Heart, Blue Woman, Purple Woman, etc.

2006-13-17

[note: this took five hours to channel, but I stuck with it cause I seemed to be on a roll...]

Dear MFGH,

I seem to have gotten a "hit" of grace… and that it is more present on the planet this time of year…

Dear Sapphire,

Yes but also the absence of it is more apparent. However people are more willing to "send" their grace to the people and fragments they are connected to.

This is why prayers can sometimes help the sick. They work best when there is some connection between people and they can actually affect the network. Even better would be to give the person tools and space to heal.

The more you let me in, the more I can understand about your situation. Like the Mother, I can also feel places of acceptance and denial in you. You still have some stubbornness about not wanting to ask for help because that would be admitting you have a problem. This is an issue for many people on Earth that goes back to the beginning.

You did not want to hear "I told you so" from me, and that was partly right, in that I had judgments against the Mother which spilled over to anyone who went to "her" Earth. You could feel those judgments and so wanted to reject my advice that leaving my realm would be fool hardy. You wanted to prove me wrong and show me that you could do it yourself.

However you went past your own fears and grief there in favor of your anger. So now you are afraid to "crack" there, because on some level it will mean having to feel those denied feelings finally. It is tied up with your fear that I was right, after all, and all of your pain and suffering could have been avoided if you had listened to me. This is a very hard place to be.

But what I want you to understand is that I now understand that it was not wrong for you to leave me. It was not your fault that you polarized to the Mother there. This is in your nature. You could not exist in Heaven without her.

And you would not have avoided you pain and suffering… it doesn't work like that. Of course we all wish we could have understood more about the Mother and her process and what she was and still is holding—our denials. You followed my example there, unfortunately. But this did not enable you to avoid your own gap.

Still the fluidity that existed on Earth then is so much greater than what exists now, even the darker reflections seem more desirable than the ones you are getting now. But what is happening now is a reenactment complete with smacks reverberating down through the ages.

For the gaps to heal, each side has to go all the way back to their original splits. This has to start with the Parental parts. They need to understand how they split with the other side, and also, how their own rage split out and is acting out their denied agenda. We know that this is familiar ground to you, but we want to say it specifically in answer to the question "how can we bring Peace to Earth?"

Heart's message of love, balance, forgiveness, etc is important, but it cannot be done without dealing with your denials.

"Turning the other cheek" is particularly misunderstood. This is in part because the Heart presence there did not understand that his own desire to hit back, etc, did not stop existing just because he did not feel it or express it.

But if you integrate our new understandings, it can mean "move by yourself in private" instead of lashing out at your trigger.

One problem with Heart-polarized people is that they judge the ones doing the violence as wrong, immature, unevolved, etc. They miss the part about how their own denied violence is empowering the conflict.

(me) I just got a sinking feeling that my own denied violence is being dumped into people like S, who can barely handle it. Plus my own denied pain. Is she my fragment?

(God) yes she has some of your denials, but no she is not your fragment. She is a Mother piece. But notice the subtle judgments you have against her. What are they?

(me) I think that there is something wrong with her. She is doing something wrong. She shouldn't be so angry. Why is there always conflict around her? Why can't she get her pain meds? It makes me angry. I guess I am denying my own true response. In the name of trying to accept her and sooth her.

(God) You can do both. It would help her much more if you moved your response rather than "try to be nice" to her.

(me) ugh I am feeling like I am seeing a reflection of someone being a "dumping ground."

(God) you are. And all the meds in the world are not going to fix it. What will fix it is if you and everybody else reclaims their essence. That will lift the burden.

Preaching at people usually just makes it worse, because it reinforces that what they are doing is their fault, because they cannot live up to the ideals of the behavior that the people who are doing the dumping can exemplify. And preaching to those that are doing the dumping just reinforces their bad habit.

(me) I am confused because I feel like both a dumper and a dumpee.

(God) yes you are both. People dumped into you but being heart you were able to still maintain your identity but loose part of your will. You've got to get your will back and allow it to release the feelings back into where they started in the first place. You don't have to be in direct contact with the person. "Give" them to me, and I will make sure they find acceptance inside of love.

And remember these are not only feelings from the "top" to the bottom, they are also feelings from the "bottom" to the top. Blue allowed some of the feelings/information from the lower chakras through them as a handy way to get rid of them, and they also had intention that they go to you, but not Purple. So you were a target in this way.

But this is a relatively small portion of what you are holding that needs to go through you. The rest of this is still trapped below Blue—Blue's rage holding down its terror. When this comes back up it is important that your channels are open and you are fluid enough to allow this through so it doesn't become a smack from below.

It is a twisted delusion of grandeur to think that you are responsible for all of the evil in the world. Even Blue Woman did not originate the smack… that originated in earlier creations. It came in through her, because of her unloving intent and desire for power that did not have any heart presence in it.

She did not understand the importance of Heart presence. In fact, she judged it as resulting in weakness, vulnerability, etc. Blue Heart people are very lost, a reflection of what happened in the beginning.

FOM had pushed most of Heart out already, except that which aligned with him. What remained in Purple was also brushed aside.

We knew we had a preference for feeling better, which is the beginnings of love, but we did not understand how to feel better. We did not understand that making connections that had a two way flow with feedback that adjusted each side to the other would feel good. We did not understand our own needs, let alone each other's.

Expansiveness is not wrong. Lifting and being lifted are not wrong. Its just that how they manifested turned out to only exacerbate our problems, rather than providing the relief that seemed obvious to the limited points of views involved.

We were not connected. And here Heart people have a lot of guilt about being the wrong connection, not connecting the right parts, not fulfilling their role so that the two sides do experience happiness.

Your pop culture says that children are not responsible for their parent's divorce, even though they often feel very responsible. You are supposed to tell them that they aren't responsible. But this just adds another layer of denial to the situation.

Heart is "responsible" for the connection/lack of connection in terms of its function. That is its job. And so that it was not able to do this "correctly" in the beginning does mean that it is "causal" to so many of the problems today.

But Heart cannot take all the responsibility. The other parts have to be willing to give honest feedback and receive honest feedback. We (the Parental parts) have felt very guilty about feeling that our problems were because of Heart's misfires in the beginning, and so have denied our blaming rage there. Which of course, meant that it came out in a state of denial.

All of this has to do with the confusion that Heart has about whether it is "Parental" or not. How can it be so causal if it is not parental? Why does it feel so guilty if it isn't responsible? And how is it supposed to save the world if it doesn't have the powers of Creation?

Heart needs to take its right place at the head table. It has long been sitting with the kids. (Often with an expectation that it is supposed to babysit those kids so that the "real" Parents can enjoy their dinner.) This is very threatening to some, as they fear a reenactment of the misfires in the beginning when Heart did not finish the connections and ended up as mates to the other side instead of connecting the mates.

They fear (including Heart people) that Heart can't be trusted, certainly not with "adult" responsibilities, which ultimately mean "life or death" responsibilities.

But reality is that Heart already has these responsibilities, so it is time for Heart to be given the "rights" that go along with them. Think of the 18-year-olds going off to fight the wars but not given the right to drink or vote. Think of the young parents responsible for the lives of their children. Think of the children whose parents are dead or disabled, or who are first born and responsible for their younger siblings.

All of this push-pull of "you're not old enough" and "you are responsible" goes back to the very beginning. Part of Heart put on a brave face and went ahead and played the part of the adult without really having the resources to do this well. Part of Heart said Fuck You and did what it wanted to do, without regard for the other part's needs (which is exactly what the "parental" parts were doing, anyway.)

And we blamed Heart for this, in so many ways. The Book talks about FOM's rivalry and express the Mother's rage and my rage, but we also need to take responsibility for… [I got this but it is hard for me to retain and put into words] our judgments about Heart that said it was not equal to us, therefore did not have input that was as important as our own input… we trivialized Heart as secondary, which meant secondary to the healing process.

Despite what the Mother and her rage said, we cannot heal as a whole without all of Heart healing along with us. Daughter's participation is not "optional." She is a vital part of the whole, and we cannot manifest the plan/dream without her. To parts of us, she seemed so causal to our problems, that we felt it would have been better for us if she was out of the picture. Literally if she "had not been born."

So this is part of DH's problem. Not only was she not to be first-born, but after she was born, she was given the impression that Creation would be better without her. This was especially confusing to the part of HD that was raped by the Father.

(me) I suddenly feel like I could channel Purple Woman/Purple Daughter's point of view of the beginning. But I am scared that it won't be validated by "matching" C's channeling of the situation.

(God) just let it flow… this will help Her work out her kinks…

(PW) No one has talked about my Emergence… but I was the very First. This is not wrong and I am sick of everybody telling me that it was. I had to draw the Light. I did not know that this would also create Manifestation (Body) (FOM), although the Mother did have a Lover in "mind". I am extremely sensitive, so the violence of my first encounters in manifestation was very devastating to me. It was like taking a steamroller to a butterfly.

In my Original Creation (I know I am not supposed to say "my" creation, but there it is) I was what you would call "etheric." Fine, delicate, responsive, soft, even tender. Like the skin of a newborn. I was the original newborn.

I was the original "twinkle in my Father's eye" that existed even before the Mother was "pregnant" with me. I am like the first "glance across the crowded room" that lets you know that a future is possible with the other person. Following me is following Grace.

In fact, you could say that I am the indicator of Grace's path… I am the first stirrings of desire, of fantasy… I exist in Dreams… I am "perfection"… "above" the toils of "life on Earth." I am the Princess in Fairy Tales. Walt Disney has taken me over in your popular culture, but he was not so far off.

And there is a huge Split in me. On the one hand, I am "above" the "sinful desires of Body" but on the other hand I am the epitome of what triggers those desires. I am the unobtainable beauty that every high school boy fantasizes about… and these fantasies involve fucking, if I may tell it like it is.

I am also the original daughter sexually abused by her Father, Grandfather, Uncle, Brother, Cousin… because I had everything that my Mother had to offer, only in a "purer" form…

I am the distillation of the Mother's sweetness, grace, and femininity… I am the ideal that every little girl dreams she will embody when she grows up.

I SEEM to "have it all…" but there is a very dark side to my experience. My original encounter with lovemaking was rape. Rape and murder, if the truth be told. You cannot rip out someone's womb and expect them to live. The Mother denied me here, and said it was Her womb, as if she was the only one who experienced the pain… but it was Me who died the original death here… and this has been reenacted endlessly… Jack the Ripper… hysterectomies… cervical and ovarian cancer…

Men want my "perfection" but with the "come on" of Blue Woman… She took one look at what happened to me, and thought she had a better solution… she judged me for not having "what it took" to please her man… we did not understand that she already had the Mother presence going "through" her in the Mother's original Ascent… and so could please her man more than I could.

The Mother's rage has made a big deal about my denial of the Mother there… as if I had schemed it all out ahead of time… Yes I had consciousness before my Sisters… but I did not have the sophistication that comes with experience… there WAS no experience before me… (unless you count Original Heart, and that was a totally different picture of how my emergence was to unfold.)

I was just on a mission… Yes there was a sense of competition… but that did not come from Me… I was SUPPOSED to be first… the others were jealous… THEY were the ones feeling competitive with me…

The big question is "what did I know" when I left the Mother… which implies "what was my intent"… which is all about blame, if you really look at it… and yes, I have had HUGE blame for myself, which opened the door to such blaming reflections…

In order to answer this, I need to explain about how the First Creation manifested… the first one after Original Heart split apart…

I will summarize the beginning parts, as they are available elsewhere.

You could say that I was the "black dot" in the Yin-Yang symbol… I was the will presence that stayed with the Light after the initial split within Original Heart between Spirit and Will that the symbol represents… I basically woke up Spirit from his Reverie… I had the original Desire for Reunion, which to the Will side means Life…

It gets complicated, but on one layer of the cake you could say that I did consummate my union with Male Heart… I was integrated into the Light…

On another layer, you could say that I was the ultimate denier of the Will Side… as I felt myself to be whole and complete, and did not want to "let any other will presence in"… I put this in quotes, because I understand that this is how it looked from the outside… but from the inside, it felt like that pressure from the outside would violate my integrity, my "personhood" as you would conceptualize it…

The Yin-Yang model describes a boundary, a barrier between the Light and the Dark… which is helpful, but another way to conceptualize it would be that the Dark side was at a great distance, and the only thing that connected us was the Wormhole that is also the Thread of Grace that kept the two sides from being lost to each other forever.

And I felt the Will essence coming up "through" the wormhole to me… but of course I did not recognize this for what it was… the rest of Me… it was SO much bigger than me… it was like I was a grain of sand, and it was the ocean… and this was supposed to come up into and through me??? I didn't understand the "through me" part… I didn't understand that the Light was where it could go, and the light was infinitely expandable… I thought that it was ME that would have to expand…

Of course all of this is not on the word level… it was just "instinct"… which means, that it was the imprints left over from the First Split, which was violent, indeed…

In fact, if you look at the first split (the Will essence squeezing down in a sphere around the Spirit essence, and the Spirit essence exploding) you can understand my trepidation about anything big inside of me trying to get out. So my "instinctual" reaction was to "clamp down"…

And the instinct behind FOM's behavior there was a desire to connect to what I was clamping down on… He was trying to build a physical bridge across the gap… along the lines of the wormhole… which was part of the reason that penis took the form it did… to reach across…

and so I was also echoing the creation of the Original Forms… as the Kundalini did not rise all the way up through me… and so the connection between the sexes was made at the second chakra level… instead of through the heart…

I am talking about the First Creation, but of its manifestation in several dimensions of "levels" of reality as you call it. So as I shift from dimension to dimension, I will leave it to you to draw the connections between them, as that cannot really be done in written language…

So there was "supposed to" be an increase of Will presence in the Light… the black dot was supposed to get bigger, and actually, mix with the light to become grey… but instead, we have the five players acting out their original imprints already… when we were planning in Original Heart we had no understanding of imprints, nothing "stuck" when it happened as we were not manifest… we did not know that this would happen…

so to spell it out, I was operating under two main impulses… one was to bond with the light… the other was to clench… Spirit's impulse was [hard to get, it’s a totally different perspective] to go towards what felt good, and deny what felt bad (the essence on the other side of the wormhole was in pain)… Body's impulse was to "manifest" the universe, which drove him to procreate—procreation is what felt good to him… Male Heart's impulse was to… do whatever it took to "win" me… many Quests were launched in this scenario… The Mother wanted to reach the Light of course, in anyway she could…

And as she flowed up the wormhole towards Me in the story that you know… there was a "Knowing" from the Second Creation (Indigo) that was present "before" this creation was even manifested—this is what happens when you don't have linear time yet—in other words, Indigo's "prescience"… in the First Creation version of the story that I am telling now…

The Mother's presence drawing near was very powerful… much more powerful than she was aware of… she stirred everything to Life… she was magnetizing Light, she was giving Manifestation the Space to unfold into… this built and built… until there was the tearing, explosive Orgasm that birthed the Second Creation…

But that is another story, and the channeler has to stop now…