will vs. "divine" will. They are not in opposition. On one layer of the cake they are the same thing. To the degree that your fragments have your will essence, they will want the same thing "you" do. In many cases they were just your desires that you rejected.

In other cases you fragmented in response to trauma, and so the feelings in response to the trauma need to be received and expressed. And this will help you remember the trauma.
"Re-membering" is reconnecting with the essence involved there. You can also reconnect with the fragments that were lost their by going into the trauma and discovering where you split.

(me) it is hard for me to keep all of this present in the now. I keep feeling like I want something from you. I basically want to feel good in some way.

(A) I don't know if I am the best place to look for feeling good. However I can say that following your own destiny path feels good (except for feeling the pain of healing, of course.)

Eventually my voice will be indistinguishable from your own.

(me) okay, thank you.

fragmentation and the web

2006-12-07

Goodmorning MFGH,

I am feeling like asking for help today. Especially for my poor heart. Can you help me understand what is happening there? Can Aurum help me here?

(MFGH) yes Aurum can help you connect with and send loving light to your lost parts.

(me) what about the connectors between the chakras. Especially between blue and green. That seems like such a long distance.

(MFGH) the heart chakra is bigger than you think. and the blue-green link is very important to nurture.

(MFGH) the wormhole situation that your DF described with her heart is a good representation of what happens when we loose our parts. [She described having her heart smacked out of her and finding it at the end of a wormhole from her heart.] They are all connected to us by either "wormholes" or "lines/cords" depending on "where" they ended up. So we are in the center of a web of connections. And Aurum is that web, so to speak. You can "talk" with these parts through "web consciousness." But they need to be healed through movement.

(me) what does this mean "they need to be healed through movement."

(MFGH) they are holding charge—your charge, that you denied. You need to accept this charge back into yourself and release it. It does no good to bring parts in but force them or your body to continue to hold the charge. They will eventually split off again. Moving the charge allows them to integrate back into you. It has to do with magnetism.

(me) right. sometimes its just good to hear it.

(MFGH) see if you can stay "connected" to your web today.

(me) okay. Thank you.