[Note: I wrote about some confusion I was having about figuring out what to do in my life.]
Dear Sapphire,
Ah yes, the planning/action question…
(me) and the driving backwards question…
(MFGH) well the trick is to find you groove and plan "from" that. Plans are useful for events that you have to coordinate with others, and thinking through the steps and timing will help you make sure you have the time and other resources that you need. The key is to be honest with yourself in the beginning. Why are you doing the event? What parts of yourself are aligned with it, what parts aren’t? What are you accepting, what are you denying? Cause the denials are going to show up along the way, most likely. So it’s a matter of how you prefer to work. Do you want to give the car a tune up before the trip, or do you want to have break downs and tune up along the way?
You could even develop a "check in" routine to make sure all of your parts are getting a chance to bring forward your "issues."
(me) ah, that makes sense.
(MFGH) and if you are tuning up along the way (and there is no reason you can't do a combined approach) you might be able to adjust your plans accordingly. What you want to avoid are those crunches that don't allow you to process or otherwise take care of yourself. You don't want more denial out of the situation.
This is why it is so very important to make sure that guilt is not your primary motivator. Cause resentment will either come up directly or indirectly. But if it does come up, then it is an opportunity to release it. Feel the "pressure" and vibrate so that I can push it through and out of you.
Its important to keep your priorities straight. Which are higher on the list? Or maybe a better visual is: which are more central in your spheres of concern? You need to use that information when you are in the overview… its like the overview needs to trace the path of the will's desire… but you have to feel that desire in order to do this…
(me) can Aurum help me do this?
(MFGH) why don't you ask her?
(me) okay Aurum would you please speak to planning, my future, driving backwards, your role, etc?
(A) [she suggested that I do a meditation]
(me) okay one thing I noticed that I have never noticed before, is to my mind, there really is no difference between the past and the future. They both exist as mental constructs, that I have emotional reactions too. But the past has objects of perception and the future doesn't, so that is what is different between the two.
I also had a feeling that driving backwards would be like following my personal stream of Grace back to its origins—it felt like a useful practice in terms of staying in touch with my Self.
It was hard to "hold the question"—I realized that I wasn't exactly sure what my question is, except that the bottom line was the only time I could do anything about the future was "now." So I ended up with "what could I do now to help my future?" and that lead me to the concept of driving backwards.
I also saw that Aurum was virtually invisible in the now, as "now" has no dimension… I needed a past in order to see her pathway… yet I have a sense that I can "be" her in the now… right now I am getting a subtly expanded consciousness…
(A) if you can be in "network consciousness" while you plan, that will enable you to include more of yourself.
(me) I'm not sure if I know how to do network consciousness.
(A) start with your intent to be inclusive, and allow your mind to wander the world… open to whatever you get… see if you can establish a dialogue… better yet, move in response…
(me) I am getting that this is something like what my friend [who has a detailed understanding of the life histories of her parts] does.
(A) yes, she has been able to trace the streams of self… for each fragment has that stream of their own, back to the Original Self… it looks like many branches of a watershed, except the water is flowing back from the mouth of the river to smaller and smaller streams… and the flow is more powerful the closer you get back to the ocean, the source.
Bringing these streams back into One flow… is one way to approach healing… so in terms of planning, the question would be… "what actions will bring my streams back together?" "how can I be the deepest riverbed that will draw them to me?"
And know that along with bringing back your power, each fragment will also bring its problems. You may have polluted streams that you have to clean up.
(me) okay that was a bit confusing to put into words but I got the image. It was kind of shocking to think that each of my fragments has its own stream back to our origins. It really brings home its independence.
(A) well, it is a simplification. Your fragments are also connected to you, as well as to each other. Some of your fragmentation is embodied as people, and some of it more like energy flowing to other bodies/people.
(me) this is bringing up questions of leadership for me. What is my responsibility to these fragments? Should I be making plans for my self, or for all of us?
(A) your fragments will be drawn to you the more you magnetize your will. Ultimately this means following your own desire. It is like the question of "your" will vs. "divine" will. They are not in opposition. On one layer of the cake they are the same thing. To the degree that your fragments have your will essence, they will want the same thing "you" do. In many cases they were just your desires that you rejected.
In other cases you fragmented in response to trauma, and so the feelings in response to the trauma need to be received and expressed. And this will help you remember the trauma.
"Re-membering" is reconnecting with the essence involved there. You can also reconnect with the fragments that were lost their by going into the trauma and discovering where you split.
(me) it is hard for me to keep all of this present in the now. I keep feeling like I want something from you. I basically want to feel good in some way.
(A) I don't know if I am the best place to look for feeling good. However I can say that following your own destiny path feels good (except for feeling the pain of healing, of course.)
Eventually my voice will be indistinguishable from your own.
(me) okay, thank you.
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