Origins of Unloving Light

2007-01-08

Note: this is a continuation of the previous channeling post.

(MFGH) Let's do some more work on the role of Indigo in mind, etc.

(me) okay.

(MFGH) do you have any questions?

(me) I guess I want to know more about the Second Creation and if there is an Indigo Woman and my role there.

(MFGH) One thing I have alluded to is Lucifer's participation in the Second Creation. Again, it is important to sort out the original Second Creation from the later reenactments. To set the scene: We have had our first taste of Manifestation. We have had our first experience of Other—Other as adversary. We have had our first experience of Forgetting, and our first experience with the Void. From one perspective, we were still One, exploring all of the corners and edges of the Universe, but from our experience of it, we had lost that consciousness, we had lost our connections with each other, we were experiencing Loss for the first time. And this tremendous grief did not even have a name. It did not remember what it was missing. And the Mother carried this grief in her essence.

The part of Heart that was still with her—most of Heart, actually—had the impulse for connections, for reaching across the void, for traveling forth. I am speaking of the Yang polarization of her heart right now. There was also the Yin aspect of it, which wanted to receive the Light, which was doing its best to draw it to her.

We have spoken of the guilt that the Yang part had, for reaching so far out that it split off from the rest of her, but we have not spoken of the guilt that the Yin part had for "drawing the smack" as it interpreted events. This part has been confused because it feels it is more than just the victim here, it feels that it was the reason that the smack came. It has identified with the Mother and the Mother's position, but it has felt uneasy about this because it has also identified with the Daughter-as-perpetrator role.

It has felt as if the Mother had a big target painted on her that said "hit me," and it has felt like the center of that bull's eye.

There is guilt in both Mother and Daughter for wanting penetration, for wanting the Light to reach down all the way into the core and beyond. If we add some dimensionality to this image, imagine that the target it painted on the surface, with Yellow at the top and Orange and Red deeper in. Yellow pointed the way to Red, or rather, was the Doorway to Red. It drew the light and opened to the light, but then there was unloving light to contend with, and by the time that this moved towards the Will, Yellow did not know to close.

Orange and Red had not fully opened yet, and this was in part why they got blasted away by the unloving light. It did not have any where to go when it was not received, and so pushed on the essence instead.

So what does all of this have to do with the Second Creation?

Indigo foresaw this on some level. Indigo knew that there was Light essence that wanted unlimited speed and did not "care" how it felt to receive this light. In fact this essence did not really understand that the other end of its polarity, the Will, was what opened space for the Light to speed into. Because it was on the leading edge of Creation, it did not perceive anything "out in front" of it opening space. At this very edge was pleasure, was the Joy and Ecstasy of Virgin Penetration, and it never wanted it to stop.

This essence, this momentum, was unleashed in the Original Explosion that sundered Original Heart into the "pieces" of Deity. It was what was needed to push on the Will's squeeze. This was the first "permission" to rev up as fast as it could go. For this essence, the explosion was Orgasmic. It has sought to recreate this experience from an imprint level. It imprinted that it's orgasm was what "killed" the Will, and to kill the will was Orgasmic.

So while what gave it its orgasm was the resistance that the Will provided, it imprinted that any resistance must be broken through. It "loves" to find any places of closing down and saying no that the Will has because it receives pleasure to push through this resistance. Thus rape, torture, violating boundaries, and everything that is the opposite of Love was born.

And it is very important to understand that this isn't a "discreet essence" that only a part of the light had. ALL of light imprinted at the moment of the original explosion. All of light is connected to this end of its continuum. And therefore, all of light has had to deal with its guilt about being aroused by the Will's suffering.

Parts of the Will imprinted that orgasm = death (and therefore death = orgasm) as well. Especially the part that was at the interface of the separation of Light and Will, i.e. Heart.

And this essence has had guilt as well, guilt that it is aroused by its own sacrifice.

(me) wow…

(MFGH) So now let us talk about what happened to this "unloving" light after the original explosion, and how different segments of it came back towards the Central Universe and interacted with the other Parts in the progression of the creations.

You may have seen diagrams of the reflection of light by a mirror.

(me) [I searched and found this image]

(MFGH) and concave reflection

(me) [and this one]

(MFGH) When the light reached the "edge of the Universe" (when it exceeded the speed at which the Will could open space) it "bounced back" towards the Central Universe.

And as I mentioned before, when it did this, it had (re) imprinted from its encounter with absolute limitation, with what is essentially absolute sexual frustration. Except now that it had a "direction" for its rage, and that was towards what set the limits, the Will. So when it bounced back, it had a new intent—to find the source of this boundary, and break the boundary (which amounted to killing the Will.)

Now we will complicate this with three variables: One is that the light is expanding in all directions (not just one single ray); Two is that the edge of the Universe is Concave (as the Origin was one point, and all points on the edge are expanding at the same speed, which generates a sphere); and Three is that the edge of the Universe is moving outward.

With the first and second complications, the consequence is that unloving light is virtually everywhere.

(me) [this image shows the patterns of reflection in a coffee cup]

(MFGH) With the third complication, the consequence is that unloving light is reflecting back to us virtually at all times.

Our solution to this is a bit complicated, but it involves allowing the light that desires to go faster than the Will wants to, to do just that, by penetrating this boundary of space and becoming lost light, with no will presence, but then to prevent it from "bouncing back" at the Central Universe with the positioning of "guilt" as the boundary around the edge of the Universe which the light will not be able to penetrate. In occult modeling, this is the "Ring-Pass-Not" in its right place. Also note that there will be no space for the light to expand into here.

So we have a model of the conflict between light that wants unlimited speed and the speed that the Will can open space for light, and I am hoping that you can see that this is a dynamic process, as the rate of expansion for both the light and the Will are in a constant acceleration. There is always light that is frustrated, no matter how fast the Will expands, and it is always being turned back at the edge of the Universe towards the center, no matter which Creation we are talking about.

I am making this sound like it is a constant, smooth dynamic, but in fact, it was not, as there were build ups of the light before the release of the orgasm in each successive Creation.

So now we are in a place where we can talk about the orgasm the "birthed" the Second Creation, and the role of the unloving light in this.

Second Creation issues; the OC of unloving light

[Note: I haven't been able to post for a month, but I wanted to highlight that this channeling actually came the day after the previous post.]

(MFGH) Let's do some more work on the role of Indigo in mind, etc.

(me) okay.

(MFGH) do you have any questions?

(me) I guess I want to know more about the Second Creation and if there is an Indigo Woman and my role there.

(MFGH) One thing I have alluded to is Lucifer's participation in the Second Creation. Again, it is important to sort out the original Second Creation from the later reenactments. To set the scene: We have had our first taste of Manifestation. We have had our first experience of Other—Other as adversary. We have had our first experience of Forgetting, and our first experience with the Void. From one perspective, we were still One, exploring all of the corners and edges of the Universe, but from our experience of it, we had lost that consciousness, we had lost our connections with each other, we were experiencing Loss for the first time. And this tremendous grief did not even have a name. It did not remember what it was missing. And the Mother carried this grief in her essence.

The part of Heart that was still with her—most of Heart, actually—had the impulse for connections, for reaching across the void, for traveling forth. I am speaking of the Yang polarization of her heart right now. There was also the Yin aspect of it, which wanted to receive the Light, which was doing its best to draw it to her.

We have spoken of the guilt that the Yang part had, for reaching so far out that it split off from the rest of her, but we have not spoken of the guilt that the Yin part had for "drawing the smack" as it interpreted events. This part has been confused because it feels it is more than just the victim here, it feels that it was the reason that the smack came. It has identified with the Mother and the Mother's position, but it has felt uneasy about this because it has also identified with the Daughter-as-perpetrator role.

It has felt as if the Mother had a big target painted on her that said "hit me," and it has felt like the center of that bull's eye.

There is guilt in both Mother and Daughter for wanting penetration, for wanting the Light to reach down all the way into the core and beyond. If we add some dimensionality to this image, imagine that the target is painted on the surface of the Will, with Yellow just under the surface and Orange and Red deeper in. Yellow pointed the way to Red, or rather, was the Doorway to Red. It drew the light and opened to the light, but then there was unloving light to contend with, and by the time that this moved towards the Will, Yellow did not know to close.

Orange and Red had not fully opened yet, and this was in part why they got blasted away by the unloving light. It did not have any where to go when it was not received, and so pushed on the essence instead.

So what does all of this have to do with the Second Creation?

Indigo foresaw this on some level. Indigo knew that there was Light essence that wanted unlimited speed and did not "care" how it felt to receive this light. In fact this essence did not really understand that the other end of its polarity, the Will, was what opened space for the Light to speed into. Because it was on the leading edge of Creation, it did not perceive anything "out in front" of it opening space. At this very edge was pleasure, was the Joy and Ecstasy of Virgin Penetration, and it never wanted it to stop.

This essence, this momentum, was unleashed in the Original Explosion that sundered Original Heart into the "pieces" of Deity. It was what was needed to push on the Will's squeeze. This was the first "permission" to rev up as fast as it could go. For this essence, the explosion was Orgasmic. It has sought to recreate this experience from an imprint level. It imprinted that it's orgasm was what "killed" the Will, and to kill the will was Orgasmic.

So while what gave it its orgasm was the resistance that the Will provided, it imprinted that any resistance must be broken through. It "loves" to find any places of closing down and saying no that the Will has, because it receives pleasure to push through this resistance. Thus rape, torture, violating boundaries, and everything that is the opposite of Love was born.

And it is very important to understand that this isn't a "discreet imprint" that only a part of the light had. ALL of light imprinted at the moment of the original explosion. All of light is connected to this end of its continuum. And therefore, all of light has had to deal with its guilt about being aroused by the Will's suffering.

Parts of the Will imprinted that orgasm = death (and therefore death = orgasm) as well. Especially the part that was at the interface of the separation of Light and Will, i.e. Heart.

And this essence has had guilt as well, guilt that it is aroused by its own sacrifice.

(me) wow…

(MFGH) So now let us shift gears and talk about what happened to this "unloving" light after the original explosion, and how different segments of it came back towards the Central Universe and interacted with the other Parts in the progression of the creations.

You may have seen diagrams of the reflection of light by a mirror.

(me) specular reflection and concave mirror reflection>

(MFGH) When the light reached the "edge of the Universe" (when it exceeded the speed at which the Will could open space) it "bounced back" towards the Central Universe.

And as I mentioned before, when it did this, it had (re) imprinted from its encounter with absolute limitation, with what is essentially absolute sexual frustration. Except now that it had a "direction" for its rage, and that was towards what set the limits, the Will. So when it bounced back, it had a new intent—to find the source of this boundary, and break the boundary (which amounted to killing the Will.)

Now we will complicate this with three variables: One is that the light is expanding in all directions (not just one single ray); two is that the edge of the Universe is Concave (as the Origin was one point, and all points on the edge are expanding at the same speed, which generates a sphere); and three is that the edge of the Universe is moving outward.

With the first and second complications, the consequence is that unloving light is virtually everywhere.

(me) <reflections of light rays bouncing back from the edges of a coffee cup>

(MFGH) With the third complication, the consequence is that unloving light is reflecting back to us virtually at all times.

(Note: Our solution to this is a bit complicated, but it involves allowing the light that desires to go faster than the Will wants to, to do just that, by penetrating this boundary of space and becoming lost light, with no will presence, but then to prevent it from "bouncing back" at the Central Universe by positioning a layer of "guilt" as the boundary around the edge of the Universe which the light will not be able to penetrate. In occult modeling, this is the "Ring-Pass-Not" in its right place. Also note that there will be no space for the lost light to expand into here.)

So we have a model of the conflict between light that wants unlimited speed and the speed that the Will can open space for light, and I am hoping that you can see that this is a dynamic process, as the rate of expansion for both the light and the Will are in a constant acceleration. There is always light that is frustrated, no matter how fast the Will expands, and it is always being turned back at the edge of the Universe towards the center, no matter which Creation we are talking about.

I am making this sound like it is a constant, smooth dynamic, but in fact, it was not, as there were build ups of the light before the release of the orgasm in each successive Creation.

The OC of Lucifer

2006-12-20

[Note on abbreviations: FOM = Father of Manifestation, HS = Heart Son, HD = Heart Daughter, PW = Purple Woman, BW = Blue Woman, OH = Original Heart]

(me) MFGH? I have a question about how Blue Woman/the Third Creation emerged. Intellectually I feel like I must be involved in this organism, but I have not connected with this.

(MFGH) Lucifer comes into play, here. This is partly why the Third Creation was unloving.

(me) are you saying I am parental to Blue Woman?

(MFGH) we do not want you to misfire with your triggers here.

[snipped a digression]

(MFGH) In the First Creation (Purple), all the Parts experienced opposition for the first time. They all experienced rivals for what they wanted. God vs FOM, both of them vs HS, Mother vs HD, all the HDs vs PW… so the competitive, win or loose feelings that came up around these experiences go way back, all the way back to the beginning. That is why they are called "primitive" by some, and yet their "refined" competition is just a different form of the same thing. Everybody has these feelings, and many have shame about them. In fact, the place that they have the most acceptance is in Body and in Blue. (Think of the "healthy competition" that is literally the foundation of business and sports.)

Many of you have judged these feelings as wrong, and have pushed them into these realms, or your denied feelings have found a home there, which has increased their presence there. It also increases the power in these realms, which has been abused.

There were also internal splits within each Part; especially the growing polarization between terror and rage in response to what they were encountering. We did not really understand emotions or emotional processes. The impulses seemed very discreet [as in separate]. We were encountering differentiation for the first time, and we did not have the distinctions between the differentiation that was—there is no word for this in English—"functional" or "formal" or "structural" or "planned" and the differentiations that were just the flow of experience; this feeling or that response or the perceptions of the unfoldment of evolution—what we have been calling fragmentation. So when rage wanted to go, it felt that it was a separate entity that had its own place, and we had no reason to doubt it.

Terror was a different situation, it did not want to go, it wanted to cling to us in fact, but we wanted it to go, and so justified our denial of it (when we were conscious of this decision) by saying that it was not a part of us.

Out of this context, Lucifer was born. He was totally unexpected in terms of the plans of Original Heart. We did not, as we discovered later, really exhaust all possibilities in our experimentations in OH. We did not know the pain that the Will would experience in separation, we did not know the resentment that would come up in response to separation—in fact, this was our Fatal Flaw. We had no anticipation of the feelings that would become Lucifer, and so there was no "plan" that would allow us to accept these feelings and prevent his manifestation in the first place.

The light end of the electro-magnetic specturm in OH that was the fastest wanted to push past the absolutes of the "speed of light" and on into infinity. From its point of view, why should speed ever have a limit? Why should expansion ever stop? Why should it be concerned with staying connected to the whole?

And on some level, this aspect is still accelerating. In fact, this is hard to put into words, but all of the intention to accelerate is continuing to act on our universe—this is the force of expansion, that has allowed our universe to increase in size, infinitely. The Will has "had to" open space for this expansion, and Body has "had to" fill it with manifestation.

So imagine that there is a continuum of speeds… from intention that wanted to go infinitely fast, through intention that wanted to go almost infinitely fast (which really means, this was the first position there are limits, because anything less than infinite had a finite speed); through intention that wanted to go very fast, then fast, then less than fast, then slower, etc.

If you can imagine the spectrum as a line, with the fastest end pulling ahead (and pushing out the leading "edge" of the universe in the process); and drawing out the almost infinitely fast, and this intention pulling out the very fast speed, and so on down the line.

And then you need to imagine the speed "next slowest to infinity" (which is the infinitely large rate of speed minus the infinitely small rate of speed)… and there you have the actual edge of the universe, because infinitely fast is already—"to infinity" (edgeless). In your terms, infinately fast is what is known as "possibility." Also "the future."

So, to understand Lucifer's experience… he is the farthest end of the desire to go infinitely fast… but to manifest being, he had to be limited…so when he reached the edge of the universe, he experienced his original frustration… that he had limits… he "hit the wall" so to speak… and this enraged him. And this rage imprinted him, shaped him… and wanted to destroy anything that limited him…

He is the manifestation of that which does not want to be "held back and down"… that is his anathema… and so he "aligned" with FOM/Blue's rage there… but you could also say he was the Original Cause of it on a different layer of the cake…

For why is being held back and down so ultimately disturbing to Blue? This is, in fact, one of the "accidental" artifacts of the unfoldment of creation.

When Lucifer hit the wall, he began his long, long journey back…but this is getting ahead of the story. We have said that began his journey in the orgasm in Blue. But to fully understand why this orgasm was so unloving, we have to go back even further, to the First Creation orgasm in Purple that created the Second Creation (Indigo). (Note: this is different from the Seventh Creation reenactment of it that is portrayed in the Books.)

To set the scene, we'll go back to the Yin Yang symbol. Purple has already been created. Some of the Will essence is within the Light--the PW/HD "dot" in the light. The rest is still in the darkness, except for its "dot" of light within it (the HS that bonded with the Mother early on). The two dots are connected by a wormhole (aka the remnant of OH, Grandfather's intention, Heart's mission, Grace).

In simple terms, "sex" begins to occur when the Mother essence starts to rise through the wormhole towards the Light. PW is at the "top" of this wormhole or "Mother tube." The Mother's magnetism begins to draw the Light towards the Mothertube—towards PW. The Light goes into the Mothertube through the PW. Then a Bridge begins to be manifested by the Father of Manifestation following the incipient "shape" of the situation through the Mothertube—if this is looking like male and female body parts, you are not wrong. The reconnection between the Light and the Will that begins to happen results in the "explosive" orgasm that creates more…well…creation.

The Will expands space…the sphere enlarges… and the next available Light on the spectrum fills it… in this case, a core of purple surrounded by a shere of indigo… and indigo has its first experience of being "lost in space"… as it rushes out into the void in all directions and leaves the space/form of the previous creation behind… manifestation streaming out behind it…

This experience both triggers and imprints the Light and all of Manifestation there—all of the Second Creation—all of Indigo, in other words…

We won't go into this in detail now, but will mention these impressions in the Light (we will leave it to you to determine your own judgments and imprints here):

I forgive myself for judging and believing for so long that:

• I am lost (when I am) in the dark.
• Going forward means loosing my way.
• Expansion means confronting nothingness.
• I am empty/Growing means I will be left with an emptiness inside.
• I wish I could have stayed in my comfort zone/I shouldn't have ventured forth.
• I want to return to my reverie/I want to crawl back into the "womb."
• Everywhere I look, I see darkness/I can't see the future.
• The plan is not the same as the experience.
• If the plan is not the same as the experience, the plan must have been wrong.
• If the plan is not the same as the experience, I must be doing it wrong.
• I shouldn't have had that orgasm.
• I can't control what I have manifested.
• I shouldn't be so powerful.
• I can't handle my creation.
• Desire is the source of my problems/desire is wrong.
• Sex is the source of my problems/sex is wrong.
• Manifestation is the source of my problems/manifestation is wrong.

(me) I am getting glimpses of a lot more that I want to record:

• Indigo judgment: I shouldn't have been born.
• Lucifer at the edge of the universe—disturbed the Asuras
• Will judgment: every time I try to go for what I want, part of me gets left behind
• Lucifer had presence in (sex with?) Indigo
• the unloving light flowed (?) into Blue
• Blue's desire to expand came from two sources: Luciferian light and Body's emerging consciousness of its power to manifest (?)
• limits looked like Death—the opposite of life
• the Asuras showed up in Indigo and caused death in Blue
• Green's response was reactionary… "pro love"

[to be continued--I'm not sure when.]