my PTSD

2006-12-10

Dear MFGH,

I guess my biggest question is why did the violence in the movie bother me so much last night? I felt like I was being assaulted with it. And it took so long to calm down. Is this a PTSD thing? What was the "T" [trauma]?

Dear Sapphire,

You are sensitive in ways that have effected you nervous system. This is related to your brain disorder, but it is from trauma, originally. As you suspected, some of this is past-life related.

However it is also related to Indigo's position of seeing this kind of thing and not having it be believed or received, or even denied—in the worst cases Indigo was punished for seeing this. So there was a double trauma—the trauma of witnessing, and then the trauma from the consequences of speaking out.

(me) I am thinking of times when I have seen shit and not acted let alone said anything. Its very troubling.

(MFGH) yes and this is happening on a planetary scale. On one layer of the cake, the whole planet needs to acknowledge it, and say no.

(me) I can't even talk to one of my friends about Bush.

(MFGH) it is important to sort out when to act publicly and when to act privately. Each situation has its own pros and cons. The risks have to be weighed and the consequences thought through.

And the risks are different for different people. Two people could be facing identical situations, but have different essence configurations in their wills that would draw two totally different outcomes. You have to know yourself.

(me) I am having a hard time trusting our connection today.

(MFGH) yes there is an undercurrent of resentment, actually.

(me) I guess its still the stuff I was complaining about the other day. Not wanting to need you because I fear you won't be there… why is all the violence still happening???

(MFGH) the simple answer is because there is still denial… and the simple solution is for you to find your essence that is still out there and re-move the charge and call it back.

(me) yeah I know. But there is a part of me that does not trust this whole process.

(MFGH) it is important that you have your own process, and do not do someone else's process—even if that someone else is Us.

(me) oh right, [sarcastically] I do not believe that for a minute, either. that just makes me mad.

(MFGH) but you are doing your own process. This is your process.

(me) hmmmph.

My shoulders are so tight and sore. They feel like they are in a defensive position.

(MFGH) yes. You could get to some movement pretty easily if you work with your DH and do some pressure-point holding.

There is a lot of victimization held in there. You have a lot more victimization to get through. But you may find your rage along the way. Rage that got denied because it was too dangerous to express it at the time.

(me) I feel pretty stuck today so will end here. thank you.